Showing posts from October, 2008

I can't piss in a dirty shot glass and turn it into Cristal....

Okay, so if you read the last shit, you know that I was engaging in avoidance/delusion in regards to the reality of a situation. I refuse to go into the actual details of the situation as revealing details would reveal me to be a punk bitch with feelings... so I shall avoid all that and merely say this:

Every year I come up with a motto, to kind of mold and shape my goals throughout the year.

Some of you will recall:

2004- "Keeping it real in 04." (Yes it went wrong more than a few times…)

2005- (Which started out) Get rich or die trying & ended up (much to everyone's dismay) "Got screwed in 05, not getting screwed in 06"

2006- "Stop the bitchery, do it 4 the children."

I dunno what tha fuck happened in 2007 and it appears that various phrases colored 2008, like "Penis Honesty in 2008" or "Robbin the Uterus in 2008" or "Fuck you, I ain't buyin condoms in 08" but all in all I guess it comes down to "Doing it the…

Strippers and Freestylin.... (Election Edition Randoms!)

It's strange how people come across this blog. Some of these google searches are off the chain. Someone came upon this blog by searching for : fuck your tight wet pussy tonight poem. Interesting. Another one... "How to buy cigarettes"

Went to the strip club the other day. Two really interesting things happened:
A guy outside tried to sell me and my friend a Centrum. Yes that's right.... A single multi-vitamin.....

One of the strippers on stage had a tampon string hanging out. It was disturbing. I am still a lil traumatized.
Also, I realized that gettin paid to shake my Vag in someones face might be where it's at. I might need to make that move to pay my way through Grad school.

My neighborhood is off the chain.
There is a guy running around (who lives in the neighborhood) pulling licks on women and children in broad fucking daylight. Apparently he just got out of jail... I am certain he will be going back real soon. Now I gotta have motherfuckers walk m…

Dear PYT (Pretty Young Thing):

Sooooo...... I told you about what I didn't do....

Here is a tidbit about what I did do:

Dear PYT (Pretty Young Thing):

You are great. No, really. You are sweet like Sunshine. Shit. I might just call you that from now on, cuz that shit "is so good, if you threw it up in the air it would turn into sunshine."

Mmmm mmmm mmmm. You have no books in your house. Not 1. I'm 90 percent sure you can read, but at this point I don't think it matters even the least bit. Talking to a smart guy is akin to reading the Newspaper.... PYT, you are more like a sitcom. And that's fine by me. I do not come over to talk or pick your brain about the state of the world. Plus, you make up for it in other ways.

All that time that you spend "not reading" is well used in the gym because your body looks like fucking Hercules. and Me likes.

You don't mince words. That shit would take too much forethought and it tickles me when you ask inappropriate questions...

PYT, you are old en…

"Where the hell are all of yall coming from?"

First off, I would say "Where the hell are all of yall coming from?" but I know cuz I reverse stalk you. But Damn. Yall must be on some Referral program type shit cuz yesterday my blog BLEW UP. Well, I hope yall liked it.

This blog has made it so I have adopted Erian's Motto - "I'm in it for the story." I go out and I see where the world takes me. It isn't always safe. It most certainly isn't always smart.... But it definitely is Awesome and Fun as hell cuz I have no "What if?" type regrets. If there is even the smallest part of me that wants to do some shit, I just go ahead and do it.

Apparently the last blog brought up one question that everyone kept asking me:
Did I do the "Grown-up Dance" with AJ?

We all know that a Lady never tells... We also know that I ain't no lady, cuz I drop dimes constantly. So for all those who asked me, my roommate, my friends, or just plain wondered, here is your answer. (DRUM ROLL PLEASE).

No. I s…

The Morning After (aka Impact aka the longest "Walk of Shame" ever)

This is Part II of what happened at LOVE Howard Homecoming Friday. It is suggested that you peep Part I prior to reading this so you know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Giles... Here it is. As promised.

We all know that I’m not about sleepovers. So at about 6am, I gather all my shit with the intention of going home...

This is the first time since the Pittsburgh debacle that I have done some shit as dumb as what I did Friday Night....

Namely, I left my house with 2 dollars, my ID, a credit card (not a check card, no atm, no cash back option, nothin) and a tiny purse that was way too small for anything. I didn't even have my Blackberry, which made taking notes on the craziness that occurred the night before very difficult.

Which meant that I was stuck. My plan was to get 20 dollars off of homeboy and take a cab home. This plan was deaded when he saw that I was bout to dip and said "Fuck you doing? Where you think you going? Lay yo ass down."

Shit. Okay. Fuck it. I can r…

At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust.

John Legend - Green Light
So I went hard like Medusa staring at me
I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory
She said, What type of girl do you think I are
The kind that you meet in a bar
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star
No I'm a comet
I just want you woman
Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with
3, the one and only
One thing you ain't considered
I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it"
Admit it
You did it
Let's hop a cab and split it
I'm kiddin
We both going to where you livin

Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow.
First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was.

Dan scoops me, and I am running late as always, but the night…

We need a Vacation.....

We going. Brazil. Carnival. We might make it back. Shit. If all goes well, we wont. But trust. The vacay is muy necessito. We will get kidnapped. This is a certainty. We revel in having horrible judgment. I don't have enough stamps in my passport. Its a wrap. Every 6 months we shall vacay from here on out.

Dick, Brunch and Bubblegum, in that order.... (The Dj must be Psychic)

It was a weekend of random.

Apparently, if you attended Hampton, even if you were only there for one day and got kicked of for fighting and had to be “Out by 5”…. You will reunite with Hamptonians from across the world, sporadically. This weekend proved that all Hampton people are fitted with Hampton Homing devices that alert us to and draw us toward one another. Friday Erian appeared in town. A big bottle of Hennessey appeared in my fridge and our asses appeared at Union station to scoop Miss Kali herself.

First off, Friday and Love night club don’t so much mix. We were all tired and slightly off kilter. But as always, Love is like a family reunion.

Harry Hotter was spinning on the first floor and as always, that shit was hitting.

Him and his fro could get it. That motherfucker is a good ass DJ. Roomie said that he's certain Harry gets a shitload of pussy cuz of that fro. I told roomie that he deserves every inch of pussy he falls into.

Analyze was there but strangely was in the bo…

Debauchery occurred. Details to follow.

Debauchery occurred this weekend. Details to follow...... Just waiting on Ms. Kali to upload this photo of Bootsy Collins.


Vegas. Someone please kidnap me to Vegas!

Ummm this is more random than anything. So I guess its Randoms....

Shit I just don't do......

I don't do Perms
I don't knock it if you do...I just like my hair to be versatile.
I visited with Hicks (on a day when my hair just happened to be curly) and the minute I walked in the door he says "I see you all Cree Summers today. Wanna talk about it". To which I replied "Fuck you Nigga." Then I think I threw something...

I also don't do Hot rollers. I always end up with something akin to Prom/Bridesmaid hair... It ain't cute...

I don't do contacts. That shit is a Genetic lie... Like I meet you and you rockin contacts and I don't know you're blind. 9 months later we got a baby blind as Mr. Magoo. Fuck that. Rock bifocals if you must, but don't lure me in with the promise of babies with good vision and then snatch that shit away.

But if I were to wear contacts I would not be about colored contacts. God gave me "Sexy Chocolate B…