The Good, the Bad & the Semi-Literate

I am aware that I've been hiding lately. Its been a necessary seclusion. I have a handful of things that I've needed to sort out for the past few weeks. While driving to NJ, August 23rd, I realized a few things. I was brainstorming ideas for a guest spot on another blog. The topic is "Memories" and I don't remember anything positive. While thinking about my past relationships, it dawned on me: I have commitment issues. It was one of those DUH moments. Apparently everyone already knew this, cept for me. I've never given 100 percent. Honestly, I've never emotionally or mentally committed to anyone. When I thought of commitment in the past, it was always a matter of fidelity in a sexual sense, not really wholly committing myself to a person with all of my tidbits (like my sex tidbits and my emotion tidbits and my spiritual type tidbits). It was a shitty driving revelation. When I got to NJ, I quit. Seriously, I did. I secretly quit smoking. Didn't tell an...

I know, I know, I know. It's been a minute. Let me try and run it back proper so you know what's been going on. I've been overwhelmed lately and left to stew in my own thoughts, so now I'm on the bus writing this while woman next to me keeps talking and I am trying to sufficiently ignore her while absentmindedly trying to figure out if she is talk to me, to herself or into one of them fuckin bluetoothes. Whatever. Let me run it back to last Saturday. I get a text asking me if I can write for an online social networking site. Ok, whatevs. I'm honestly starting to hit my limit on these dudes talking bout they own they own business and point me to a social networking URL wit a fucked up GUI . Real talk: User generated content in an online community with ad revenue as your main profit stream is on my last nerve. It's been done before. You're 10 years late and a shitty imitation at best. Meet an unmet need. Be original. Fuck!!! After assessing their needs and exp...

My exes are like herpes..... No, they don't have herpes. And no, I don't have herpes... But they are like herpes. Just because you haven't seen it in a while, doesn't mean that it's gone. Them motherfuckers are merely lying dormant and they will pop up again. Outbreak style! I have a handful of guidelines to assist me in keepin it short/ sweet and not crazy: The 3 month rule. I am thoroughly about a 3 month Probationary period for all incoming dicks, though it has been brought to my attention that perhaps the 3 month timeframe is discriminatory against men. Maybe 3 months isn’t long enough for them to figure out how they feel about a situation, which would explain my high recidivism rate. Personally, I think the 3 month rule is great. It essentially says, "We have fun for 3 months, but at the end of that 3rd month, we are either going somewhere or we aren’t. If we are going somewhere, then that is great. If not it’s time to shit or get off the pot and I got to ...

And it happened again… My sex drive died. Perhaps its because I’m dealing with too many different things but at this point… I am tired and want no parts of man parts. I want to nap. And drink tequila. And loiter the best I can. The BK saga continues. I broke things off (I guess) on Saturday… Which lead him to contract me aloooot on Sunday. He conveniently ignores shit that he doesn’t want to hear. Things like, “I can’t and won’t put up with this situation anymore….” or “I’m really mad at you.” Apparently he doesn’t engage in things like that. It’s oddly comforting and also bewildering… He’ll be like “Yeah, I saw your message but I really didn’t read it. I just called you instead….” What the fuck? At this point, I’m tired of trying or caring or something. Im just tired. We talked for a long time last night about random shit, but 3 weeks of neglect made me feel a disconnect, like the bond that was forming has been severely damaged. Its like not watering a plant for 3 weeks and the poppi...

So, I've offically given up. After having numerous convos about what he wants and what I want, last night we talked about what he wants vs what I want yet again (I hate the gay talking about the "feelings"), I have realized that what he wants and what I want ain't the same shit. He isn't where he nor I thought he was, which don't work for me, tho he pretty much wants things to continue like they were... Naw. I'm good. I'd rather not go down this road again. I need a t-shirt that says "Same shit, Different Dick." Cuz it is alway the same bullshit... Just with a different face and accent. It's funny how these motherfuckers dissappear and then reappear. Let me regale you with the tale of Big Dick Greg. He literally is labeled Big Dick Greg in my phone... Cuz that's all he's bringin to the table. Big Dick, a blunt and a bottle of E & J. (Come to think of it, he sounds like somebody's dream man.... Iffin you want his myspace, e...

PLEASE NOTE Imma go private. If you want to continue to be able to read this, you need to email me so that I can add you to the invite list. This was possibly the longest, most sleep deprived weekend ever. Ever. So, I head out to do my normal Friday gig. Standing at the front of the club, I take money. It is my job to take a cover charge from you. Normally this cover is roughly $10. I have never seen people so pissed about having to hand over $10. These people will later be seen in the club, waving around a bottle and singing the chorus to "Ballin!" as loud as possible. Boooooo. I get home at 4 am from the club. 4 Fucking am. This is post "Tequila debacle" from Thursday. I was so very tired, it was ridiculous. I lay down and the next thing I know, its 7:30. Saturday Up I get and I trudge off to my hair appointment where I get fresh to death. Then I head to the mall for some kicks and lotion. Get my eyebrows done. Head back to Silver Spring and check in wit cuzzo. T...

