Senor Famous’s Music Video and the Tijuana Hooker Stripper Rejects
Senor Famous’s Music Video and the Tijuana Hooker Stripper Rejects
On Sunday, I allowed myself to be convinced that I should show up at this shoot for the Jon Famous Fly music video. I'd previously mentioned the skills of Jon Famous and my lack of appreciation for them but I figured why the fuck not.
I deeply suspect that all of the video "Models" were strippers, and that they all shopped at "Cheap Strippers who might have sex with you for a few extra dollars R-Us". Imagine tryouts at the strip club. But not a shitty hole in the wall like this spot pictured below from Philly.
An upscale strip clup.... Imagine the rejects.... Yeah. Those were the Chicks at this shoot. Or better yet, the strippers at Pleasers in SW ATL..... Minus the bullet holes and cigarette burns. But not minus the stretch marks. Plenty of stretch marks.
At least the bitches at Pleasers had the sense to get HIGH as shit before doing ignant ass pole tricks and shit. I just hope them hoes got paid. Bein a hooker is one thing. Being a dumb broke hooker is another.
My question was "Who dressed these hoes?"
Candice said "I think they dressed themselves" to which I replied, "Looks like it”
Megan gave some of the strippers nicknames. We had Dummy, Diana Ross, Fake ass, Shiny, the Patriot...
Lemme break these down:
Dummy- because she was unable to count money. No lie. She was handed the typical two 100’s layered with four 50’s, and a shitload ones. When asked to count this, her special ass is just fanning herself with this bullshit ass wad of bills. Motherfuckers had to yell “Cut!” and show her dumb ass how to count money! Once she had her fuckin tutorial, this bitch is countin the shit with the ones all spread out. Jon reached down and knocked all that shit outta her fuckin hand. I swear I almost died. Andray's high ass felt the need to pick up one of the ones and hold it in front of his face like as if to say "BALLIN"!!!!
Diana Ross was by far my fuckin favorite: big ass Diana Ross weave, red and black pattern latex catsuit with the keyhole cut out in the front and that laced up the back and had attacked the crack of her ass like an aggressive herpes outbreak or some hostile space amoeba. She kept on lettin her "stripper tendencies" show by shakin one booty cheek or droppin it to the ground when the camera wasn't even rolling. Candice and I decided that she looked like a hooker from Tijuana. Sexo Sexo por Cinco Pesos.
Fake ass was thus named because her ass was literally fake. I took a photo because I suspected that no one would believe me....I just kept on yelling out "Her booty is dumb stupid phat!!!" (The whole time I was at the shoot, I kept tellin myself "Hoes are people, too. Hoes are people, too.")
Fake ass is farthest to the left. There is no fuckin way she has a 9 to 5 with all that ass.
Shiny was just shiny. And loud and aggressive. I need you to know that after we talked straight shit about her, turns out she knew Megan (and was extra excited about that shit too). Umm we were snickering the whole time (cuz we're not very nice.)
I keep seeing shiny in the streets.... For some reason shiny keeps bringin her mother to the club... It's weird and unnerving.
The Patriot: She was wearing a red and white bustier and yellow booty shorts with a red belt for accent. She also had the privilege of being between Fake ass and Diana Ross for the obligatory doggystyle booty shake (cuz it never quite got to clap caliber) that looked like a clip from one of the videos in the BET Uncut reject pile.
The rest of the stripper rejects were quite unremarkable and thus get no mention. I hope they got paid.
Here is a series of questions I would like to pose in relation to that photo shoot:
Why did Jon have a Magnum condom in his pocket as a fuckin prop? Was that perhaps a lil over ambitious of him?
When they got off of the couch following the “We ball outta control, while sittin on couches, waving around corked bottles of Patrón and making it rain $1 bills” scene, why tha fuck was the couch greasy with Hoe Juice?
Why was everyone waving around unpopped bottles of champagne? Is it possible that you just might be unable to afford to pop the top?
Dear god, what crack house did they scour to scrounge up those scallywags?
What in the fuck possessed them to do an all dude shot? That shit needed a huge sign lit up behind them motherfuckers that read “NO HOMO!!!”
Why did Andray keep asking Shiny if he could see her underwear?
Would you even need to wear underwear with the shit that Diana Ross was wearing, seeing as though it had already claimed the crack of her ass through manifest destiny for the planet of “Hoe-topia” for the purposes of proliferating hoedom?
Why in the name of all that is holy, did they have Jon in a jacket with purple glitter on the fuckin sleeves? Men shouldn't wear glitter or purple.... They had that motherfucker looking like a rap version of Prince (without the money or the silky silky perm).
Why did damn near all of the champagne glasses have cranberry juice in them? Was that supposed to resemble Rosé?
