The Trifecta of Unholy Beverages (aka Fuck Cisco)

The Trifecta of Unholy Beverages (aka Fuck Cisco)

Friday Night I was hanging out at Tiffany’s, with Clyde (aka Mr. "A gun is like a condom. Better to have too many and have extras than to be short when some shit pops off"), Clyde’s Sister, Pierre and Pierre’s boyfriend. Clyde and I got into a heated argument about Open Container Laws. He said they didn’t exist and that he could drink where he wanted. I agreed that he could drink wherever he wanted, but the police could also arrest him for it. He said I made up open container laws and I let him know that I don’t spend my free time making up shit to piss him off.

For some reason, we decided to take it back to 1999 and drink Cisco. This sounded good, especially with Clyde going “It’s alright. It’s peach. It’s mad fruity.” It wasn’t. My good sense left me and I sat around drinking Cisco like I was 16 again. Then I got a headache off that shit. I forgot why I don’t drink that shit. Now I remember.

I have a rule about liquor. I DO NOT DRINK WINE WITH TWIST OFF TOPS. I have had 3 bad fake wine experiences.

• 15 years old at the Kaffa House on Ustreet. 2 bottles of lime green MD 20/20. I spit on my homeboy, tried to start a fight, threw up on someone’s shoe and the metro, passed out into a coma and needed help figuring out my phone number so I could call my mom. Bad night.



• 16 years old. Locked out of my house, drinking Cisco (aka liquid crack). The funny thing is, we went to the store purposefully trying to get Night Train instead. I can't figure out it we upgraded or down graded. Smoking, Cisco, Gas mask. Nuff said. I passed out into a coma on my front porch (I was locked out of the house). Motherfuckers walking past thought I was dead. I learned 2 lessons from this: Don’t drink Cisco and never lose your keys. Apparently I lapsed on the first lesson but I ain’t lost my keys since.



• 16.5 years old. I am still stupid. Wild Irish Rose. I don’t even remember what happened besides me trying to sleep in the bathroom (I have since repeated this sleeping in the bathroom habit.)

According to Wikipedia, Cisco is Low End Fortified wine. The fact that “Low End” is used to describe this shit is no surprise. That peach wine is peach to cover up the distinct, almost overpowering taste of battery acid.

Wikipedia states:

“Some popular beverages in this category are Thunderbird, MD 20/20, Cisco, Night Train, and Wild Irish Rose……low-end fortified wines are generally considered suitable only for intoxication. Note that its classification as "wine" is a very loosely used term, and many people refer to it as "hooch", "street wine", "fortified wine", "bum wine", or "twist-cap wine"

Bad things happen when you attempt to drink these god awful beverages. Homes are broken, clothing is lost, vomit ensues. Last time I recall purchasing MD 20/20, it was a $1.25 a bottle, which means that I got piss drunk off of $3.00 worth of trash liquor.

According to one persons account:

“Cisco (the liquor) is commonly referred to as liquid crack. It is particularly harsh, despite only being 40 proof. Cisco provided me with great benefit, though. The last time I drank it, I went way overboard and almost died of alcohol poisoning. This, along with some other issues, led me to become a Muslim and give up alcohol altogether.

Cisco comes in a variety of flavors which all taste exactly the same. We used to just call it by the color. The consensus was that the orange would make you the sickest, unless it was so cold as to be almost frozen. I sucked down a couple of those before I opened for Eric B. and Rakim at our homecoming concert. This is the king of rotgut.”
(http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=644846&display)

Distinctly not a good look. Next time I want to flash back to 1999, I wont. I just looked up 1999 and nothing good really happened.

• Columbine popped off,


• War in Kosov,


• Y2k scares,


• Michael Jordan retired


• Mike Tyson went to jail


• James Byrd Jr. got murdered


• Some people got killed at a NASCAR event (additionally fuck NASCAR)


• Amy Fischer got released


• Napster debuted only to get fucked over later on,


• Amadou Diallo got killed,


• Freaky Tah from the Lost Boyz got shot,


• J-lo started singing. .


• Ummm Britney Spears.

Fuck 1999.

Next time Imma flash back to a better year.
Cop some Gilby’s Vodka, drive to Hampton and flash back to 2001