Showing posts from 2010

Shit i say at work, cuz im too lazy-busy to blog. (my supervisor writes these down)

Who likes Jell-o? It’s just juice that jiggles.” 5/24/2010

“Is there a movie about invisible sharks? Cause we should make one.Think how cheap it’d be!” 5/26/2010

“If I lived in a village, I’m sure they’d, like, put me down. They’dbe, like, ‘you’re too weird to live.’” 5/26/2010

“It is better . . . to have eaten . . . and lost . . . . than to never have eaten at all.” 5/27/2010

“. . . I was just thinkin’ you’d make a horrible woman. I mean, evenif you shaved the beard, you’d still be too lazy to gussy it up.”5/27/2010

“I love bar codes. I’ma bar code my kids. ‘It’s 10:00 pm, do youknow where your kids are?’ *Bloop!* Got ‘em!” 5/28/2010

“Wouldn’t it be great, like, if you had a friend who could pop-lockreal well, and you get them drunk and put them in a cow suit and madethem pop-lock for you?” 6/2/2010 (Ed: This was entirely unsolicitedand unrelated to anything that was going on).

“If there were giant hamsters, they would look like you . . . . . . Ithink that’s a compliment.” 6…

Tiny Bottles of Wine are Ingenious.

Preface: Let me start by stating that I postponed my LSATs. I need to work further on my Reading Comprehension and the hiatus that I took from writing has left me feeling completely unprepared for the actual writing section. It’s funny how the step that I took to leave me to focus on my studying diminished my confidence to actually perform on the test. Go figure.

I’d love to fill you in on everything, but there is too much to tackle as to what has happened over the last few months so I’ll hit the highlights and then try and narrow in on the last two days.

I’ve taken a break from dating. There are a lot of reasons for this break.
I have a severe commitment-phobia.
If I am seeing someone who is generally interested, I bolt. If I am seeing someone who doesn’t give a fuck, I linger. This is crazy-behavior.

I’m happier single.
I am.

I am not really friends with any of my exes.
Because before we started dating we weren’t really friends either.

I have found all parts of sex pretty disappointi…

Tired. Very tired.

I am emotionally and mentally tapped out. I dunno. Im about to withdraw for a while to think some things over. Thus is all.

Things I learned while studying for the Lsats

I feel like this time that I've spent studying has given me a quiet spot in my mind to reflect on things.

When I say "You'll be alright" to someone I'm breaking up with or breakin things off with, I don't really mean "You'll be alright". What I really mean is "Ill be alright". I'm gonna start saying "we'll be alright" because we will. Its never that serious. It truly isn't.

I am combatting my desire to be fawned over. That shits like heroine. I like it a lot, til I OD on it. There's a such thing as too much, you know.

I'm reading "Eat Pray Love" because I haven't read enough and I need upliftment, like people in jail need "Rape-Off". It has made me want to do all three. And This part stuck with me. "There are only 2 questions that human beings have ever fought over, all throughout history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?"

I have control issues. I want to con…

Out of pocket due to the LSATs

Hey yall. Sorry. I has been too busy to write lately. Deal with it. Meantime catch me on twitter. @Nettarose1 or on FB.....

Goddamn Crazy Magnet.

Things have been alil crazy with the rooftop pandemonium and all. I have this new habit that I am working on establishing in my life. I call it, "Breaking up with people that I'm not even dating". No, really. And it’s the best shit I ever came up with.

And it begins: I met a guy on a Wednesday night after getting drunk the night before.

Let me recap: The night prior to that, I was at a table in a club on a rooftop drinking large quantities of alcohol. I finally made it home at around 2am and still had to work.

So the next morning, I get up and head onto the train at 6am. I am dead to the world. No lie. We get to Penn station and I am still dead to the world.

The train unloads at Penn and goes to get cleaned in Queens. When I wake up, the train is rolling. I bolt up and run to the front. I find the conductor and ask "Am I headed to Queens?" because I've blatantly resigned myself to my fate.

He asks "Do you want to go to Queens?"

So I ask "Do I …

All these Motherf*ckin Rooftops

The level of crazy in NY has actually managed to up the ante on crazy. I has seen 2 people "walking" birds on leashes. I have seen 2 people in Grossly inappropriate attire. I have seen so many people who count as "crazy" it defies my counting capabilities.
I am ok with all of this as I am alil crazy too. I like to wave at my Train conductor when get off the train. Eh. Just cuz its New york, don't mean you should refrain from politities....

Mostly what I have seen is rooftop bars. They apparently ran out of "land" room so they started using up all the "air" space.

