The head I should have turned down & why everyone should swallow.
I am aware that I've been hiding lately. Its been a necessary seclusion. I have a handful of things that I've needed to sort out for the past few weeks. While driving to NJ, August 23rd, I realized a few things.
I was brainstorming ideas for a guest spot on another blog. The topic is "Memories" and I don't remember anything positive. While thinking about my past relationships, it dawned on me: I have commitment issues. It was one of those DUH moments. Apparently everyone already knew this, cept for me.
I've never given 100 percent. Honestly, I've never emotionally or mentally committed to anyone. When I thought of commitment in the past, it was always a matter of fidelity in a sexual sense, not really wholly committing myself to a person with all of my tidbits (like my sex tidbits and my emotion tidbits and my spiritual type tidbits). It was a shitty driving revelation.
When I got to NJ, I quit. Seriously, I did. I secretly quit smoking. Didn't tell anybody or anything. Just saw a woman on the bus with one of them throat holes and started religiously chewing that gum.
I quit in secret cuz last time I tried to quit, I had people ask me every fucking day "How's quittin going?" Either that or they were tellin me what a good job I was doing. That shit irks me. Sitting around pattin me on the back for a job well done isn't a good way to encourage me. It feels patronizing and makes me want to spark a cigarette and blow the smoke in your face. Just shut the fuck up and leave me to my own process of quittery.
The quitting has made me bitchy. I cursed out lots of people. I threatened death... alot. and I disowned my brother. Long story.
Last weekend was pretty normal. I woke up Saturday and went to an extremely early hair appointment. Afterward I came home, cursed out my roommate and took a nap. Woke up and went to a pool party. It was awesome and odd.
I end up driving up to this huge fuckin house. Realize Ive lost my phone before the night even begins. I walk into the party and I hug my homie. Walk indoors to get a drink and (because DC is waaaaay too fuckin small) I see the whack lobbyist.
I walk in and sit down with my back to him, so that I can pretend that I dont see him. All of this is super awkward because I let him go down on me that time we had that bad date and then just went home without reciprocating.
Let me explain, before you get all up in arms:
So he just happens to be there and I have my back turned to him for a good solid hour. Then I get engrossed in a convo with my friend about sex with midgets and play dates for genitalia.
Man Friend: Our genitals should play together. They should have a play date.
Me: Imma need some kinda itinerary for that play date. Like what will it entail? Where will we go? Will there be tapas?
Man Friend: No. No itinerary. It's all about the surprises.
Me: Fuck that. Think about it like kids. Like my genitals are my kid and I'm sendin my kid to your house to play with your kid.... That brings many questions to bear. Where are you going? What will you do? My genitals could be allergic to peanuts. Please avoid all ballparks and eating PB & J sandwiches around my twat....
Man Friend: You're special.
Somewhere in here, I got drunk on an evil concoction called Firefly.
You drop 2 ice cubes in this and it tastes like drunk.....
Somehow, the guy who I'm trying to avoid manages to get behind the bar. Have you ever tried to ignore someone who is standing right in front of you??? It is super fucking hard.
I get up and go into the bathroom and had the oddest exchange of the night. Walking out of the bathroom, this guy was staring at me.
Me: What? Why are you staring at me?
Him: You look like a unicorn. I want to pour this liquor on you and set you on fire.
Me: What the fuck? You wanna arson me?
His Friend: Naw. He wants to pour liquor on you and set you on fire with his love.
Me: Whoa. That sounds like an STD.
Him: You look like a unicorn.
Me: No I don't.
Him: Yes You do. When's the last time you saw a unicorn?
Me: Touché drunk man... Touché..
Fuckin A. Went home.
Then the other day I had the following conversation (verbatim from Facebook)
Me: It’s 2009. Everyone should eat pussy. It’s delicious. It’s nutritious and its satisfying...
Him: Riiiiiight, it shouldn't have a damn taste. But i get where u'r coming from, and no it's not nutritious lol. Maybe if u swallow a mans sperm, then maybe. But the same goes, every female should suck dick :-)
Me: They should. It’s 2009 and they should swallow.
Semen contains the follow: vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, citric acid, creatine, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.
Plus it has the same amount of protein as an egg white. so yes. everyone should suck dick and swallow.
Him: LMAO, i'll put this message in my status lmaooo. Good shit
Me: it wont fit... its too long.
Him: watch it fit lol
Me: Thats alot of data.
Him: Lmao, it's gonna fit but i don't want no one saying nothing dumb about u where u can read it lol. Don't want to start no arguments on my page lol
Me: These are facts. What is there to argue about? If everyone doesn't want to suck dick, that's on them. But if you’re down there anyway, and it ends up in your mouth, you might as well swallow. Spitting just makes a mess and the small act of swallowing gets you so many cool points in the long run it’s ridiculous. Plus you can tell a lot about a man’s diet and health regime by his flavor & How can you say you know someone or you care about them or love them if you’re unwilling to swallow something that came out of them that you worked really hard to bring to fruition? (Ps. This is going to end up being a blog. Just an FYI)
Thus is all. And I leave you with these thoughts from William Shakespeare... Cuz here at Semi-literate, we likes to keep it fuckin highbrow and classy....
