Sobering realizations.

My dad's blood pressure was up yesterday. He went to the doctor and they're tweaking his meds. He also has to go get his cholesterol checked today. Its nerve racking to think that something might happen to him. I don't know if ill ever be ready to lose him, but I know that i really am not ready right now.

Roomie wasn't home and I needed someone to talk to. I called my brother and spoke with him. People act like I don't take things seriously, I joke around and I'm not prepared for shit, but my role in my family is the clear thinking one who is prepared for shit when it happens. I realize that, tho it pains me, my father will die. and if he doesn't have insurance to cover the balance of his mortgage, my brother will be homeless and will possibly end up living with me. So yesterday we talked over the sobering reality of what needed to be done. My brother can cover an electric bill and tho he may need help from time to time, He will at least be able to survive.

I'm the youngest, and I love my brother to death but he isn't the greatest at responsibility. I guess yesterday was just tough. dealing with things that i hadn't anticipated needing to deal with just yet. My father is calling the insurance people today, so that we can be thoroughly prepared for the unpleasant yet inevitable.

I wanna thank all the people who checked up on me and lent me an ear. It is much appreciated. Yesterday was just alil rough on me.

Comments

Mrs. Mary Mack said…
Although we don't know each other, I can understand where you're living "head wise" right now. My Dad has been sick for a LONG time now, and every illness puts me back into this place. I hope that everything gets better.
10/9/08 9:35 AM
Don said…
I can relate to this post, kinda the approach I've taken with my sister who lives in a different city - kinda hate to think this particular way, but it's real and never personal.
8/10/08 1:09 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recap with my Shrink and a Declaration of Singledom

I woke up this morning real sadlike. I woke up knowing that I would have to do something very difficult today. I was going to have to break up with my therapist.... Or at the very least stagger my appointments. See, my job changed my health care. The new shitty ass health care that they gave me is taken by virtually no one. Exhilarating. And right before xmas. Merry fucking xmas. I heart sanity and shit but I cannot afford to spend 2K a year to keep it. When I first walked into his office, I couldn't articulate what was wrong. I was upset but I couldn't say why. Nothing was wrong but Nothing was right either. I was extremely depressed. My gyno recommended that I take up jogging. Tip: When very depressed, do not attempt to jog as a remedy. It is impossible to jog while sobbing. (I speak from personal experience.) He took time. Never questioned me. Waited for me to learn to trust him and take down my guard. He never lectures and never judges. And He helped me immensely in ways t...
Read more

At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

Image
I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust. John Legend - Green Light So I went hard like Medusa staring at me I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory She said, What type of girl do you think I are The kind that you meet in a bar You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star No I'm a comet I just want you woman Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with 3, the one and only One thing you ain't considered I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it" Admit it You did it Let's hop a cab and split it I'm kiddin We both going to where you livin Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow. First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was. Dan scoops me, and I am running late as alw...
Read more

My heart vs. My head (Plus Haters, Hoe friends & Fluke bitches)

After getting back from NJ and seeing my dad, who is now out of the hospital with pending cardiologist visits, I have been bogged down with work, sleep, colds and the guy I like. I have also been slightly torn between what I feel I "should" say to him vs. what actually has a need to be verbalized in our current situation. We ain't got no rings... and no commitments (though we do get along well). The sex is.... Well just watch the video: Now, we haven't discussed exclusivity. I don't think there is an expectation that my vagina is strictly for him and tho I haven't slept with anyone else yet, a much welcome friend should be reemerging within the next week. I think we are functioning on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He don’t seem to want to ask, so I don’t really intend on telling. All I know is this: My heart says one thing... (like perhaps if I care about the sanctity and purity of this situation, I should keep my vag to myself.) My vagin...
Read more