The views are fantastic and I have settled into a pattern: New York on Fridays and New Jersey on Saturdays. I go "bar" in NY, and make it onto my last train (cruelly scheduled at 1am). I make my way back to Jersey and spend time laughing with my dad in this serene ass town on the water. Its a nice pattern and I enjoy it.

The dating aspect has been interesting.

I have notic…

Single in the city

Sometimes the vastness of the city astounds me. The singles, the “in loves”, the marrieds….

It is amazing how, in a city so big with so many people to connect with, how some people can feel so alone.

I am embarking on dating again, kinda. After all my years of “failures”, at least I have figured out what I do and do not want.

I want:
Someone with a four year degree.
I am tired of dating people that I can only have perfunctory conversations with. I should not have to dumb down our conversation because you cannot keep up.

Someone who has read more than just what was assigned at school in order to get that four year degree.
I am not wowed when your list of favorite reading materials merely consists of things that were required.

Someone who isn’t crazy.
This one seems simple but I have a history of “what the fuck”…. From the delusional to the sociopathic. I can’t do it anymore.

Someone who makes as much or more money than me.
I am tired of dating dudes who make a 3rd of what I do. It’s rid…

MeatPacking, The Jersey Shore and The "Bones" Effect

Last weekend was incredibly satisfying in that every day markedly different the last and yet everyone was awesome in its own way.

Friday, I left work and headed to my friends friends home to get ready for this party. I took the first half of my journey with my supervisor. Walking along and seeing everything was great and I hear this voice that sounds familiar. I look up and who do I see but "AJ"..... Blatantly not who I wanted to run into while walking with my supervisor. I moved to a whole new city and still can't out run my Vagina. Stoopid Vagina.

Anyway, we walk along and are talking about random shit when my supervisor explains one of my main flaws. He calls it "The Bones Effect" and it really is pretty ingenious.

See, I religiously watch Bones. I do and not because I love it.... I watch it because I hate it.

Let me explain:
Bones is like CSI but shitty. I would love Bones if CSI didn't exist but it does... So Fuck Bones.
Bones is the same show as NCIS. …

Anatomy of a Good Ass Grift : The Hustle Chronicles

See also: Anatomy of a Hustle

This chick came on my NJ transit train today wit the ill sob story.

*sniff sniff* (wait for it, I'm bout to break this down.)

I'm so sorry to bother you. My son and I are stranded here. We have no money and we are just trying to get home. *sniffle sniffle* I am asking that if you have something to spare, it would be a blessing. I am trying to raise 24 dollars. *sniffle sniffle* Thank you for your time.

Now...... This bitch was a pro. Jewelry, light makeup. Right age for a mother. Low ponytail. Light sniffles, no tears. Big purse, well dressed. Motherfuckers starting diggin in purses and shit and then this one guy goes "She does that shit everyday. Same fucking story."

She was smart, tho.

She hit up the transit.

Probably commuters. People not worn down by city grifting.

She never said she was robbed.

Draws attention and possibly brings the cops into the equation.
If someone starts to ask why she has no money she can dip because....

She didn'…

Bitch, I want cranberry juice!

I feel like my attitude was hand crafted for this city. I always did like cities. That's why I got an urban studies degree. There's this collective swarming energy in cities that is damn near palpable.

I've been wandering Tribeca, the Village and Chelsea on my way home and I just dig the vibe. If silent (or drunken, boisterous) observation is the name of the game then I had excellent training. Atlanta taught me how to wander and observe at all hours of day or night, head phones on, head up and eyes forward. Like Dc with training wheels. A friendly host of homelessness, poverty and piss smell.

Dc was more ramped up. Alil faster but definitely less frenetic than NY. This shit is crazy. So I work in the same building as ClearChannel Radio. My first day I am headed in and I see Tiny exiting the building.

That shoulda told me everything right there...

NY has taught me that God's greatest gift to man is that of observation. The shit that you will see if you just pay attentio…

The Ideological Oxymoron and the 14 dollar "Gourmet" Grilled Cheese.

So, I made it to the big city. Yeah. Me. I made it.

Tuesday was my first day and I think I love the city, though I cannot seem to escape the damn commercial that's running through my head.

I get on my A.M. commuter train at 7:20, which for me is insane. Insane. I haven't seen 7 something in the morning in like ever.

I gets on my train and arrive in the most fucked up place ever. Penn motherfucking station. I get lost deep in Penn Station and then I wander over to the A train to get to work.

Get off the train and Im lost. Straight up lost. I found an awesome store. They'll sell me anything for 2 dollars. Anything!

I go to work and I like it. After work I head home and make it into bed by midnight. This is my new thing. I go to work and I go home for good sleep.