I'd written a drunken 2am blog but I pulled it down because it lacked cohesion. Parts of it are in this blog but I couldn't just leave it as it was. Nothing good came out of the last 24 hours. First off, Me and Lent are straight beefin. Straight Beef. Within the last 24 hrs, I broke all of my Lent donts. For Lent I gave up: Cigarettes Hard Liquor and Most Men. Yesterday actually started off all wrong. It was all misty out in the morning and I had to run around town and pick up shit for work. So I go and do all this random ass shit and lo and behold, I end up with another sore throat. I have been fighting off the same cold for the past two weeks. My job is extra stressful and stress kills. Also, I have the worlds shittiest immune system due to the following factors: I dont take vitamins. I never get enough sleep. Rarely am I properly attired for the weather. The culminating factor in all of this is the fact that I developed an eating disorder right after college. It was a...

Weird sex requests I actually got into a conversation about this the other day and thought it might make a good blog. I've personally received requests for all of the shit that is listed below and all of it was weird to me... Might not be weird to you but shit... I'm sexually conservative. If you recognize yourself... Don't get mad at me. You know what you did, you know what you requested, and you knew damn well when you opened your freak mouth that I had a blog. Be thankful I ain't hyperlink your Facebook accounts to this shit. Weird When you ask me for a hand job... You are way more qualified to jerk your own dick than I am. Aren't there better things that we can do with our time? When you asked if you could lick my ass. You can do it but no kisses for you... No. When you ask if you can put your thumb in my ass... Why would you want to? Really. But if it makes you happy, I guess.. Anal... This isn't actually that weird. But I'm weird about anal. I only wan...

Ms. Skittle is on vacation in jersey this week. Laying around. Napping with the cat. Looking at houses and GRE words. Reading old ass L. J. Smith novels and thinking about the nature of relationships. Jskittle is ready to settle down. Nice house, Normal guy (not these hood rats, or club rats, or dudes with their heads in the streets). I said it before, I'll say it again: You have to know how to recognize the difference between a boy and a man. A man pays bills, takes care of home first, shows respect and understands the value of commitment. A boy runs up bills, comes home only to sleep and eat, talks out the side of his neck and is only seriously committed to his dick and his mama. I know what I want. I need someone who knows what they want too. I've lived. I've seen what I need to see. I did one of those "answer things about me" junts and Eve said that the song that most reminded her of me was "Area codes". Can't disagree with that. My ex in WV onc...

Times is tough. My new insurance is a bitch. A sorry, cheap ass bitch.... They didn't cover my meds last month and I wasn't sure that they would this month. To conserve dough, I decided to pill skip. I have been taking a pill roughly every other day instead of every day.... This is not so good. My doctor told me that if I forgot to take a pill one day, Id be fine. Apparently, its cool occasionally. But skipping the meds that regulate the happy in my brain every other day has had some not so good effects, mostly in a depressed like way. I finally got the pre-approval from the insurance company, which kindly let me know that they would need pre-approval again in three months time. Oxford... You are a company of assholes, with douchy ass policies. Medco.... Fuck you. No, really, fuck you. I still do not have a medical card (Ive been enrolled since January 1st), I went to an in-network doctor (and called to make sure I didn't need pre-approval or a referral). Oxford, you got a...

V-day OD 09 went pretty well. Valentines Day is officially the equivalent of Vegas.... What happens on Vday must stay on Vday.... I did have a handful of revelations..... Valentines day should perhaps be the Love equivalent of New Years Eve. Motherfuckers need to make Love Resolutions. I won a "My ex is worse than yours" contest. I decided to go on a diet the other day. I feel like losing 5 pounds. Cuz I can... Diet + Alcohol = Super drunk Super early.... Ps: Men are now referred to as Cows.... Penises: Milk... Yup I made some good choices this last year in relation to not dating outright assholes. Old lessons are always relevant to others: Never date a man who wishes he was elsewhere. It is a slow death standing next to someone who is pining for someone else. It will always keep you up at night, wondering when (not if, but when) he will leave.... Dr. Dre said it best: Thats your bitch? [on these nuts] Really I dont...[give a fuck] All I really know is your hoe wants to be w...

Posted this morning on Facebook: I overslept Today I overslept today. I was dreaming about sex and shoe shopping. It was much more fulfilling than waking up for work and thus I continued. I made it into the office and baby talk commenced. I think that talking about babies (my coworker just made one) can spread pregnancy like SARS. I am convinced that he is trying to get me pregnant by talking about those baby backpack things..... I shall avoid talking to him from here on out. Arrrggggh. Work. Posted this afternoon on Facebook: Lesbian sushi. (aka Id rather be napping) Id rather be napping. Im tired. I wish things were different and they aint. I need to get my zen on. Funny thing is, the minute i put down my skepticism, everything flip flopped and became fuckery. Soooooo back to the skepticism. Back to the books. Back to nappin and learnin and working and nappin some more. and an Lword marathon. Nothing turns a frown upside down as fast as lesbians. Nope. Lesbians and sushi. My fail-saf...

Sometimes shit don't work out. Things seem to be goin straight and then shit just goes off track. It be like that sometimes. Thus is the drama that is humanity. And after dating for about 10 years, I have some surefire things to take my mind off of my disappointments: Plan A The current Plan A is actually Plan A version 2. Version 1 (which my Hampton peeps can attest to) was "that nigga Kobe". Kobe lives in B-more and had it not been for rising gas prices, he might still be Plan A . Plan A actually arose out of a necessity for me to (as I call it) "Knock feelings out of my uterus". Blame this theory on freshman year late night philosophizing. So, feelings get lodged in your uterus, and you can’t move on until they get knocked out. Kobe has taken me through quite a bit of heartache and every time I left, I felt refreshed. That is now Plan A version 2.0's job. The funny thing about Plan A (as he recently reminded me) is that we had hiccups in the b...