Best way to never run into your Ex Jump Off's ever again

I realized while driving home from Jersey after dropping a load of stuff off in Jersey that the best way that you can truly avoid running into your Ex Jump offs ever again is to just plain move to another city.

NYC is a whole new crop of man folk. A whole new crop of penis and adventure. Yay Penis. Yay Adventure.



My new shrink says I should fall in love. According to him, 27 is a great age to fall in love. I told him Love was a really strong word and that maybe he should use the word "like" instead.

The NY transition and the DC exit requires a whole set of rules. Seriously. So, here it goes:

  • The term "Love" is on Pause....
    I think that shit has been thrown around way too often. By me, By other folks, By everyone. So that shit.... On pause. Love is not to be replaced with the term "Strongly Like". Like this shit is a survey or something. Fuck it.

  • I am no longer going to off brand clubs or to shit on off brand nights.
    I work in an office. Sunday - Thursday, contrary to recent club promoter ads, are not clubbing nights. I cannot hang on those days. Off brand clubs.... You know who you are. No. No. No.

  • Lines and Covers.
    I can't do both. I can't. If your club is poppin enough to need a cover, I can't stand in a line. If your club is hot enough to need a line, I can't deal with a cover. Both? Really? Both? I can't do both. Shit.

    I'm a female. I have Vagina. Let me break it down for you.
    The goal of a club is to sell drinks. The door doesn't make shit compared to the motherfucking bar.

    Honestly there are three types of people who buy drinks:
    1. Men
    2. Ugly Women
    3. Attractive women who don't want to be bothered by having to talk to ugly men who just bought them an 8 dollar drink.


    Straight men don't want to go to a club without attractive women. So to get the women there, we should get in free. That shit is basic fucking economics.

  • Men...... Oh men....
    Hmmmm. This is gonna be alil bit much. I want it all. 100%. No half stepping. No cheating ass dudes. No players or crazies or nothing. Just gooduns.

    1. No half steppin.
      If you are a pop up and disappearing type dude... kick rocks. You're not welcome.

    2. If you ask me "When does your shift end?"....
      We ain't gonna make it. I don't work that kind of job or those kinds of jobs.

    3. If I ask you what school you went to and you go off about how "People don't need college to succeed"....
      We aint gonna make it. There are all kinds of schools in this world. Pre-school... Middle School.... High School.... You had to attend at least one and when you go off on a hostile tangent, it just displays your baggage that I don't want to deal with.

    4. Comparisons to your Ex's.
      Keep that. Save it and your baggage for the next one. I aint that chick and trust, she isn't me.

    5. Weigh the pros and the cons.
      I can be difficult. I am... and thats honest. Don't disrespect me. Don't come at me wrong. Don't try and play me. But I have pros too. I'm smart. I dress well. I can write. I am funny. I am pretty. I will break your back. That's real shit. Balance it out. Deal or walk.


I've been writing and focusing lately. Working on my own screenplay. That and the moving and the upcoming going away pandemonium is makin shit alil hectic. No lie. I'm ramping up for a huge blow out leave fest of shit. I will lose my shoes. I will come home with strange bruises. I will not remember half of it.... and that is as shit should be. Thus is life.

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