Landmines, Embryos, Roll Over Cuss Outs and The Official Record of things….

Landmines, Embryos, Roll Over Cuss Outs and The Official Record of things….

Tired as hell…. Randoms

• Sometimes you have situations that are inevitably going to blow up in your face. Like sleeping with one girl secretly and simultaneously hollarin at her cousin. Situations like that, I call them landmines. You know its gonna explode. Its just a matter of when...... So you might as well enjoy it while you can.
  
  True story: When I was 16 I decided to stay out all night. Pager straight blowin up. By the time 11 pm came, that shit was a wrap. My ass was in deep shit. So I decided to have as much fun as possible. I got grounded for a month. But I accomplished a goal. And it was worth it.
  
  
• Fine dudes should not be allowed 2 know each other. It presents me with a conflict of interests. Cuz I wanna holla at both of your fine asses. What ever happened to old school ass hatin type dudes? Where the fine dude hangs wit ugly dudes to make himself look that much finer.
  
  
• Shit that was said and heard.
  
  
  1. Every fucking club I go, I see the same hoes........
     
  2. Did he really just offer us his open can of coke?
     
  3. Next time we are stayin at The Park
     
  4. Fuck him.
     
  5. Imma need you to stop bringin yo mama everywhere. Yo mama is not an accessory.
     
  6. "I can't even talk to him, girl. I'm not fluent in bitch ass nigga."
     
  7. You are EXTRA SEXY.
     
  8. That had me feelin some kinda way....
     
  9. The color purple turns me on.
     
  10. I just made RaRa speechless. Do I get a prize?
      
  11. That’s small, but it aint…. But it’s small.
      
  12. Don’t come near me. Ill fuck your life up.
      
  13. If the Dc entertainment and promotions community is a family, that shit is mad incestuous and inbreed…..
      
  14. What do you do? I do me….
      
  15. When it rains dick, it pours dick..... There is a dick surplus right now.
      
  16. Damn embryos…
      
  17. You can put a dog in a tutu and some ballet shoes but that motherfucker still aint gonna do a pirouette….
  
  
  
• I am not the nicest person. Seriously. But that's okay. I'm willing to admit that shit. So, though I may not be nice..... At least I'm honest about it.
  
  
• At this point, ain’t shit new to me no more. All these scenarios; love, hate, heartache, betrayal; all this shit I done been thru before. It don't even sting no more. Like gettin kicked in the ass. At this point it don't even hurt no more, it just serves as a reminder that I still have an ass there to get kicked.
  
  
• I'm glad for the ability to block calls and texts from people who aren't in my phonebook.
  
  
• Whenever I'm in a relationship, and that shit ends, there is the "Truth" of what happened and then the "Official record of things". I dated Tyrone when I was about 20. Tyrone lived in Cleveland. Late one nite, Tyrone decided to confess that he’d been cheating on me. He apologized, but I needed allocution. So I made him say "I'm a cheating whore." This wasn't very nice, but I wasn't very nice at 20. This was especially not very nice because I'd been seeing nick for over a month at that point and while this whole conversation was going on, Nick was sitting on my bed. Shit. Tyrone lived in Cleveland, and I was in Atlanta. So the "truth" is that I was a cheater....
  
  But the "Official Record" of the relationship states that he was the cheater. Cuz he confessed..... And the "record" deals only with known shit, not unknown shit.... And especially not unknown unknowns (shit Tyrone didn't even know that he didn't know.)
  
  
  
  Thanks Boondocks!
  
  I got mine tho cuz karma really is a bitch and nick never really trusted me, cuz when we met, I cheated on someone with him. Yeah. Karmas a bitch.
  
  
• I’m workin on this concept of Roll Over Cuss Outs. Like Cingular roll over minutes. For example: I wanted to cuss someone out on Friday but Megan took my phone. Then I decided on Saturday that I was being hasty and that cussing that bitch ass dude tha fuck out was unnecessary. Lo and behold, Sunday rolls around and circumstances arise that make me wish I'd cussed that motherfucker out Friday and Sunday. Now had I cussed him out on Friday and I was in the wrong, in lieu of apologizing, I could have given him the option to roll over that cuss out. So by Sunday, rather than doing a full cuss out, I roll over the first cuss out and make up the difference with any additional cussing out that might need to occur. Roll over cuss outs.
  
  
• Why motherfuckers stay on their cell phones on the bus. Like motherfucker, are you that serious? You like Bill Gates? Oh really? Fuck you on the bus for if you so fuckin important?
  
  
• I think every family has its own lexicon. Like an internal bunch of words and phrases that coalesces you as a group and help strengthen you as a unit.
  
  My family had the following:
  
  Shitty track record : Used to describe the reasoning behind the fact that my parents always assumed that my brother was lying. If our home could represent society at large, my brother would be the paroled felon of our mini family society.
  
  How does it feel to want?: This was my parent’s reaction to whenever anyone said "I want......" This was my first lesson in "you don't always get what you want".
  
  
  
• Yummy (so fine that "Yummy" is the only thing I can call his fine ass) is so yummy that next time I see him, Imma be like '"you fine as shit". And he's gonna be like "whatever" and imma be like "Naw, you know you sexy and I just wanted to let you know that I know that you know that you sexy and that I had noticed that you sexy well....." Hopefully somewhere in there I will be able to convey my desire to lick his bicep. I think its really gonna come down to the body language, my ability to have sex with gaze and strategic lip moisturization........
  (Mission accomplished)
  
  
• When we were in Atlanta, we rarely went to bars. Instead we frequented strip clubs. Its like a bar but better, cuz there's breasts. And breasts make everything better.
  
  
• If you’re having sex with a female and she tells you "It’s yours", it really isn't. Because if it was, that shit would go without saying. The fact that it needs to be said just reinforces the falseness of the situation. I have given up on saying dumb ass shit like "It's yours" as I have realized that it just causes problems when it is no longer being given to them. Like they just got disenfranchised of some shit that was rightfully their property. So, no. It's not yours. It's mine. Deal with it.
  
  
• I have no savings account and absolutely no ties. If someone hit me up tomorrow and was like "Ayo. Shit just got hectic and its time to roll out. We gotta book to Nicaragua....." I'd be out this bitch in a second....
  
  
• Woke up so tired the other day that I contemplated suicide. Then I kept threatening to disembowel myself at work, hopin they'd put me on one of them 24 hour psych holds..... That shit seems like a good way to get a break and fuck it, I can live without shoelaces for a lil bit....
  
  
• Best shit I heard this weekend "Quit bringin ugly women in the house....."
  
  
• This chick last night was up in the club dancin like Beyonce's understudy to "Upgrade". Like they were like “Beyonce’s dead” and she was like “Don’t worry. I got this shit.”
  
  She busted out the shoulder move, a shimmy and a shuffle..... What tha fuck? Shit. My
  default in scenarios like that is tequila. Un mas tequila!
  
  
• Skinny almost cost me my immune system, my kidney’s and my sanity.
  
  This weekend is bound to involve lots of tequila and cussing. Ill keep you posted.