The Shit I Hate About DC

I have actually managed to make up with everyone. Kisses exchanged and sammiches snacked on... All is well. Still studyin to leave tho....

Lemme expound on one thing for yall.... I hate Anonymous compliments. Especially when theyre negative. Real talk. MAN THA FUCK UP. If you hate my blog... dont read it. If you don't like what I say, Kick fuckin rocks. And if you have some shit to say.. At least have the balls to sign that shit.

I got a comment on my last blog that said: THIS ENTRY SUCKS! What happened 2 all your sleeping around & the partying & the crazy stories. I was thoroughly disappointed by this one. If u hate DC so much then GET THE FUCK TO THE NEXT CITY! We don't want u anymore anyway if you're going 2 be a bore & have no more fun stories to offer.

And you know what.... You're correct. I'm sorry my life cant live up to your expectations. I'll be sure to get caught up in a gangbang this weekend while bumpin Wale and Backyard to make up for you're boredom and my lack of DC enthusiasm.

If you read my blog to live vicariously through what I do...Tip. Leave your house. Make a friend. Have yo own adventures.

I did not know that I was the patron saint of crazy activities and DC love....

Secret... I dont really like DC. I like that I know people here. I like that sometimes that benefits me. But as a city, DC can suck it.

I actually wrote an entire blog call Dear Mr. Joe DC about every Average Joe DC dude. Its like a running list of turn offs for me.

I moved here in Middle School, yet when people ask me where I'm from, I always say "Georgia". Georgia Peach from the cradle to the grave....til my motherfuckin casket drops. If you love DC... Go at it. You can have that shit.

Let me quickly run down a list of the shit that annoys me about DC:

1. Pretentious Bar Conversation
   I don't care where you went to school. I'm drunk. Please move onward. The level of sexual arousal you are displaying based on your fundamental desire to debate is creepy and desperate.
   
   
2. DC will never be a fashion Mecca.
   It just wont. And DC... It's your own fuckin fault. God Damn Nike Boots. SMH....
   
   
   
   
   
   
   DC fashion week my ass.....
   
   
3. GOGO... Really.
   I hate Gogo for the same reasons I hate reggae. Observe.
   
   • Take popular song.
     
   • Remake it crappily.
     
   • Put on radio....
   
   
   Yup. Still hate you.
   
   
4. Howard University...
   
   Matter of Fact, all of yall.
   UMD, Georgetown, GW, American, Them others... Bowie? Really? that's a school?
   But Especially UMD. Get the fuck out of the street. I am sooooo tired of almost running over yall dumb ass children when I'm driving. I hate you and I will wantonly run you over.
   
   
5. The Tourists....
   No, I can't give you directions. No, I don't know where the museum is. No. Please get your ugly tacky children back on the metro and out of my face.
   
   
6. Let us not forget the crazy bitch with camera.....

You don't have to like my opinions. Or respect them. I don't care but that's how I honestly feel. You ask... you get hot fire.

As to the lack of crazy penetration stories.... The truth is simply this: I've only been sleeping with one person. That aint some shit I like to spread around or tell everybody.... Its just fact. I am currently sexually monogamous and I don't feel that the details of what go on in that situation are appropriate to put here. Know that I am happy and satisfied. Sorry I cant roam the streets fuckin my back out for your amusement but only one person has gotten my goodies for the past couple of months and we intend to keep it that way for a while.

If you're here for amusement... go watch a fuckin movie. This ain't all high notes, chuckles and multiple orgasms... This is my life. I don't stop by yo house and tell you how boring it is when you're depressed... Please don't do it to me.

I'm about to be 27. My wild days are coming to a close and my heart just isn't in crazy anymore. At 25, tappin a 20 year old felt thrilling. Now it just feels sad. There's no challenge in capturing them doe-eyed motherfuckers. I'm on my grown shit. Less adventure and more one on one connectivity. Sorry if it bores you but it's my life.

