Showing posts from December, 2008


Where can I get me one of them Cambodian Babies I heard so much about?

I woke up this morning, completely devoid of a sex drive.... This shitty occurrence will result in the following:
Less sex for me.
Less interesting blogs for you.

While I was home, I sat and talked with my brother about all kinds of shit.

I came to the following conclusion: I think that it is not possible for me, at this phase in my life, to have a relationship. The mere thought of it gives me a panic attack, hence the lack of sleep last night resulting in eye crust to go along with my overwhelming sense of impending doom that seemed to coat the entire morning.

This is possibly why Plan A is always referred to as Plan A. He requires little to no energy, is easy to be around and talk to, plus bonus points for the fact that when it is all said and done ~ We part ways. Like "See ya when I see ya! Deuces" and that's that. And it's worked quite well for a minute so why fuck it up if it ain't broken.....

I'm edging on 26 and I don't feel 26. I feel just as dumb and …

Catholicism Cockblocked

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... When it rains dick, it pours. Motherfuckin monsoon season...

There are drought times and surplus times. Good dick, bad dick... Shit, I'm just glad to have options right about now. Yay holidays and Happy New Years to me...

Oh So Sexy is back... And Catholicism is cockblocking... I swear, after all that we've been through, I think God straight has it out for us.....

I text and ask: Are we still down for tonight?

I get this text back: Yes & No.... I'm catholic and I need to take communion before Xmas. I didn't go to Church on Sunday so I have to take it on Thur. I can't sin (sex)before taking it. I can come thru and chill or we can fool around but I can't have sex til after xmas. So I'm down for whatever whenever you get back. I can still come thru tonite if U want though.

I text back: So, no penetration.... Can you drink?

Reply: Yeah... It's just the major sins, like sex and murder.

I hit him back with: …

Dear Readers....

Go to sleep. Sweet Jesus. It's late.

Ps. Rum + Vodka = a headache and an argument with an off duty state trooper about the legality of him trying to give me a field sobriety test while off duty and intoxicated his damn self. If you are not in an official capacity, I am not going to play along...

Yes, I am squinting and No, Fuck you, I will not follow your finger, until you put on a uniform and badge and pull my ass over while I am actually driving (not before I leave the fucking party, dude). I am not Drunk, dammit but I have shitty hand/eye coordination and I can't past those tests sober. It ain't fair, I tell you.... It ain't fair...

B-day (Fuck the world)

This is where I'm at right now: Honestly, I'm mad. It is B-day. Not my motherfuckin birthday, no no no. It's biopsy day.

At this point, I'm mad. Boobs used to be fun. Now boobs are deadly. Like they killin motherfuckers.

Where I'm at right now, is that, I'm tired. I'm tired of boobs killin people, I'm tired of being sad, I'm real tired of motherfuckers who said they'd be there and then motherfuckin weren't....

But all in all, I'm pissed. And I'm off some fuck you shit. Like if it aint about my peoples gettin better or being okay..... Fuck you.

That's where tha fuck I'm at.
In the words of Fight Club (the movie, not the book).
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke....... I felt like destroying something beautiful.

I feel like setting the…

Diversifying My Dick Portfolio...

Today wasn’t quite horrible but it wasn’t good either….

So last night started off this snowball of aggravation.

Yesterday I wanted some. So I hit up "Plan A". He is my new (old) favorite and now has priority over all others. In cases of overbooking, even a last minute appointment from him will trump all previous engagements.

We are sleuthing out the possibility and logistics of fulfilling my one and only fantasy. It involves at least 3 people and careful placement of body parts, which is why it is so complicated. Essentially, either the 3rd person has to be a female or the 3rd person is a bisexual male which is a deal breaker for "Plan A". It's tricky, which is why I've never been able to get it done.

Back to the drawing board, I guess... anyway.

His schedule was tight and so was mine. I was supposed to be somewhere after work and it just didn't seem feasible. So I defaulted to "Plan B". Plan B was lookin flaky, taking too long to return texts, e…

I want to thrust my tongue deep inside and fuck you with my mouth....

Trust that these are randoms:
This landed in my inbox on Facebook yesterday from one of my oldest and most reliable booty calls:

I want to lay you back, watch you smile as my tongue first hits your calve, and watch that smile turn into moans as it inches up higher and higher...I want to grab you by the thighs and spread your legs my tongue can lick your pussy from the very bottom...all the way up and over your clit (throbbing and hard)...and pull away...I want to thrust my tongue deep inside and fuck you with my mouth...I want to squeeze your ass and pull you up off the bed to get a deeper lick...I want to watch your breast rise and fall with each heavy breath....I want to feel your nipples get hard between my fingertips...ready for my hot wet mouth to surround them...I want to make you cum.

So I decided to venture out into the world and visit with my old dear friends... well worth the trip.

Don't that shit read like a letter to Penthouse. He could most definitely be the next Z…

Brelon "the Man" Jones and Bald headed Marie....

I wanted to share with you the WORST BOOK I EVER READ.

It is called "Secrets Men Keep: What They Don't Tell" by Tiy-E
Umm it is bad, but the worst part of all is this section on light skinned privilege and dark skinned discrimination. Important subject matter but horribly handled through bullshit anecdotes.