Why did that one dude who was lip synchin in the back look like an ass rapin inmate?
Jon Famous, if you so fly, why you got that old school ass Motorola pager from the 90’s? What tha fuck is fly about that?
What tha hell did they need the baby oil for?
Why they had Jon Famous holding a newspaper while sitting damn near on top of “Dummy”?
I have two problems with this…
Why was high ass Andray Blatche in that bitch, talkin bout "I don't know who brought it but this some Good ass cake!" That motherfucker really ate all that motherfuckin cake. Seriously. Damn munchie havin motherfucker.
.
I need you to know right now that I have actually reached my ignorance threshold for the week and will be refraining from other events that might prove to be ignorant for a least a week, if not the rest of the month. Thank god, no one poured liquor on one of those chicks. My mother spent too much money for me to go to college, to have me sittin around witnessing shit of that nature.
On Sunday, I allowed myself to be convinced that I should show up at this shoot for the Jon Famous Fly music video. I'd previously mentioned the skills of Jon Famous and my lack of appreciation for them but I figured why the fuck not.
I deeply suspect that all of the video "Models" were strippers, and that they all shopped at "Cheap Strippers who might have sex with you for a few extra dollars R-Us". Imagine tryouts at the strip club. But not a shitty hole in the wall like this spot pictured below from Philly.
An upscale strip clup.... Imagine the rejects.... Yeah. Those were the Chicks at this shoot. Or better yet, the strippers at Pleasers in SW ATL..... Minus the bullet holes and cigarette burns. But not minus the stretch marks. Plenty of stretch marks.
At least the bitches at Pleasers had the sense to get HIGH as shit before doing ignant ass pole tricks and shit. I just hope them hoes got paid. Bein a hooker is one thing. Being a dumb broke hooker is another.
My question was "Who dressed these hoes?"
Candice said "I think they dressed themselves" to which I replied, "Looks like it”
Megan gave some of the strippers nicknames. We had Dummy, Diana Ross, Fake ass, Shiny, the Patriot...
Lemme break these down:
Dummy- because she was unable to count money. No lie. She was handed the typical two 100’s layered with four 50’s, and a shitload ones. When asked to count this, her special ass is just fanning herself with this bullshit ass wad of bills. Motherfuckers had to yell “Cut!” and show her dumb ass how to count money! Once she had her fuckin tutorial, this bitch is countin the shit with the ones all spread out. Jon reached down and knocked all that shit outta her fuckin hand. I swear I almost died. Andray's high ass felt the need to pick up one of the ones and hold it in front of his face like as if to say "BALLIN"!!!!
Diana Ross was by far my fuckin favorite: big ass Diana Ross weave, red and black pattern latex catsuit with the keyhole cut out in the front and that laced up the back and had attacked the crack of her ass like an aggressive herpes outbreak or some hostile space amoeba. She kept on lettin her "stripper tendencies" show by shakin one booty cheek or droppin it to the ground when the camera wasn't even rolling. Candice and I decided that she looked like a hooker from Tijuana. Sexo Sexo por Cinco Pesos.
Fake ass was thus named because her ass was literally fake. I took a photo because I suspected that no one would believe me....I just kept on yelling out "Her booty is dumb stupid phat!!!" (The whole time I was at the shoot, I kept tellin myself "Hoes are people, too. Hoes are people, too.")
Fake ass is farthest to the left. There is no fuckin way she has a 9 to 5 with all that ass.
Shiny was just shiny. And loud and aggressive. I need you to know that after we talked straight shit about her, turns out she knew Megan (and was extra excited about that shit too). Umm we were snickering the whole time (cuz we're not very nice.)
I keep seeing shiny in the streets.... For some reason shiny keeps bringin her mother to the club... It's weird and unnerving.
The Patriot: She was wearing a red and white bustier and yellow booty shorts with a red belt for accent. She also had the privilege of being between Fake ass and Diana Ross for the obligatory doggystyle booty shake (cuz it never quite got to clap caliber) that looked like a clip from one of the videos in the BET Uncut reject pile.
The rest of the stripper rejects were quite unremarkable and thus get no mention. I hope they got paid.
Here is a series of questions I would like to pose in relation to that photo shoot:
I have two problems with this…
- He looked like he was about to shit on her.
- It was completely unrealistic, cuz we all know Jon don’t read no Fuckin newspapers. They shoulda gave that motherfucker a XXL magazine or something.
.
I need you to know right now that I have actually reached my ignorance threshold for the week and will be refraining from other events that might prove to be ignorant for a least a week, if not the rest of the month. Thank god, no one poured liquor on one of those chicks. My mother spent too much money for me to go to college, to have me sittin around witnessing shit of that nature.
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