Pre-Labor must haves (aka All my fave shit)

Let's first talk about this labor....

I was induced Sunday night at 8:30 pm. We didn't actually have the baby until Tuesday morning at 2 am. Prior to going into labor I said, "I'm going to do this naturally". I took hypno-birthing which was great for relieving anxiety about labor but pretty much went out the window during the induction. Stay tuned for some gory details....

The doctors put a balloon in to open my cervix. This went fairly well but the baby wouldn't come down the birth canal so they gave me Pitocin. I was told that they top out at 20 mls. The contractions were uncomfortable but not unbearable. Once we got to 16 mls, I was still hanging in there but as the nurse reached for the button to up the dose, I caved. I had gotten to the point that the only thing I could visualize was my goddamn grave. I wasn't dying but I wanted to. Once I got the epidural, it was smooth sailing essentially.

I pushed for maybe an hour and a half, cursed out everyone and had a baby. She was 10 lbs, 1 ounce. When she came out, the doctor asked if I wanted to hold her and I said "Nope".... I was exhausted. Hungry, tired and she was pointy headed and red. I lost a liter of blood and was wiped the fuck out. I ate a sandwich and took a nap.

The episiotomy was a mess and the majority of the healing. My junk felt and likely was indeed wrecked. A coworker had told me to bring my own underwear to the hospital, which I did but really what I needed was adult diapers (which she also mentioned but in a jokey tone). This brings me to my 1st thing I wish I'd bought.

1. Adult Diapers - I recommend "Depend's Night Defense Incontinence Overnight Underwear". This may seem unnecessary but at the hospital they give you this shitty underwear which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have an episiotomy trying to heal. They gave me the underwear and told me to put it on, then to put a perineal ice pack in there and layer on top of it witch hazel pads. It felt wonderful but every time i went to the bathroom, my entire hobby-kit of vaginal healing fell in the toilet. I would hold my pee to avoid the 25 minute bathroom clean up and rejiggering of my underwear. If I could do it all over again, I'd bring 5 or so pairs of adult underwear to the hospital, just to make my life a bit easier.


2. Perineal Ice pack - These are great. It feels like that sensation everyone in a York Peppermint Patty seems to be experiencing but on your junk. Fabulous.

3. Dr. Brown Bottles - We like the wide mouth bottles, which work great for night feedings. We were initially using Avent bottles and though she was eating well, she was also eating quickly. Too quickly. So quickly that she would have painful gas for hours which meant we would be up for hours listening to her howl about painful gas. We switched to these Dr. Brown Bottles and it was a world of change. She still has gas but it is infinitely better than it was before. We like the wide mouth bottles, which work great for night feedings.

4. Hands free pumping bra - When I first saw these on the internet, I laughed audibly. It seemed ridiculous. Just sit down and commit 20 mins to pumping. But as I soon came to find out, time is a precious fucking resource when you have a newborn. Having my hands free and a Medela pump in a book bag enabled me to do laundry, unload the dishwasher, cook and feed myself while also pumping my breasts.

5. Boppy products - We have 2 Boppy products which are great but if I could only have one, it would be the Boppy Lounger. It holds her in a seated position so that she can hang out with my husband while he plays video games. They look like two peas in a mind numbing brain sucking pod.

6. NoseFrida - The NoseFrida basically just sucks boogers out of the babies nose. Yes, it is gross but trust me, there are grosser things out there. After all the piss and shit you get covered in, boogers are pretty tame by comparison.

7. Alexa - Being able to say "Alexa, Play Lullabies" has been surprisingly useful. Really anything where you can command it to play music or nature sounds or whatever is great. At 2 am, you will do anything to get your baby to go to sleep. Anything.

8. Long ass Bibs - We got these long ass baby handkerchiefs. They are great. The normal bibs were not containing our babies abundant dribble and these are long enough and absorbent enough to ensure that she doesn't get soggy.

9. Swaddleme Pods  - I am a shitty swaddler.  I wish I was better but I'm not. Partially this is my fault for sucking but my daughter is a sleep kicker. This weird swaddle sleeping bag makes our baby feel safe and sleep longer.

10.  Fucking Gripe water - Ok, so gripe water is supposed to cure hiccups, colic, indigestion and all other stomach ailments. The only thing this does for our daughter is make her spit up everything in her stomach when she is gassy or too full or whatever.  Baby spit up is not great but it kinda is when the baby keeps screaming because they are uncomfortable. When all else fails, gripe water.
Signing off for now. Babies bed time.

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