Posts

Showing posts from May, 2008

Fuck IKEA

I’ve been a little busy lately. First off, I only slept in my bed 1 night this week and have been a crazy eyed nomad mostly….

Let me just say this. When common interest meets incredible sex, the result is….. Relationship. So I write less. I told yall that if I get some on the regular, writing would become less frequent. I didn’t lie, did I?

But I got fan mail (if you can call it that). I got a facebook message that read as follows: Hey wassup,
How are you? How was your holiday? It's been a minute since you posted a blog. I'm over here fiendin' like shit. lol Your blogs are like crack. Until you wrote them, I could have gave a fuck about a blog. I know got something to tell with the holiday just passing. I know you got a story about how you was in the strip club and 2 dirty strippers were about to stab each other then you almost participated in a orgy then you saw 2 crackheads battling on a cardboad box like they was straight out of the movie breakin'. hit me back

So, th…

Strippers, Cryin Bitches and the return of the Zen Buddha Master.

Image
Strippers, Cryin Bitches and the return of the Zen Buddha Master.

Shit that was said and heard
I didn't know they made thongs that small. You learn something new every day.

Looking at her makes me want to go to the gym, like right now.

I'd fuck the chick with the one star earring. That shit reminds me of my old Jem doll. Cept my Jem doll looked like a transvestite.

He wants to get you drunk but he doesn't want to take advantage of you.
What's that song, that E-40 song? Give me head hoe?

Her hair makes her look like a horse. I mean it's hot tho.
Extra bonus points to whomever can figure out what strip club I was in…

If I was a dictator, trust and believe motherfuckers would get murdered on the reg. You have any idea how hard it is to run a country? Seriously? And now I gotta deal with fringe groups protesting bout random shit? Oh hell no. Dead. I don't got time to deal with all that ole bullshit. But I'd be extra laissez faire bout shit like gay marriage and abortion…

MC Fuck You (Whack rhymes for that ass)

(Think Eazy E as you read this, cuz that's what I was thinkin when I wrote it. Like Eazy E and Slick Rick…. But extra Whack.)

I was tired as hell at work today.,
Realized I had somethin to say

Broke out tha blackberry to type it all down
Hope yall motherfuckers like the sound

I got that wet-wet so they call me Aquafina.
The Illest MC, you ain’t met no one meaner.

I work up in a job that's confidential,
To comprehend what I do would challenge your mental.

I like CSI cuz I fucks with Horatio,
I take a cue from Lil Kim and give that bomb ass fellatio.

I don't get laid which is why I rhyming,
If you reading this aloud don't fuck up the timing.

Riding on the motherfuckin 80 bus,
Saw a dude from 06 who wanted to fuck.

Carried him then and I'll carry him now,
Just got off work, don’t wanna talk no how.

Sick of DC cuz I see the same hoe,
At every motherfucking club that I go.

Stayin at home from here on out,
Keeping outta trouble without a doubt.

Imma need more dudes to give the l…

Yo Sexy Jesus could get it.

Image
Weekend Randoms

Shit that was said and heard
In Yo Face- (best response to “In yo face”- Skeet, skeet, skeet!)

I need people to stop offerin me coke

Lil Wayne looks like he is trying to maneuver around his giant dick

You can’t bleed love cuz you’re not love.

I didn't know black people could peel.

I love you to death but she can't use my bathroom tho. Better piss in this bucket wit that flashlight.

Why does Ray have porno on his phone?

She don't suck dick? Oh hell no! She got to go.

Me: Imma go pee.
Ray: Go for me, too.

They musta hid some hypnosisis up in that Lollipop song.

Senor Cuervo is the Hombre.

She looked like a Small cute Crip

We all get shot, everywhere.

Yo Jesus is sexy. Yo sexy Rastafarian Jesus could get it.


“My rent is really cheap”- After a crack whore was trying to look into the tinted windows like we were her dealer and then scurried off when he pulled up.

We all choose to do as we please in this world and my life is now about reducing the collateral damage…

The Bubble theory (aka. Who doesn't love fucking Kappas?)

Image
Preface: Recent events have reminded me of what is important and what is not. I have recently been dubbed the “Party Girl”. This is not the life I want to live or the legacy I want to leave. Yet if I am out constantly, this is exactly what I am doing. Rather than surrounding myself with people who genuinely love and care for me, I have gotten sucked into this world of sycophancy. I grow weary of this scene and the falseness that intrinsically comes with it. My writing has taken a hit because my brain is so fucking addled with tequila, lack of sleep and bullshit he said, she said drama that all I can do is write “Randoms”.