The next couple of days are interesting. I go to work. I get lost. I get on the wrong A train, get off at 59th street and turn around. The train driver keeps saying "Have an optimistic day" and a Geico Gecko is …

Best way to never run into your Ex Jump Off's ever again

I realized while driving home from Jersey after dropping a load of stuff off in Jersey that the best way that you can truly avoid running into your Ex Jump offs ever again is to just plain move to another city.

NYC is a whole new crop of man folk. A whole new crop of penis and adventure. Yay Penis. Yay Adventure.

My new shrink says I should fall in love. According to him, 27 is a great age to fall in love. I told him Love was a really strong word and that maybe he should use the word "like" instead.

The NY transition and the DC exit requires a whole set of rules. Seriously. So, here it goes:

The term "Love" is on Pause....
I think that shit has been thrown around way too often. By me, By other folks, By everyone. So that shit.... On pause. Love is not to be replaced with the term "Strongly Like". Like this shit is a survey or something. Fuck it.

I am no longer going to off brand clubs or to shit on off brand nights.
I work in an office. Sunday - Thursday, c…

Two Tranny Hookers & a Coke binge at the Bronx Zoo

Yeah. I took a hiatus. I ain't gonna lie.

1st off, with the blizzarding of the DC metropolitan area, I ain't gone nowhere and I definitely ain't did shit. The Lsats were on the 5th and got "snowed out". I took that as a sign from God and postponed that shit until October. The next one was in June but it was on a Monday and that shit ain't the business.

On a personal note, I am leavin DC. I'm headin off to New Jersey to live with pops. I'll be working in New York... This is bound to lead to more interesting stories. Not DC centric stories, but definitely stories. Like that last time in New York, New Years Eve.... Some people invited us into a limo. God knows where that could have led. I anticipate many interesting NY stories. Imagine.... Two Trannie hookers and a coke binge at the Bronx zoo. It could happen.

With all the snow, I ended up slamming out the screenplay that I was working on with a friend. Done and done. I'm looking forward to future col…

What had happened before i got busy

Preface: I wrote this about a two weeks ago. I met up with my "FB wife" and ended up partying. I totally missed out on writing the second part, which definitely involved a drunk girl biting my knee and wound down with her crying at the cops. Side note: Do not get drunk and hysterically plead your case to your local constabulary. It merely annoys them. Especially at 4am. Their goal is just to get your drunken and debaucherous ass out of the street. Whatever. I didn't have time to write about it. I just wrote about Friday, and Shall supply it forthwith:

Saturday OD'd on itselfs. I woke up at around noon. This was after the club pandemonium which I'm so not gonna get into except for this one part....

I hit my boy Mitch and he just ushers us in, no line, which is nice cuz I can't bear waiting. I love the park. Security is the same folk from the now defunct Love and they always make with the hugs. Head up to 4 and my bartender is up there. Pay attention cuz this is…

Take that! Take that! and the legion of bammas... (NYC pt. 2)

Flash forward to the A.M.

I woke up and needed to coordinate like 8 things. I needed to get fed, get checked out, coordinate my pickup from the hotel by one of my oldest besties and work out how the seeing of "Old/New" guy.

1st things 1st.... Breakfast. "Bridesmaid number 2" and I put on clothes and head out. After wanderin to 5 different places that we don't quite dig, we settle on a deli. Food is eaten and then we head back to the hotel. I check out and pay my ridiculous ass bill.... My old roomie comes and scoops me and we take a trek across the world and into Bx.

I realized at this point that NY is ginormous. Its like 5 cities smacked together. I realize that I might love it there. We get to my home girls crib and I arrange with "Old/New" guy to meet us at the crib. We all end up having jello shots and reminiscing about "the old days". I realize that I like "Old/New" guy. I realized that I dig his style. Its feisty and diffe…

Throwing Rose Petals at strangers in Times Square (NYC part 1)

Let me rewind a bit before we get into the details from my NY extravaganza.

The day after Christmas, I took my mother to Dover to see my brother.... I was so aggravated by the process of getting to Dover that I forgot to write about it last time I wrote.

Okay, so we are headed to Dover. Already we are running late. I had to get my hair and toes done for the NYE wedding that I was headed to. Mom and I get on the road and we are following the New GPS. His name is "Jason". No, Seriously. Before it was this british chick who just plain drove me nuts. Anywho. Jason is kindly directing us to "McGlynns" in Dover and not doing a bad job of it. But according to my mother, GPS and Jason are both morons. What we need to do is drive to up 95 and then go on the Delaware Memorial bridge. I try to explain to my mother that just because the Bridge is in Delaware doesnt mean it is anywhere near Dover. But Jason is only so loud and please believe that my mom is louder. Way Louder. So…