Showing posts from April, 2010

Anatomy of a Good Ass Grift : The Hustle Chronicles

See also: Anatomy of a Hustle

This chick came on my NJ transit train today wit the ill sob story.

*sniff sniff* (wait for it, I'm bout to break this down.)

I'm so sorry to bother you. My son and I are stranded here. We have no money and we are just trying to get home. *sniffle sniffle* I am asking that if you have something to spare, it would be a blessing. I am trying to raise 24 dollars. *sniffle sniffle* Thank you for your time.

Now...... This bitch was a pro. Jewelry, light makeup. Right age for a mother. Low ponytail. Light sniffles, no tears. Big purse, well dressed. Motherfuckers starting diggin in purses and shit and then this one guy goes "She does that shit everyday. Same fucking story."

She was smart, tho.

She hit up the transit.

Probably commuters. People not worn down by city grifting.

She never said she was robbed.

Draws attention and possibly brings the cops into the equation.
If someone starts to ask why she has no money she can dip because....

She didn'…

Bitch, I want cranberry juice!

I feel like my attitude was hand crafted for this city. I always did like cities. That's why I got an urban studies degree. There's this collective swarming energy in cities that is damn near palpable.

I've been wandering Tribeca, the Village and Chelsea on my way home and I just dig the vibe. If silent (or drunken, boisterous) observation is the name of the game then I had excellent training. Atlanta taught me how to wander and observe at all hours of day or night, head phones on, head up and eyes forward. Like Dc with training wheels. A friendly host of homelessness, poverty and piss smell.

Dc was more ramped up. Alil faster but definitely less frenetic than NY. This shit is crazy. So I work in the same building as ClearChannel Radio. My first day I am headed in and I see Tiny exiting the building.

That shoulda told me everything right there...

NY has taught me that God's greatest gift to man is that of observation. The shit that you will see if you just pay attentio…

The Ideological Oxymoron and the 14 dollar "Gourmet" Grilled Cheese.

So, I made it to the big city. Yeah. Me. I made it.

Tuesday was my first day and I think I love the city, though I cannot seem to escape the damn commercial that's running through my head.

I get on my A.M. commuter train at 7:20, which for me is insane. Insane. I haven't seen 7 something in the morning in like ever.

I gets on my train and arrive in the most fucked up place ever. Penn motherfucking station. I get lost deep in Penn Station and then I wander over to the A train to get to work.

Get off the train and Im lost. Straight up lost. I found an awesome store. They'll sell me anything for 2 dollars. Anything!

I go to work and I like it. After work I head home and make it into bed by midnight. This is my new thing. I go to work and I go home for good sleep.

The next couple of days are interesting. I go to work. I get lost. I get on the wrong A train, get off at 59th street and turn around. The train driver keeps saying "Have an optimistic day" and a Geico Gecko is …