Not Quite... But I'm gettin there.

I haven't written alot lately. (This is actually starting to become my standard blog greeting... It's a shame. really.)

So I'm sitting here sipping on a Cabernet Sauvignon, tryin to process how I feel and semi-succeeding and semi-failing. I work a ridiculous amount of hours a week. I get home every night, emotionally drained and physically exhausted. Everyday that I go to work I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Most days this would be normal and expected but on Friday it came from someone whom I'd begun to trust.

This shit.... took me over the edge. I realized that I truly do hate my life. I am capable of so much and I literally spent this last year doing absolutely nothing. Nothing. I wasted an entire year of my life. I will never get this year back and it's my own fucking fault.

I was driving home last Thursday and I swear I had a glimpse at my future. My career, my spouse, my home... It looked not at all like my current life. It looked way more pleasing.

So I am on the road toward that shit. I am pretty much done with DC. I don't want to settle here. I don't really care to work here and the only school around here that has a program that I would be interested in attending is University of Maryland... which I hate. Alot. Sooooo on to the next one.

And for some reason, I have been letting more people into my life lately and opening up alil more and I notice that it has distinctly bitten me in the ass. Maybe I been slackin off on my screening process but the folks who I've been "Trusting" lately have not been honoring that trust. Honestly I feel deeply betrayed and regret allowing people to get close to me because nothing seems to be sacred anyfuckingmore.

I think one person stepping outside of "Okay" and upsetting me would have been fine but in less than 48 hours that shit happened again. A private conversation was made anonymously public on fucking Facebook. Now, I am pretty open with my life so if I choose to omit something from my public profile in the world, that was truly a one on one conversation with someone about being a child of divorce.... That's private.

Especially if it is someone who had worked on building a trust with me...

Side note... Karma's a bitch. Just trust me on that. A big ass bitch.... Stoopid bitch.

Now I'm looking at everyone sideways. I am deeply hurt at this point and am taking all of the shit that has been going on lately as a sign that I need to get the fuck out of DC.

I would say.... I'm not quite bitter, but I'm getting there. That I'm not quite out of here yet, but I'm on my way. That all I really have in this world is my balls and my word... and I don't even have balls. FML....



Walls up. Head down....

Free Music Wednesday.... Enjoy.

Free Music Wednesday.... Enjoy.
Marques Houston - Sex, Lies and MH
Amerie - In Love And War
Lil Wayne - No Ceilings

Your nice car doesn't make up for the fact that you're an asshole.....

Today was interesting so I thought I'd share. I woke up this morning to the rants of "The Crazy Lady". I should have known that lady lives too close to me. I need to move....

I have been working very late hours so I woke up and was headed to work, late as shit, walkin down the street thinkin bout that fine guy from brunch and how much finer he'd have been if he weren't an asshole. He had a nice smile.... Was alittle corny (which is what I would have expected based on his age). Wasn't the most truthful individual but I'd never keep him. Never. Who needs the headache?

Hmm, well who do I see driving a fly ass car honking at me as I pass by the entrance of his "company........

Now, I'm sure its wrong to give people "Fly ass car" bonus points but if he was running a deficiet points wise based on personality, he made his way back into my good graces due to his arms, ex-model status and that fine ass car. I'm a sucker for the 3 A's....Abs, Arms & Automobiles.....

Anywho, the conversation went like this:
Him: Hey
Me: Hehehe Whatup?
Him: Where you been at?
Me: Work and shit.
Him: (Palm out, Colgates just shinin) Gimme five.
Me: How bout I give you 1? (Extending a solitary digit in his direction, he grabs my finger)
Him: You still got my number?
Me: No, yeah, maybe? I dunno. I'm late. Call me later.
Him: I don't got your number.
Me: Oh. But you did have it. Awww you got pissy wit me and deleted it? You're that kinda dude? Aww you was feeling some kinda way?
Him: Come on, just gimme the number...
Me: Whatever. (Rapid-fire relaying of number)… Now for the Million Dollar Question: What's my name?
Him: I dunno what is it?
Me: Uh uh. You got the number. Figure out the name... That's your assignment. Work on that.... Make that happen.

