Showing posts from September, 2008

Psssttttt… It’s a secret……

Psssttttt… It’s a secret……

This is a mini ode to "Tell em how you feel Thursday." Shit I got some things I got to say.

Dear guy with only one condom….
When you got whiskey dick and lost it and you didn’t have another condom, so I left…..

Psssst… it’s a secret. I keep two Magnums in my wallet at all times. I didn’t want to break them out because:
You wouldn’t have been able to fill it out and that’s just unsafe…
You didn’t look like you were going to do anything worth staying up for and I was kinda tired.
I think that reasons 1 and 2 are reason enough. I am not even going to try and figure out a 3rd.

Hey you….…..
I did your friend one time…. I have no intentions of telling you unless I absolutely have to…. Therefore I probably never will….

Dear old guy,
You want me more than I could ever want you…. And tho I'm sure that you come with lots of experience and shit…. I still don’t want to have sex with you. I think you’re old, possibly sadistic, and I'm sure you have a mouth …

Two Whack Dates and a car accident….

Two Whack Dates and a car accident….

First off, the title of this blog is an ode to Beck’s song “Where it's at”, for all of you who don't know....

Friday, I was determined to get sleep. Apparently not too determined cuz I ended up going out with “The Lobbyist”. (In the future, I plan on referring to everyone I spend any time with by the nicknames that I use when I refer to them in conversations with my friends, as I have adopted my mother’s policy when it comes to men… Specifically, don’t use their names unless they matter…. And they don’t…..)

So I went out with “The Lobbyist”. The following lessons were learned:

I will not go out with anyone over 30.
They are boring and they have a sense of responsibility and obligation that I gives not a fuck about. I AM 25. I want to be young and enjoy it. And being responsible so that people can pat me on the back for bein all grown up like and shit … Not worth it. Being responsible because “I’m Supposed To Be”… also not worth it…. No. and m…

Today I made the decision.... Kiss my fucking ass.

Today I made the decision

Well technically it was yesterday… But anyway…

I have been kicking around the idea of Law school/ Grad school for a few weeks now. I think I’d like to do both…. But a conversation on Friday where my boss said that I needed a better reason for going to school besides the fact that I fuckin feel like it, made me determined to continue my education just cuz I fuckin feel like it.

I will attend both grad and law school for many of the same reasons I took my retarded ass to college.

I went to college for numerous random ass reasons.
I didn’t have shit else to do.
People told me I wasn’t going to go to college and I love proving assholes wrong.
College was really easy….

While at college I learned random shit.
How to argue down teachers.
How to bullshit my way through life.
Fool-proof excuses for lateness (i.e. Extremely detailed descriptions of diarrhea)

Ok. Maybe not the same reasons....
But I refuse to have someone tell me that the only good reason to go into law…

Nicotine withdrawal & Cramps.

Words of wisdom from the crazy cab driver who almost killed me late Wednesday night…..
“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, either negative or positive… I call this “Human social physics”. Always remember, no matter what you do... Women are walkin ovens, and you don’t wanna let the wrong chef up in yo kitchen.”

Wise words from a wise man (though I think he spent more time thinking than he did driving, cuz he really did almost kill me).

Yesterday I suffered. Cramps. Plus Nicotine withdrawal. I have broken up with cigarettes before. Every time it is painful and eventually I go crawling back because Newports bitch me.

Needless to say it was a rough day. Work, not so bad. Good lunch. Was slightly grumpy but fuck it…..

Went to get on the bus, which took forever. This man in a nice blue Obama baseball cap comes up to me and asks me if I have a spare transfer… "No.."

Then he reaches into this bag and pulls out this yellow cap and goes “Well, would you like to buy this Ob…

Ecstasy and Liquor make people act completely fucking inappropriately.

Ecstasy and Liquor make people act completely fucking inappropriately.

My coworker is gone. I feel like I lost a buddy. I guess I did. It’s like the job broke up with her. One day everything is fine and the next, the job doesn't want to see her anymore and just wants to be friends..... It was sad. So I took her to Cafe Asia and then we bought chocolate.... Yay Sushi. Yay Chocolate.

Lots of things have me feeling some kinda way.
Talking to one of my exes made me remember all the reasons I left him.

Cuz he is hypersensitive and got irate when I asked him to stop calling me from random people’s house and cell phones...

It’s unnerving and I don’t fucks wit it. I end up calling back your mama’s house past 10pm and I wasn’t raised like that. It’s fucking rude.

Apparently he didn’t like this and let me know that I have outrageous standards and he can’t help it if he does not have the means to stay in contact with me and that this is why I’m single now... I let him know that I would rather …

Preemptive Vasectomies

Preemptive Vasectomies…

I have discussed marrying no less than 5 people. I am still not married. I was thinking that this was a bad thing, but then I read one of my favorite bloggers pieces "I’m in love with someone else” and realized that not only is this not a bad thing, this is a very very good thing. Love is apparently for suckers and I think I’ve done it one too many times to want to be bothered with that which isn’t the real thing.

Like one of my other favorite bloggers wrote Do I miss "it"? [It being what truly was there] Na... When things don't have truth, they lack substance and feelings are fleeting. Do I miss what I thought I had? Who wouldn’t? Happiness is blissful, but so is ignorance, and I prefer to be in the know.

If it ain’t real, it ain’t worth the time, energy or the “Talks”. (Side note: I’m putting a moratorium on “Talks.” No more fucking “Talks”. Talks are a BS by product of misunderstandings that result from ineffective communication during a r…

Sobering realizations.

My dad's blood pressure was up yesterday. He went to the doctor and they're tweaking his meds. He also has to go get his cholesterol checked today. Its nerve racking to think that something might happen to him. I don't know if ill ever be ready to lose him, but I know that i really am not ready right now.

Roomie wasn't home and I needed someone to talk to. I called my brother and spoke with him. People act like I don't take things seriously, I joke around and I'm not prepared for shit, but my role in my family is the clear thinking one who is prepared for shit when it happens. I realize that, tho it pains me, my father will die. and if he doesn't have insurance to cover the balance of his mortgage, my brother will be homeless and will possibly end up living with me. So yesterday we talked over the sobering reality of what needed to be done. My brother can cover an electric bill and tho he may need help from time to time, He will at least be able to survive.…

The "Good Girls" Guide to Freaky College Sex.

Lately I’ve been thinking about having kids…..

No. Not like me running out and having kids. Just whether I ever want to have them or not. I know quite a few men who lack intergrity and scruples and the thought of carrying one of their fetuses is nauseating to say the least.

Everytime I see people out with their kids, they look like they wish they could have them motherfuckers unborn or some shit….. I dunno, that shit appears to be for the birds… But whatever. I have a wealth of random knowledge that I had planned to share with my children and sans kids, I figured I'd share it with you.

My normal “Sex Talk” with the youths goes like this:

For Girls: Stay away from boys. They’re dirty.

For Boys: Use condoms. (Just in case they run into some girls who didn’t get the “Stay away from boys. They’re dirty” speech).

But I realized that I have quite a bit of good knowledge to share about shit so I shall share away, cuz hey sex happens

The "Good Girls" Guide to Freaky College Sex.