Tequila, Gunshots, Preemptive Confession and the Re-fuck

• There was a shooting outside my spot last nite. First, they let off 8 shots and then 2 shots. Someone got killed right before we moved in. Hype and I figured that would give us down time. Like a murder grace period. But apparently that is not the case. My neighbor let me know that the left side of the street has been warring with the right side of the street. That person that was killed before we moved in, apparently that person was the wrong person and now everyone’s pissed. Next time Imma need them to kill the right person. That way we can all save time and not be bothered with shootin at people at 10 pm. Right after the shooting, I went and locked the door. Now, in retrospect, this was a pointless endeavor…. Door locks do not stop bullets. Anyway….
  
  
• We all know that I don't believe in confession..... cuz it’s like snitchin on yourself. But there is one circumstance in which I wholeheartedly believe tellin on yourself. The Preemptive Confession. When you know someone is about to hate on you, cock/twatblock or snitch, cut em off at the pass. That way you get to control the delivery method of information and can better manage the reprecussions of the blow up from the landmines.... That shit is most definitely off some haterblocker type shit. You do what you gotta do to preserve what you love, right?
  
  Oh yeah. To the hater, aka & aka That Bitch Ass Nigga that tried to throw salt in my game.....
  
  1. I'm good at what I do. You know this, which is why you try and hate. Refrain in the future.... I stay comin out on top.
     
  2. Cockblock hating is a sin... It falls between envy and lust. You wrong for even trying that shit.
     
  3. Who told you that you were smart?
     
  4. Hate can go both ways. I guess your vagina is just bigger than mine, cuz i don't roll like that.
     
  5. I don't speak Punk Bitch or Bitch Ass Nigga, so unless you can get your homeboy to translate... YAY TRICK YAY!
     
  6. My dad told me to tell you that you're a Cockblocker. (My father is wise.)
  
  
  
• I OD'd on technology the other day. Cell phone (talking), Blackberry (web surfing), TV (watching "16 blocks") while driving........
  
  
• Sick of yall motherfuckers puttin so many apps on Facebook that my computer damn near shuts down when i go to peep your shit. That's extra lame. Save all that bullshit for Myspace.
  
  
• I do not care what you think of me because, to me, you do not exist.
  
  
• Before I was a skinny bitch, I had a clear idea of who my friends were and who wasn’t my friend. Now that I am a skinny bitch, it’s not so clear. People have agendas that I don’t appreciate. Hence the bitch part. It weeds out those who are around for bullshit ass reasons. Plus I wear bitchiness quite well.
  
  
• I dissociate really fast. Nothing personal. I was raped when I was 16, and I guess I developed this as a coping mechanism, or possibly before that. If I become overwhelmed or agitated with a situation, I immediately check out. I could be starin directly at you.... but my mind is a million miles away. One second I'm here, the other I'm not. I have a low tolerance for all that ole extra shit so my defaults are: Dissociate, Cuss out or Tequila, which could easily lead into one of the other 2 defaults.
  
  
• I almost cussed out the drive thru attendant at Wendy's the other day. I ordered a large Hi-C fruit punch. I coulda sworn that bitch said “That’s not good for you." I was like "What?" and I swear I heard her say "That's not good for you." So I was like "Huh?" And then she was like "Will that be all for you?" And I was like Oh!!!!! Yeah. I’m good.
  
  
• When it rains dick, it pours and right now it’s “Monsoon Season”. I don’t know if its cuz it’s hot or what but these dudes is out in full effect. Like, there's so much dick out there that I'm not even entertaining the thought of anyone who isn't in my top 3 to do list, so unless your willing to jock for position in my top 3 and work hard for your spot, don’t even bother askin for my number.
  
  
• I think that buss it baby I'd by far the foulest shit that I have recently heard.
  
  According to Urbandictionary.com, a Buss it Baby is:
  

  A female who ejaculates and produces a lot of fluid secreted by the female homologue, commonly mistaken for urine, it has been found out that it is actually closely related to a males pre cum. it is usually done by reaching the "G-spot" and it rushes out and is sticky.

  
  
  
• To answer a few of the questions that were posed Saturday...
  
  Yes I am trouble, but fun trouble.... Trust that it’s worth it.
  
  Yes I am crazy, but not extra crazy. I won't burn your shit up, shank you or sit out front of your house all night. I'm just normal-crazy. It’s more funny crazy than anything.
  
  Yes, it is fantastic. Which is why I'm trouble and quite possibly a direct product of the fact that I am crazy.
  
  
• You can tell that I am not enjoying myself when I am walkin round yellin out Tequila!!!!
  
  As in: “I need tequila!”, “Un mas tequila” or as I was heard to say Saturday night “Please make me the strongest Tequila Sunrise humanly possible”.
  
  Here are some circumstances that have been known to cause me to drink Tequila as of late:
  
  1. Gucci Man's Freaky girl comes on in the club.
     
  2. Anyone under the age of 25 hits on me and says “Don’t let the age fool you.”
     
  3. I ask someone what they do and they reply with “I do me.”
     
  4. A 20 year old in stunner shades ends up doing one of those dumb ass dances to one of the following....
     
     • Lil Jon - Snap yo fingers
       
     • Dem Franchize Boyz - Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It
       
     • Young Dro -Shoulder Lean
       
     • Souljah Boy – Superman that hoe
     
     
  5. Anytime I end up outside of a party for about 2 hours smoking cuz I'm dodgin about 6 dudes who are inside lookin for me. (Which was WAY better than my initial plan of hiding behind that tall guy, who i consequently gave my number as well, making him number 7....)
     
  6. The 4th time I hear “Lollipop” while in the club.
  
  
  
• I took an HR class in college and my teacher imparted upon us some true wisdom. As a policy, most HR departments will not comment on your past work performance if a new potential employer calls them. They will confirm dates and salaries but that’s about it, to avoid any possible slander lawsuits. There is a loophole to this. The new potential employer will sometimes ask “Would you rehire?” and the old employer can say yes or no without fear of recrimination. I use this with just about everything.
  
  Would I reeat that sandwich?… Would I refuck that guy? Would I rewatch that movie? This is my way of describing if shit was good or not. It goes both ways. Sometimes i wish i could uneat some food, or Unwatch a movie and I have most definitely been known to say that I wish I could unfuck some people...
  
  
• There is very little incentive to give head to men. It’s a shitty payoff. Cuz if you do it well, then they're close and then you get shorted on the sex end. I just might start boycotting head, out right….. Next thing you know they're saying "That was just Round 1. We gonna go again in 20 mins.” In 20 minutes, yo bitch ass is asleep and I'm deleting you from my phonebook.
  
  
• I notice that since I started writing this blog and I am incredibly candid about random thoughts involving sex, I have become more conservative in real life. Conversations about sex make me blush when in public and around mixed company. I have to clear up this common misconception that people seem to have….
  
  I RARELY GET TO HAVE ACTUAL REAL SEX. If I am lucky, I get laid MAX 3 times a month. Why? Because I'm a loser and a big dork. But that’s beside the point. Just cuz I write about sex doesn’t mean I have it all the time, and writing about sex on here is what keeps me from blurting out completely inappropriate shit in random social situations that are not conducive to the free exchange of thoughts and ideas.
  
  
• I’m making some changes. I have to go have a difficult “Make Amends” type conversation. I am not a fan of these type conversations. But being a grown ass woman, I need to do what I need to do, at the risk of losing what I want. I can admit when I am wrong. I am about to make some changes and shit. Some people will get cut off. It be like that sometimes…