Never forget you have excellent pussy

Recapping on my last recap. 

I met a man. He's nice but I sensed an under current of fuck boy, which is fine but be direct. Good dick but very vanilla. Zero kink. Not even a lil biting. Light choking. Nothing.

When we began talking I was very clear on what I was looking for. Non-monogamy. Something long term that fits into my current situation. My current situation being that I still live in the same house as my ex. I don't hate him. I just don’t want to be his wife anymore. We have separate rooms but we like being around each other. Just not being married to one another.

I liked the current set up with the new guy. We’d hang. Watch movies. Laugh. Fuck. All good shit But in clearly outlining that I am looking for a longer term setup, I've been putting in effort. Making time. Checking in. All that fuck shit right? Trying to make sure that his needs are met since I am trying to incorporate him into something less than traditional.

We finally got into the details of our situation and he says he sees me as temporary. Cool but not what I'm looking for. He wants kids with someone who doesn't already have kids.

Couple of things about that: 

        

        1. I would rather gnaw off my own hand than carry another child at my age. I'm 41. The youngest just         stopped shitting his pants. I will not start over. I’m trying to travel, not be tied to another infant. 

        2. This nigga is 43 and while advanced maternal age is an issue, so is advanced paternal age. Them             swimmers may still be swimming but they are statistically more prone to defects than if he had                     started earlier.

So I ask if he has frozen his sperm. No. I explain that advanced paternal age presents its own issues. He said if I send him some articles, he’ll read them. I don't have a dick and this sounds like a him problem so I would hope he'd look it up himself but whatever. I tell him that I’ll gladly give him an egg for a surrogate but would never want to be pregnant again.

        

        Him: So you’d just hand the baby over. 

         Me: Naw. I ain't gonna fuckin be there. That’s between you and the surrogate. I don’t know that                 baby. We strangers, deadass. Whatcha gonna name it? 

        Him: I dunno. 

        Me: Well fuck it, I’ll name it. 

        Him: I thought you weren’t gonna be involved. 

        Me: I don’t want to be but you’re eventually gonna want child support so eh. You have no idea how             much kids cost.

I let him know that he should probably focus on finding a partner to impregnate rather than spending time with me. Clocks ticking motherfucker.

Bless his heart tho. He was like maybe if we met in our 20s. No. What I realized is, no. I wouldn’t have dated him in his 20s or 30s. And if I wasn’t established now, I wouldn’t date him either. All my NEEDS are taking care of. All that Maslow Hierarchy shit has been handled so now I get to self-actualize. I own my house and my car. I have an excellent job. I don’t need to build with someone (nor do I particularly want to). I’m past that and he is still in it.

Is it fair to live a very full and comfortable life with a person on the peripheral not enjoying all the things that I enjoy? Who is still working to get where I am? Probably not fair but that’s what our reality would look like. Because while I can make time and space for him, I won’t fully incorporate him into my life. That was never even a thought for me.

What I did realize through all of this is that what he wants is the girlfriend experience. The communication, quality time, dates, sex and down time that go with a girlfriend but not a girlfriend. Now, I don’t want monogamy but if I’m a placeholder, I’m not going to bother putting in long term effort for a temporary scenario. You want Girlfriend level amenities but you’ve only subscribed to the Pay as You Go Fuck Buddy plan.

That’s a hard no for me. I’ll invest time to build my little ideal polycule or whatever but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna block off free time to watch movies and shit. I get that he has actual quality time needs that have to be met but he should find someone else to do that with. I’ll be stopping by for midday dick and going on my way. I swear I really was trying to not be a fuck girl this time around but fuck I look like chillin w temp dick that I’m fuckin on some clown shit. We are not friends. We fuck. Point blank period.

So as I left his place, I was thinking about someone I used to see. Guy lived in Brooklyn. Amazing sex. The kind that makes you make poor choices in bathrooms. Anyway. I open up Instagram and drop him a line. Where you at?

Turns out Brooklyn boy moved to LA. Sadness. But apparently he’d been thinking about me too all these years. Felt like I was the one that got away. We were young (him slightly younger than me) and both quite drunk when we were together before. Pride and ego kept us from actually having real convos about how we felt about each other and so we just didn’t work. Heres’ to hoping age and wisdom have made us more compatible now.

He is still younger. No kids. And seeing as I would rather disfigure myself than provide more kids, I felt the need to tackle this shit now.

So I ask: Do you want kids. 

Brooklyn: Yeah 

Me: I already have two kids and I’m oldish. 

Him: They’ll be my kids too then. Done.

Flutters. Straight fuckin butterflies. This man had me open back in the day. Just full on into him. So a rendezvous is planned.

Let's circle back to the good pussy in the title real quick.

I always have and always will do exit polls and its wonderful to know that my skills are still there. I feel like with all the shit that was going on recently, I forgot who I was for a second. 

I’m smart, pretty, funny, flexible as fuck and I have excellent pussy. Pussy good enough to take a flight for. My situation isn’t for everyone but I’m no ones fuckin placeholder. I’m the bitch you fumble and then regret for a lifetime. And while that new guy may have no kinks and be vanilla as fuck, my kink is karma so I’m gonna take what I need from him, downgrade the non-sex services he’s been receiving and let this shit play out. Everyone’s replaceable but excellent pussy is unforgettable.