He's fine.... But I've had finer.
Plus, even though his tinge of asshole was redeemed by his cream worthy car.... I know his paper ain't straight. He is living beyond his means and is right back at the demerit level that he was at before I seent him today. SMH.
Shit that was said and heard:

"There are three things I don't use; Sunblock, Seatbelts and Prophylactics." SMH.... I guess you gotta believe in something.

"Fuck it dude. I can't teach all these hoes..."

"Hoes need goals, too, and according to this video their goal is to get nutted on by Plies."

"I am so sick of these damn fucked up facebook Names. Erica Suckabeachballthruagardenhose Powers. Brian Numbaonepussylickerfolife Williams. What the fuck is wrong wit yall youthes..."

"Yo, I met these two women. One was hot .... and One was her friend." (It seems to always go like that.)

"Fuck is wrong witchu! Crepes are delicious. They're like french Enchiladas. What the fuck!"

Best lame pickup convo ever:

Guy: You're lucky. I got 1 spot left in my phone. What's your number?

Sidenote. I wear a plain silver band on my hand for just such occasions.
Me: Sorry, I'm married.
Guy: Tsk tsk tsk. He let you out?
Me: Umm well all the house work was done and he was fed so he said I could have the night off?

"See! That's why you're always endin up in clandestined sexual situations!!! Lack of knowledge of social protocol in relation to anonymous sexual encounters. Smh. Your buttholes in constant jeopardy."

Yeah. Its been special. Real special.

I been workin.... thats what I been doin....

Ive been working anywhere from 8-15 hours a day. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I promise Ill write something soon. I promise. Just gimme a lil time. I feel like Im letting you all down when I cant write but when I dont get enough sleep, I cant creatively juice nothing. If you need tidbits of my crazy, come find me on facebook. Netta Rose.....

I'm in Miami, Bitch!!!

Ok, so I'm actually back from Miami. I haven't been writing as much lately. Between work and personal, theres never enough time in the day. Lemme just recap Miami for you.

I got drunk Wednesday night and wandered home to find a dude asleep in the cubbyhole to my apartment. Real talk, I thought it was my roomie when I walked up. Like "Damn Bitch! You couldn't even make it in the door?" But no. It was random sleepy man. He was very apologetic tho. I told him, "Fuck it. Folk gotta sleep and shit".

Lets just say this : Wine plus Ciroc.... tasty but not the best idea. When I woke up for my plane on Thursday, I was not in the best shape. I arrived at the airport hungover and confused.

Get on the plane and finally arrive. Here are my pics of firsts.


1st drank


First meal


First drunk pic


First drunk clothing change

Apparently, Miami is the land of "TOO MUCH DAMN ALCOHOL".... Like buy one get one free, but one costs 25 dollars and is roughly 80 ounces of drunk... I like a bargain just as much as the next chick but damn.... damn.

Also, Miami is where Day 26 rejects go to nail America's Next Top Model rejects so they can procreate and make genetically substandard offspring. Lots of product. Like Jersey.... Cept with more nudity.

There is this guy in Miami: He dresses up like Batman. When I say he dresses up like Batman, I really mean he wanders around with a mask on acting slutty. See below.


At some point in here he told Megan that he wanted to be the seasoning on her eggs.


Yeah.....

Yes, that is a stripper outfit. And tho you cannot see it, he commited thoroughly. He is wearing a thong. smh.

I could hit the low and high notes but honestly, in 90 degree weather with a fairly constant stream of alcohol in my system, my memory is spotty.


Miami is the land of ignant ass tees


Fifty cents tho?


Drunk in the club. Miami clubs are awesome. There are pole dancing chicks and people who pour shots in your mouth like magic. LIKE DRUNK MAGIC.


