Psssttttt… It’s a secret……

Psssttttt… It’s a secret……

This is a mini ode to "Tell em how you feel Thursday." Shit I got some things I got to say.

• Dear guy with only one condom….
  When you got whiskey dick and lost it and you didn’t have another condom, so I left…..
  
  Psssst… it’s a secret. I keep two Magnums in my wallet at all times. I didn’t want to break them out because:
  
  1. You wouldn’t have been able to fill it out and that’s just unsafe…
     
  2. You didn’t look like you were going to do anything worth staying up for and I was kinda tired.
     
  3. I think that reasons 1 and 2 are reason enough. I am not even going to try and figure out a 3rd.
  
  
  
• Hey you….…..
  I did your friend one time…. I have no intentions of telling you unless I absolutely have to…. Therefore I probably never will….
  
  
• Dear old guy,
  You want me more than I could ever want you…. And tho I'm sure that you come with lots of experience and shit…. I still don’t want to have sex with you. I think you’re old, possibly sadistic, and I'm sure you have a mouth on you that will make me blush…. Pervert. You are still really hot tho….
  
  
• Dear every guy who shops at the Target in Columbia Heights:
  I know you have a huge penis. I also know that you are cost conscious during these dire financial times… But for the love of god, could you please just leave me 1 Family sized box of magnums. Just one jumbo pack. Me and roomie can split it, but DAMN! I should not have to go all the way out to Wheaton, where smaller penises reside… and I will Not use "Warming Sensation" Magnums. I do not like warm ing on my genitals, it confuses her and makes her skittish... Tho I'm down for a box of "Twisted" Magnums... Those are kinda fun...
  
  
• Dear all of yall,
  When I said you were the best…. I lied. When I said it was “yours”, I really meant it was being lent to you until I decide to lend it elsewhere. When I made all those noises, had you paid attention and looked in my eyes… you would’ve known I was faking…When I said it was a good size…. Yeah. I guess it’s alright….
  
  
• Shhhhh…. It’s a secret….
  I got 2 of the best pieces of advice that I've ever received this weekend…..
  
  
  1. I said : I’m running away…
     He said : From?
     I said : In general…
     He said : Is someone chasing you?
     I said : Nope, just running away….
     He said : If you’re running away, someone has to be chasing you… If no ones chasing you, you’re not running away… You’re just leaving….
     
     Touche sexy old guy… Touche…
     
     
  2. The fabulous free spirit I met on Sunday told me this:
     

     None of it means anything. There is no rhyme and no reason and as an individual, you can’t change shit cuz 5 people run the entire country. Enjoy your life. Roam the world. See shit and expect nothing. You will fall in and out of love, have the time of your life and meet some of the most amazing people imaginable. Just enjoy you’re life and live it to the fullest.

  
  
  
• Dear whomever it may concern:
  Before I really like you, I see everything quite clearly like Bobby Fischer sees pieces on a chess board. It only gets messy once I like you.
  
  
• Dear asshole:
  It’s none of your business. You are a moron. She is the best thing that ever could have happened to you, you never deserved to touch her and you will be kicking yourself for letting her go the rest of your shitty life.
  
  
• Dear guy who will never read this.
  You are alil too young for me, and I am alil too old for you, but like Anthony said, You’re a grown man and capable of making your own decisions… Though it’s probably not the best idea, I l**e (hint. The only L words I’m about are like and lust….) you… I am anxious to see where this will lead.

This is actually just a modified form of randoms but I felt like getting a few things off my chest….

Don’t tell anybody tho….SHhhhh… Secretssss…..