Divorce and other things (aka men are still on that bullshit)

So.... I'm getting divorced.

Take a beat. Process it real quick. 


Takeaways are:

I'm fine. I'm happy. All is well.


But now I'm back to “dating” and I got on the apps pretty quickly. Needed to find out if the men were still out there doing men ass shit. 


They fuckin are. They are out there and horny as ever.


Strange Man: Hi. How are you?

Me: Well. How are you?

SM: Horny.


Well fuck.  Buy a girl a drink first. Really just no warm up or warning. Same bullshit, different day.






So as I go back into dating, I have to define what I am looking for and who I am. I’ve learned that while I don’t consider myself a sapiosexual, I need intelligence. I’m not interested in people who cannot banter. I don’t want to rely on one person to fill all my needs either.  That’s a lot to ask of one person and I like variety. I’m interested in seeking out pleasure and connections, wherever that should take me.


As some of you know, I moved to Maine. What Maine is low on is black people. And I’m not saying I am unwilling to explore white people but I do have a policy to actively avoid sleeping with people I find abhorrent. So basically John Mayer, Kanye, Elon Musk and Republicans. 


I think I'm going to have to expand my search parameters to Boston. Feel free to message me if you have someone (male/female or in-between) that you would like to endorse for the position of casual, low drama "friend". Open to all non-shitty, non-weirds.  Do you have an undateable fuck boi cousin? Ex? Old college friend? Are they in New England? Give them my number. Andrew Tate listeners not welcome.


Now don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to spin the block on some of my old favorites. The issue is that my old favorites all live in Maryland and one cannot catch a flight every time an urge presents itself. That would just be financially unwise. And so I go forth onto the apps.


Something I noticed is that most of the “app” men seem to be over 6 ft and looking for serious long term relationships. Sighhh the men are still lying. But whatever. I’m not available for long term relationships so ultimately their bullshit can be ignored. We can do their lil farcical waltz around their true intentions. I got time.


I really do need to hone my dating parameters. The men are annoying. The couples where the man makes 1st contact are annoying as well cuz I am still dealing with a man. Perhaps the problem is the men altogether. The men who seem to want to talk to me are late 20s/early 30s which wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card but I’m open to it.  


In the tradition of previous blog posts, I will continue to overshare. Why? Because someone needs to hear this shit and my family definitely doesn’t want to be privy to it so I tell you all.  You, dear readers, are my witnesses. 


Please allow me to  tell you about Mr. “Call me small”. Yes. You read that right. There is a guy who just wants me to berate him and tell him his dick is small. Few things there: 1. Haven’t seen it. Not even once. No clue if it’s big or small. 2. I typically hold back my bitchiness. The opportunity to embrace and unleash that on someone who wants it is intriguing. I got some pent up misandry in me that could use an outlet. 3. I spent most of my years attempting to make the men with smaller packages feel less self conscious about it. Yelling at someone about how their dick is disappointing is bound to be cathartic. 


I will tell you this about dating with the explicit intent to find someone not interested in a relationship. It definitely brings out the weirdos. But really aren’t we all a little weird when it comes down to it. 


A lot of things have changed. I don’t really drink anymore. Depression and anxiety are fully in check which is new for me and has really changed how I deal with other people and my own feelings. I mostly read and chill. Take care of my kids. 


But needs are needs. The need to connect with y’all and share all the things. The need to (excuse my vulgarity) fuck. The need to find my people in this world. So I’m back, at least for now. 


Comments

Anonymous said…
You are definitely back like you left something... I look forward to the journey...
31/5/24 9:52 AM
Kali said…
For "Mr. Call Me Smalls" make him pay. That's kink play... never do for free, even if you don't need it.
31/5/24 6:22 PM
Jess said…
Well... Here's to new journey.
3/6/24 11:44 AM
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