Views


This made me sad until someone told me it was Mahi-Mahi. That shit is good.

Randomnesses that occured:

• We were headed to the liquor store and theses guys were like "Where you goin?" to which we replied "Liquor store!" then they said "We got liquor." Skkkkkrrrrrt. So we end up crackin them lil mini bottles and I pour some Barcardi into a cup with some cran-apple juice and feel ballerific. Then these fools pull out a cooler and go "Would you like some organic grapes?".... Really tho? Bootleg drinks out the back of a van and organic grapes out of yo random cooler. Thanks for keepin it classy but we got to go.
  
  NOTE: If you're on my facebook, you can see this. If not... Oh well. It's just drunken video of pole girls....
  
  
  
• I was headed back from the club in the above video when these guys stopped me.
  GUYS: Where you headed?
  Drunk Me: My feet hurt. I'm goin back to the hotel.
  GUYS: My friends gonna rub yo feet.
  Drunk Me: MY FEET HURT. You are impeding my progress.
  GUYS: Impeding? What are you, some kind of technician?
  Drunk Me: Actually... Yes. I am.
  
  
  
• Fine bouncer guy kidnaps me to the beach; oddness ensues.
  Fine Bouncer: How you like Miami?
  Me: It's ok, I guess.
  Fine Bouncer: What's wrong? Can't find anyone to talk to.
  Me: First off, I'm talking to you right now but even if I wasn't I don't need all that. Like, someone to talk to...
  Fine Bouncer: You don't need me?
  Me: No. I stand here cuz I choose to not cuz I NEED too. Thats a much bigger compliment. Trust.
  Fine Bouncer: Oh. Ok.
  Me: Wait... Are you trying to dry hump me standing up?
  Fine Bouncer: You'd make a beautiful baby....
  Me: Oh hell no. I got to go.
  
  
• And here is why American Airlines is Bollocks:
  How to get home from Miami...
  
  
  1. Get a 7am call letting you know your flight is cancelled. Be annoyed.
     
  2. Call the airline and realize that your flight has been rescheduled from Monday at 12:30 pm to Tuesday 10pm arriving Weds morning.
     
  3. Realize that this makes no sense and that you desperately need to get out of Miami and never come back.
     
  4. Have them reschedule you so that you leave around 11am and then transfer in Dallas to get to BWI at 5.
     
  5. Realize that this is bullshit. Leave ASAP.
     
  6. Get to the airport. Run around. and argue with the fucking guy who won't check my bag cuz he's "tryin to save me 20 dollars". Go inside and check my fucking bag.
     
  7. Get lost finding security. Take a Klonopin.
     
  8. Get food for later.
     
  9. Stop by duty free and spray on some of my fave perfume. Relax.
     
  10. Find out my flight is oversold. Get on anyway. Breathe deep and try not to curse.
      
  11. Sit next to a guy from Dallas who convinces me to come visit him.
      
  12. Part ways and do a nomadic type trek across Dallas Fort Worth airport.
      
  13. Almost miss my next flight.
      
  14. Finally arrive at BWI. Get my bag and take a Super shuttle home.
      
  15. Miss my date. Curse alot. Swear never to take American Airlines again.

And in Conclusion: AMERICAN AIRLINES SUCKS. THE End. Back from Miami Bitch!!!

And Ill take you out wit random pics...

We saw this dude in the club and laughed for about 10 minutes cuz he looked like a rapist. Also, you can't see it but he has 2 pairs of sunglasses. One on his shirt and one on his head... at night.


GIANT MOJITO!


About 2 days before I left I gave up and hung work sheep.


Nice architecture plus camera phone equals me gettin fancy


Yay Cities


Dis Megan

Miami.... I'm thru wit you. Cheap dirty trick.

My path ain't your path... (Ps. Babies are parasites)

I can honestly say that I've been exploring lately.

