Trying to choose between Applebee's and Murderers

 Another one bites the dust. 

 

Mr. "Call Me Small" blocked me after I countered his assertion that the gender pay gap doesn’t exist. While I understand his desire to state that “Wal-mart and Target have proven that the gender pay gap is over exaggerated and the difference in pay is only 8 cents”, I felt the need to inform him of the census data that stated that as a black women, I am actually only making 70 cents for every white man’s dollar. I suspect this hurt his feelings. You would think a man who wants me to lament extensively about how disappointing his manhood is would have tougher skin. Guess not. Shrug. Gotta love it when a bitch exits himself. C’est la vie. 

 

When I initially started online dating, I was having decent conversation with this one 33 yr old. Seemed fine. Told him I couldn’t meet for a while and he kept on saying things like, “Hey, wanna meet me for coffee this afternoon?” sigh. Why are the men still fuckin deaf? And in my old age, all I hear is the flapping of red flags cuz did I fucking stutter? Anyway, he disappears. Cool. No harm no foul. But then 2 weeks later he pops up again. Seems like we got a Whack-a-Mole. 

You know, like a boomerang. They just keep coming back no matter how hard you throw them. 

 

Whack-a-mole: Hope everything has been going well lately. How are you?

Me:  I’m good but don’t recognize the number. Hint?

Whack-a-mole: Deleted my number? Lol

Me: You went quiet for a while. I assumed you died. Pretty sure it’s bad luck to keep a ghosts phone number. Curses the phone and then you gotta throw the whole phone away.

 

So he drifts back into the ether and then pops up again today. Fucking whack-a-mole. 

Here’s the thing. He’s not my type (and my type is oh so very flexible). I swiped on him because I wasn’t paying attention and he had a pic in front of a sushi place. I love sushi so yeah, I swiped. That’s on me. And the convo was going pretty well. Similar interests but I like communication and consistency. Apparently he gets bored with texting and would rather meet in person or talk face to face. That sounds like an excellent way to get murdered so yeah, no. Pass. 

 

Online dating has taught me quite a bit about myself. There is no faster way to realize that you don’t want to hike until you see it listed as an interest in someones profile. Hard fucking pass. I am not a “hiker”. I’m a casual nature walker. Nothing requiring a shoe change for me.  

 

A friend did recommend that I check out the facebook page “Are we dating the same guy?”. Interesting content over there. Lots of guys with beards. And the overall answer is no, we are not dating the same guy but many of these guys are giving off murderer vibes. I worry that the instincts of the women in the group are off because some of these guys definitely look like they have a few people chained up in their basement. 

 

So what I’ve seen of the dating pool can be boiled down to 4 categories:

1.     Applebee’s  men – These men are boring and disappointing. Like Applebees.  

2.     Habitual line crossers – These ones don’t take no for an answer. I say "No" and they hear “Change my mind".

3.     Podcast bros- Profiles saying “No Hoes, No Gold Diggers”. Ummm 1^st off, Hoe is life. 2^nd What gold? Where? You look like you live in your meemaw's basement.  

4.     Murderers – One guy had a photo on his profile of himself inside wearing gloves. If that isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is. 

 

It’s crucial to trust your instincts. This is how we stay alive.  That and avoiding hiking.