Let me set you up here: (all sections Bolded and Italicized will be me summarizing. Everything in quotes and normal looking... Direct from the book.)
Brelon Jones plays some kinda sport professionally. He is dark skinned and apparently has issues. Marie is his very light skinned girlfriend. They are both shallow, stupid and hot tempered)

"Brelon loves you girl. You know that don’t you?"

"Of course, Brelon. I know that you love me and I love you too."

"What is it that you love about me Marie?"

"I love the fact that you are a real man, and not many men can state that claim."

"What do you mean ‘I am a real man’?"

"You’re …

That time I was on probation that time (aka the life and times of Fat Bear)

Fat Bear and I prepared to board the plane on Saturday and I realized that many of you may not know the who, what or why of Fat Bear.

Fat Bear @ the telly in NY

(This is actually like 3 stories, stick with me)

I bought Fat Bear some time before college, so when I went to college, along came this lil ass bear. So when I moved to GA, of course Fat Bear came with.

So I was headed back from Nicks Dorm @ G-state and I was on Marietta headed to Trinity Ave. to meet up with Maya who also transferred from Hampton to G-state. I took a right onto Peachtree St. by 5 points Marta station. Apparently, this is illegal.

I tried to explain to the cop - I'm not from here. I have MD plates and an MD license. He cared not, the wheels of varying streams of income thru bullshit bureaucracy kept turnin and I got a ticket.

Now, I would have paid the ticket. I tried to pay the ticket, but no where on the ticket did it tell me where 2 pay. So on I went to traffic court.

Umm, I guess I was guilty cuz they tri…

Anatomy of a Hustle (aka I slept all day)

So, I slept for about 14 hrs today. Seriously.

I got home last night and got a call from a guy who I am "not serious" with that went alil something like this:

"You won't believe what happened. See I paid my child support, but then they sent me a check calling it overage but now they are saying I owe it and there is a $500 dollar warrant out for my arrest but I put 3 on it and now all I need is this 200. So Imma be arrested if I don't get $300 dollars as soon as possible"

Don't be alarmed if there seemed to be a mathematical contradiction in that story. I didn't make a mistake. Those were his words, not mine.

Now, I just got paid today. So technically, I could give him this money. But I have a rule about bailing out men over 30 who habitually live beyond their means.

I don't. You got to read about the tragedy of EX 07.

Did you note that no where in that post did it mention that he owed me some ridiculous amount of money? That is because I already le…

Klonopin is both good and evil

It is good if you have anxiety. Really good.
So good infact that it is tempting all the time.
Work sux- Pop a Klonopin
Relationship is a blower- Pop a Klonopin
Cant quite seem to fall asleep- take one... no, no, no, why not take 2?

My best friend apparently took it for years. So totally agrees. And why bother and deal with some amount of stress or anxiety when you could just say fuckitall and bypass it. But bypassing it makes the dealing with everyday bullshit dreadful. Cuz you know you don't have to. I have to actively choose not to check out on a daily basis. Shit. Every day I have to choose to check in, when I know I'd much rather check out.

Funny thing is

Funny things is that when people come here from searching google; More often than not, it is because they were looking for the lyrics of "I wanna fuck you but if I fuck you, Can I fuck your friend?"

Apparently I am not the only one who loves this song.

The Eastern Star Adventure (and assorted Randoms)

The Eastern Star Adventure
Okay, 1st off I got lost. Real talk. But only a lil bit. So I get there and the first thing I notice is that I am the only "Person of Color" there. Cool. Fine. It was alil like a family reunion with my Mom's side.

So I go to the bathroom and get distracted by the Meeting/Alter room. Not really sure what it was but I deeply felt like I shouldn't have been there. Still stared real hard tho... Whatev.

I go back to the main room, following the voiding of my bladder. We chit chat quite a bit with everyone. We (My coworker and I) are 2 of only four people there under 30. Interesting.

People keep on touching me in places that make me uncomfortable....

Like on both shoulders, like this:

Or on the small of my back. Like women in their 60's and 70's. These are spots that I consider to be my intimate spots so this shit is offputting.

The man next to me asked me who Kris Kringle was in relation to Santa Claus. I speculate that perhaps they are fir…

Nappin like a baby.

Everyday I go home. I read alil math and then miraculously I end up deeply unconscious.

I've been sleepin in these mini ass comas. I shall blame it on the weather, as every other explanation would be very inconvenient at this juncture. I've had dates everyday and I've fallen asleep every fuckin night. Knocked tha fuck out. Today, I am going to an Eastern Star Fund raising thingy and then I have dinner plans.

I did most of my Christmas shopping and at this point, I'm about to take a fuckin shower, and haul ass to this Eastern Star event. I see my future shaping into directions that I didn't anticipate. It seems that changes are to be made and rather than fight them, I should go with the flow.

Part of me is wondering what 2009 will bring. My birthday is coming and last year.... mostly insane, I must say. I am a New Years baby so New Years eve is always alil insane.

Here is the blog that I wrote to commemorate my birthday last year:

Dear Sweet Blessed Infant Baby Jesus,