Exploring my limits. Exploring my wants and desires. Breaking out of my preconceived notions of what "happiness" is supposed to look like and what my life should be comprised of.


There's been alot of talk about what shit is supposed to be. Apparently I am supposed to meet a man, get married, make a baby and then.... I guess raise some kids and die.

This shit does not sound like a win to me. I know married people. Alot of them are very unhappy. I also know alot of people with kids and apparently that shit ain't all it's cracked up to be either.

I was eating "Birthday Sushi" with my dad and we were discussing how pregnant women can't eat sushi. I was thinking about the reasons behind that. Parasites. Hmmmm, why would babies be threatened by parasites? And then I realized the obvious. Babies are also parasites and they don't like the competition.

A baby parks itself in your guts for 9 months. It saps your energy and eats half of your fucking food.... then it pops out. If we were in one of those "Alien" movies, you'd bludgeon it to death. But no.... Babies are made "cute" to prevent you from beating them to death the minute they pop out. It's a scam I tell you... A SCAM!

Periodically, I'll talk to someone who has kids and they'll try and convince me that having kids is the most rewarding thing you can do with your life. Like, raising a child successfully is the greatest shit you can do.

Now, lemme ask you this: Say I loiter for 9 months, pop out a kid, ride out 18 years and then pat myself on the back for not raising a sociopath. Couldn't I have just dodged pregnancy all together and consequently never created this potential "menace to society".... It's not like the world is lacking children, or people pressed to make them so I'm pretty sure I can sit this one out.

My homeboy recently asked me, "Do you plan on being a spinster?"

Hmmm. What does that entail? Apparently lots of cats.

Is that the worst thing I can do with my life? Not get married? Not settle down into a life of conjoined credit and 19 - 30 year obligations to ungrateful children. The putting aside of my dreams and goals to pause and raise a child or two?

I don't know that I understand this construct. I'm still not sure I get monogamy and I honestly don't know that monogamy is for me. How can the dual parts of my personality be satisfied by merely one person? I have a masculine and a feminine side that require drastically different things for me to be satiated. Every time I try to forgo one in favor of the other, I am inevitable left displeased with the result.

If "Love" is wanting another person to be happy, and the person you "Love" needs another lover to be satisfied and happy, is it truly love if you don't let the meet that need?

Can we redefine love, please? Because all the love I have seen has been selfish. Love isn't blind. It's narcissistic. It sees itself, protects and feeds itself.

Here is what I want. My relationship wish list per say: I want 2 relationships concurrently. I want a boyfriend and a girlfriend. They can love or hate each other... or not even know each other for that matter. Don't really care but they cannot sexually interact with each other. I want to date both of them, be satisfied and be happy. I don't want to talk about feelings alot. I would be monogamous with both of them (yes, I did just say that). I cannot say what they can or cannot do. The only thing I require is that my sexual, emotional and intellectual needs get met.

Beyond that, they should explore whatever pleases them. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. Now, I know this sounds alil off kilter but it works in my head, on paper and in practice.

I could require them to be monogamous with me as well, but personally I don't care. It's not my desire to limit the happiness of those I care about. In hashing out this idea, the central theme of "If they are fucking other people, so should you" keeps popping up. It is not my desire to roam the streets merely to have a sexual tit for tat. If I am satisfied, I am satisfied. I don't feel the need to be able to say "Ha! I fucked someone else too."

"To make love for revenge, or pain, what is that? It hurts the mind, and the soul it shrinks. The soul grows smaller. And perhaps it even dies."

I cannot even pretend to fathom these "rules" for life. So I'm through. I know what I want. I know what works for me and I know that I can't follow the path that everyone else seems to be wandering. It ain't for me.

Like the illustrious Mr West said :

How could a goddess ask someone that's only average for advice, OMG, you listen to that bitch?

My path ain't your path and honestly, who ever did something spectacular by walkin in someone else's footprints?


They say it takes two, but I'll be damned if sometimes it don't take 3....