I was brainstorming ideas for a guest spot on another blog. The topic is "Memories" and I don't remember anything positive. While thinking about my past relationships, it dawned on me: I have commitment issues. It was one of those DUH moments. Apparently everyone already knew this, cept for me.
I've never given 100 percent. Honestly, I've never emotionally or mentally committed to anyone. When I thought of commitment in the past, it was always a matter of fidelity in a sexual sense, not really wholly committing myself to a person with all of my tidbits (like my sex tidbits and my emotion tidbits and my spiritual type tidbits). It was a shitty driving revelation.
When I got to NJ, I quit. Seriously, I did. I secretly quit smoking. Didn't tell anybody or anything. Just saw a woman on the bus with one of them throat holes and started religiously chewing that gum.
I quit in secret cuz last time I tried to quit, I had people ask me every fucking day "How's quittin going?" Either that or they were tellin me what a good job I was doing. That shit irks me. Sitting around pattin me on the back for a job well done isn't a good way to encourage me. It feels patronizing and makes me want to spark a cigarette and blow the smoke in your face. Just shut the fuck up and leave me to my own process of quittery.
The quitting has made me bitchy. I cursed out lots of people. I threatened death... alot. and I disowned my brother. Long story.
Last weekend was pretty normal. I woke up Saturday and went to an extremely early hair appointment. Afterward I came home, cursed out my roommate and took a nap. Woke up and went to a pool party. It was awesome and odd.
I end up driving up to this huge fuckin house. Realize Ive lost my phone before the night even begins. I walk into the party and I hug my homie. Walk indoors to get a drink and (because DC is waaaaay too fuckin small) I see the whack lobbyist.
I walk in and sit down with my back to him, so that I can pretend that I dont see him. All of this is super awkward because I let him go down on me that time we had that bad date and then just went home without reciprocating.
Let me explain, before you get all up in arms:
- He REEEEAAAALLLLYYY wanted to.
And who am I to begrudge him? Really? Who am I? - The night sucked anyway.
It really did. and I felt like maybe if that was good, it might turn the night around. - It wasn't good.
Hence why I left.
So he just happens to be there and I have my back turned to him for a good solid hour. Then I get engrossed in a convo with my friend about sex with midgets and play dates for genitalia.
Man Friend: Our genitals should play together. They should have a play date.
Me: Imma need some kinda itinerary for that play date. Like what will it entail? Where will we go? Will there be tapas?
Man Friend: No. No itinerary. It's all about the surprises.
Me: Fuck that. Think about it like kids. Like my genitals are my kid and I'm sendin my kid to your house to play with your kid.... That brings many questions to bear. Where are you going? What will you do? My genitals could be allergic to peanuts. Please avoid all ballparks and eating PB & J sandwiches around my twat....
Man Friend: You're special.
Somewhere in here, I got drunk on an evil concoction called Firefly.
You drop 2 ice cubes in this and it tastes like drunk.....
Somehow, the guy who I'm trying to avoid manages to get behind the bar. Have you ever tried to ignore someone who is standing right in front of you??? It is super fucking hard.
I get up and go into the bathroom and had the oddest exchange of the night. Walking out of the bathroom, this guy was staring at me.
Me: What? Why are you staring at me?
Him: You look like a unicorn. I want to pour this liquor on you and set you on fire.
Me: What the fuck? You wanna arson me?
His Friend: Naw. He wants to pour liquor on you and set you on fire with his love.
Me: Whoa. That sounds like an STD.
Him: You look like a unicorn.
Me: No I don't.
Him: Yes You do. When's the last time you saw a unicorn?
Me: Touché drunk man... Touché..
Fuckin A. Went home.
Then the other day I had the following conversation (verbatim from Facebook)
Me: It’s 2009. Everyone should eat pussy. It’s delicious. It’s nutritious and its satisfying...
Him: Riiiiiight, it shouldn't have a damn taste. But i get where u'r coming from, and no it's not nutritious lol. Maybe if u swallow a mans sperm, then maybe. But the same goes, every female should suck dick :-)
Me: They should. It’s 2009 and they should swallow.
Semen contains the follow: vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, citric acid, creatine, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.
Plus it has the same amount of protein as an egg white. so yes. everyone should suck dick and swallow.
Him: LMAO, i'll put this message in my status lmaooo. Good shit
Me: it wont fit... its too long.
Him: watch it fit lol
Me: Thats alot of data.
Him: Lmao, it's gonna fit but i don't want no one saying nothing dumb about u where u can read it lol. Don't want to start no arguments on my page lol
Me: These are facts. What is there to argue about? If everyone doesn't want to suck dick, that's on them. But if you’re down there anyway, and it ends up in your mouth, you might as well swallow. Spitting just makes a mess and the small act of swallowing gets you so many cool points in the long run it’s ridiculous. Plus you can tell a lot about a man’s diet and health regime by his flavor & How can you say you know someone or you care about them or love them if you’re unwilling to swallow something that came out of them that you worked really hard to bring to fruition? (Ps. This is going to end up being a blog. Just an FYI)
Thus is all. And I leave you with these thoughts from William Shakespeare... Cuz here at Semi-literate, we likes to keep it fuckin highbrow and classy....
All yet seems well;
And if it end so meet the bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.
The king’s a beggar, now the play is done:
All is well ended, if this suit be won,
That you express content; which we will pay, with strife to please you, day exceeding day:
Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts; your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts.
Comments