Showing posts from June, 2017

Side fucking note

This baby been yelling at me. Pick her up. She is back the fuck asleep. Can a mommy drink some Ch√Ęteauneuf-du-Pape and watch Mike Tyson's Mysteries in peace? Fuck man....

Pre-Labor must haves (aka All my fave shit)

Let's first talk about this labor....

I was induced Sunday night at 8:30 pm. We didn't actually have the baby until Tuesday morning at 2 am. Prior to going into labor I said, "I'm going to do this naturally". I took hypno-birthing which was great for relieving anxiety about labor but pretty much went out the window during the induction. Stay tuned for some gory details....

The doctors put a balloon in to open my cervix. This went fairly well but the baby wouldn't come down the birth canal so they gave me Pitocin. I was told that they top out at 20 mls. The contractions were uncomfortable but not unbearable. Once we got to 16 mls, I was still hanging in there but as the nurse reached for the button to up the dose, I caved. I had gotten to the point that the only thing I could visualize was my goddamn grave. I wasn't dying but I wanted to. Once I got the epidural, it was smooth sailing essentially.

I pushed for maybe an hour and a half, cursed out everyo…

Had a Baby, Life changed.

My life is drastically different from before. I got married and I had a baby.... Yeah, yeah. I know I wasn't about having a baby per se but I settled down with the man with whom I'd been traveling, working and spending free nights watching T.V. We have a house with a yard and a pretty adorable baby.

I was right about some things. She was a big ole parasite and I do mean big. Born 10 lbs, 1 ounce vaginally. I am on maternity and will be writing a bit about my mothering in the mean time so sit back and enjoy the ride.

Here is the section for the disclaimer: This is not a "Mommy Blog". It is a blog that is going to have some mommy shit on it because I am now a mom. This is, by no means, an exhaustive list of mommy shit and I am not a doctor. If you have a concern about something, go to a doctor, not fucking Google.