I was at “The Park” the other day and someone was asking me about my cross. I explained that my Aunt Mabel got me this cross a very long time ago and that I wear it because it reminds me of the people in my life who wanted better for me and that I should want better for myself as well. So, for those of you who know me and know what has been happening lately with my f…

Tequila, Gunshots, Preemptive Confession and the Re-fuck

There was a shooting outside my spot last nite. First, they let off 8 shots and then 2 shots. Someone got killed right before we moved in. Hype and I figured that would give us down time. Like a murder grace period. But apparently that is not the case. My neighbor let me know that the left side of the street has been warring with the right side of the street. That person that was killed before we moved in, apparently that person was the wrong person and now everyone’s pissed. Next time Imma need them to kill the right person. That way we can all save time and not be bothered with shootin at people at 10 pm. Right after the shooting, I went and locked the door. Now, in retrospect, this was a pointless endeavor…. Door locks do not stop bullets. Anyway….

We all know that I don't believe in confession..... cuz it’s like snitchin on yourself. But there is one circumstance in which I wholeheartedly believe tellin on yourself. The Preemptive Confession. When you know someone is about to…

Landmines, Embryos, Roll Over Cuss Outs and The Official Record of things….

Landmines, Embryos, Roll Over Cuss Outs and The Official Record of things….

Tired as hell…. Randoms

Sometimes you have situations that are inevitably going to blow up in your face. Like sleeping with one girl secretly and simultaneously hollarin at her cousin. Situations like that, I call them landmines. You know its gonna explode. Its just a matter of when...... So you might as well enjoy it while you can.

True story: When I was 16 I decided to stay out all night. Pager straight blowin up. By the time 11 pm came, that shit was a wrap. My ass was in deep shit. So I decided to have as much fun as possible. I got grounded for a month. But I accomplished a goal. And it was worth it.

Fine dudes should not be allowed 2 know each other. It presents me with a conflict of interests. Cuz I wanna holla at both of your fine asses. What ever happened to old school ass hatin type dudes? Where the fine dude hangs wit ugly dudes to make himself look that much finer.

Shit that was said and heard.
Every fu…

Famou$ grew on me

Never thought I'd say this but..... Jon Famou$ grew on me..... Check it.

"Fresh as a lemonade, cooler than an Altoid"
yeah. thats hot.....

Don’t stalk Roomie. It makes you look crazy

Image
Don’t stalk Roomie. It makes you look crazy

If you are looking for the Jon Famous, Tijuana stripper blog, just click this link. If you are stalkin Roomie, like a crackhead stalks a hit, read on……

I’d mentioned this previously cuz I am a huge fan of full disclosure, but I feel the need to mention it again since someone apparently feels the need to stalk Roomie via my blog……..

I liked it when stalking was old school. All old fashioned and shit, tapping motherfuckers phones, following them places and sittin outside they house in the morning.

Internet stalking is soooooo juvenile. I can’t say I don’t ever do it. Shit, I just internet stalked someone yesterday and matter of fact, internet stalking boosts your internet search skills and that shit is a viable asset in the work force.

I think I actually got a job by saying “If it’s on the internet, I will find it.” But you should be aware of the site that you’re on.

I blatantly let everyone know that I have a hitcounter. It helps me do pseudo ma…

Senor Famous’s Music Video and the Tijuana Hooker Stripper Rejects

Image
Senor Famous’s Music Video and the Tijuana Hooker Stripper Rejects

On Sunday, I allowed myself to be convinced that I should show up at this shoot for the Jon Famous Fly music video. I'd previously mentioned the skills of Jon Famous and my lack of appreciation for them but I figured why the fuck not.


I deeply suspect that all of the video "Models" were strippers, and that they all shopped at "Cheap Strippers who might have sex with you for a few extra dollars R-Us". Imagine tryouts at the strip club. But not a shitty hole in the wall like this spot pictured below from Philly.



An upscale strip clup.... Imagine the rejects.... Yeah. Those were the Chicks at this shoot. Or better yet, the strippers at Pleasers in SW ATL..... Minus the bullet holes and cigarette burns. But not minus the stretch marks. Plenty of stretch marks.

At least the bitches at Pleasers had the sense to get HIGH as shit before doing ignant ass pole tricks and shit. I just hope them hoes got paid…

Patron made me sleep in my bathroom....

Image
Honestly my job has been sendin me on quite a few of them fuckin unicorn meat adventures. Seriously. They just had me lookin forsome shit that didn't exist for 4 fuckin hours. So now Imma bitch about my job for a lil bit. (Cuz Megan says I write about sex too much.)

Ummm, my hours are insane. Yesterday I worked from 8:30 til 10 pm. I work next to Heidi. Heidi is new and still within her 3 month probationary period. 90 percent of the shit that comes out of Heidi’s mouth is shit that I would not say if I was still on my probationary period.

For example, while on your probationary period it is best to avoid the following topics:
Discussions of your marital troubles

Discussions about your "food issues".
Yesterday after briefly discussing her desire to lose about 200 lbs, we end up discussing how many calories and fat grams are in her Cobb chicken salad, wit tha fried chicken, ranch dressing, bacon and avocado.

How you hate your commute and would rather be home.

How you are really…