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Shit I'm not here for (That's that shit I don't like)

My tolerance for shenanigans has decreased drastically in the last few months. I have been mentally compiling a list of "Shit I'm not here for". This is my personal list and I'm sure everyone has their own list of stuff they can't fuck with but I felt like getting mine down in writing.

People at my door
Do you have a package? Do you have delivery food? If you can't answer yes to either of these questions, go away. Proselytizing... nope. Energy scam... Naw. No. I have said it before and I will say it again: I ain't pay all these door monies to have people up in here knocking on my door. If I don't know you or you aren't invited, go tf away. You could be Ed McMahon with some money. Idgaf. Get off my stoop.

People with too much energy
When people have a manic level of energy, that shit makes my spirit uneasy. Rather than deal with that, I'll just walk away. Too tired for this shit.

People who lie about dumb stuff
I'm 35 (soon). I don'…

Side fucking note

This baby been yelling at me. Pick her up. She is back the fuck asleep. Can a mommy drink some Ch√Ęteauneuf-du-Pape and watch Mike Tyson's Mysteries in peace? Fuck man....

Pre-Labor must haves (aka All my fave shit)

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Let's first talk about this labor....

I was induced Sunday night at 8:30 pm. We didn't actually have the baby until Tuesday morning at 2 am. Prior to going into labor I said, "I'm going to do this naturally". I took hypno-birthing which was great for relieving anxiety about labor but pretty much went out the window during the induction. Stay tuned for some gory details....

The doctors put a balloon in to open my cervix. This went fairly well but the baby wouldn't come down the birth canal so they gave me Pitocin. I was told that they top out at 20 mls. The contractions were uncomfortable but not unbearable. Once we got to 16 mls, I was still hanging in there but as the nurse reached for the button to up the dose, I caved. I had gotten to the point that the only thing I could visualize was my goddamn grave. I wasn't dying but I wanted to. Once I got the epidural, it was smooth sailing essentially.

I pushed for maybe an hour and a half, cursed out everyo…

Had a Baby, Life changed.

My life is drastically different from before. I got married and I had a baby.... Yeah, yeah. I know I wasn't about having a baby per se but I settled down with the man with whom I'd been traveling, working and spending free nights watching T.V. We have a house with a yard and a pretty adorable baby.

I was right about some things. She was a big ole parasite and I do mean big. Born 10 lbs, 1 ounce vaginally. I am on maternity and will be writing a bit about my mothering in the mean time so sit back and enjoy the ride.

Here is the section for the disclaimer: This is not a "Mommy Blog". It is a blog that is going to have some mommy shit on it because I am now a mom. This is, by no means, an exhaustive list of mommy shit and I am not a doctor. If you have a concern about something, go to a doctor, not fucking Google.

Feel free to go to here and read on that.....

You can follow.... https://twitter.com/#!/Jeanettisms/

Shit i say at work, cuz im too lazy-busy to blog. (my supervisor writes these down)

Who likes Jell-o? It’s just juice that jiggles.” 5/24/2010

“Is there a movie about invisible sharks? Cause we should make one.Think how cheap it’d be!” 5/26/2010

“If I lived in a village, I’m sure they’d, like, put me down. They’dbe, like, ‘you’re too weird to live.’” 5/26/2010

“It is better . . . to have eaten . . . and lost . . . . than to never have eaten at all.” 5/27/2010

“. . . I was just thinkin’ you’d make a horrible woman. I mean, evenif you shaved the beard, you’d still be too lazy to gussy it up.”5/27/2010

“I love bar codes. I’ma bar code my kids. ‘It’s 10:00 pm, do youknow where your kids are?’ *Bloop!* Got ‘em!” 5/28/2010

“Wouldn’t it be great, like, if you had a friend who could pop-lockreal well, and you get them drunk and put them in a cow suit and madethem pop-lock for you?” 6/2/2010 (Ed: This was entirely unsolicitedand unrelated to anything that was going on).

“If there were giant hamsters, they would look like you . . . . . . Ithink that’s a compliment.” 6…

Tiny Bottles of Wine are Ingenious.

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Preface: Let me start by stating that I postponed my LSATs. I need to work further on my Reading Comprehension and the hiatus that I took from writing has left me feeling completely unprepared for the actual writing section. It’s funny how the step that I took to leave me to focus on my studying diminished my confidence to actually perform on the test. Go figure.

I’d love to fill you in on everything, but there is too much to tackle as to what has happened over the last few months so I’ll hit the highlights and then try and narrow in on the last two days.

I’ve taken a break from dating. There are a lot of reasons for this break.
I have a severe commitment-phobia.
If I am seeing someone who is generally interested, I bolt. If I am seeing someone who doesn’t give a fuck, I linger. This is crazy-behavior.

I’m happier single.
I am.

I am not really friends with any of my exes.
Because before we started dating we weren’t really friends either.

I have found all parts of sex pretty disappointi…