Shoot the whack lyricist and don't cum in my eye.

Preface: If you know a publisher or an agent, especially one with connections at Citadel Press...Please send them my way...

So long as people will listen to anything, the proliferation of crappy ass music will continue unabated. (Kinda like : For evil to triumph it is enough only that good men do nothing).

I spent my college years in Atlanta and I must say, a lot of crappy ass music came my way....

For instance:

  • Gucci man “So Icy” - He literally says "My. Chain. Hangs. Down. To. My. DICK!!!!" with pauses in between each word for emphasis.

  • Chamillionaire - please take a moment to listen to Ridin dirty. (I was with this song when it came out, as I myself was riding dirty.)

    Ummm, really the songs about police profiling. At the end, he pulls up at his girls crib....and states that he was not in fact ridin dirty....
    BOOOOO!!! You suck chamillionaire!

  • White tee- yup in my white tee, yup in my white tee!!!!! They don't rock a jersey, cuz they broke and dirty.

  • Laffy Taffy- Didn't food used to be sacred? Why dear god must the youth defile all that is tasty in the world..... "I'm lookin for Ms. Bubblegum. I'm Mr. Chico Stic, I wanna da nu na... Cuz u so thick...."


Rap has been on a decline for a while now..... Down south rap got so bad that I even had a formula for shitty down south rap songs.

Here's what it takes:
  1. Decent (not excellent, merely decent) beat.
  2. Hook about 4 or 5 words long....
  3. Some insinuation of violence or an insult,
  4. Followed by a derogatory term for women.


For instance, a completely plausible down south rap hook could be any of the following:
  • Beat that ass, hoe!
  • Slap that hoe!
  • You a bitch, bitch!
  • Slit yo throat, trick!
  • Break a chair, hoe!
  • End yo life, tramp!
  • Rape yo moms, hoe!
  • (My personal favorite) Go sit down, hoe.....
    (Not long after I came up with this a song came out that had a hook of "Go Sit Down!!!" and when it came on the radio I sincerely almost crashed my car out of shock. I didn't know that shit had really gotten that ignorant).....


The gangstalicious possibilities are endless!!!!

The trick is to keep it monosyllabic, son.!

If you use "School words", you might confuse and bewilder your target audience.

A lot of back sliding lately: when I can point to Lil Wayne as one of the more thought provoking club rappers (I mean, is it really possible to love her like Pussy, Money AND Weed?).... We might just have a problem.

IGNORANCE ABOUNDS AND WE DANCE TO IT:
Some recent ignorance encountered lately:
  • SUPERMAN THAT HOE: Superman that hoe: for those of you who don't know what superman that hoe actually means, let me take this moment to enlighten you....

    Urbandictionary.com states that “supermaning that hoe” is:
    "When a female does not want to have sex, the male ejaculates onto the females back while she is sleeping and puts the sheets over her. In the morning, the female wakes up with the sheets stuck to her back like a cape. Therefore looking like superman."


    This is what the fuck happens when we as a society allow children to use their genitals......

    And somebody enlightened me to the “Spiderman” which is
    "When your fucking a girl (Doesnt matter which way) and right before you about to cum you pull out. You then jizz on your hand and mimicking spider-man throw your jizz in the girls face, while yelling "GO WEB GO!"".


    What tha fuck?!?!!?! Now that's just rude. Ph levels in the range of 7.0-7.6 are acceptable for the eye, so any substance entering the eye that falls within that range shouldn't cause a huge problem but its best to keep anything entering the eye around the 7.2 range.

    But the ph of sperm can range from 7.2-8.0. THAT SHIT IS MAD ALKALINE!!!!

    You could cause serious ocular issues with that shit. Now you got motherfuckers blind, needing eye washes and shit.... Once again, this is what happens when we let young people use their genitals.

    I'm not even gonna pretend that I haven't been at work talkin bout “Yah Trick Yah!!!”.... That doesn't make it any less ignant.

  • Buy you a drank - wow, a whole drank? And then you gonna take me home with you. T-pain is ugly like “Whoa” and it would take tha whole bar to get me to go home wit him and be like "ooow ooow ooow ooow."

  • Chicken noodle soup- wit a soda on the side? Was it a grape soda? What tha hell?

  • Flo rida- Apple bottom jeans, boots w tha fur? Shawty mighta got low but she has no sense of fashion (and deep down, I suspect shawty is a hood rat).....

  • Coffee shop- I'm sooooo not sure what this song is about. Is coffee refering to sex? And if so, is the coffee shop where you buy sex? Okay, I looked up some lyrics. I think it’s about hustling…

    I ask you this “How much money do you have to make, How many mansions and ignant ass cars and chains must you buy before you are no longer allowed to rap about hustling shit on the streets?”

    Yall motherfuckers don’t even hustle your own Big Macs anymore. BITCH PLEASE!

    And how can I forget the whole inspiration for this blog:

  • Jon Famous- Fly - Now perhaps you love this song. Perhaps you think its ingenious. I gotta say IT IS mediocrity at its best.

    People keep on asking me to request it on the radio. I cannot do that, cuz if I do, I can only be mad at myself when they play it.....

    "I’m fly as a Lear
    I’m high in the air.
    Star in the flesh,
    Go blind if you stare.
    When you talkin down there,
    We don’t hear it up here.
    I’m headed to the moon,
    So why would I care?
    I'm fly, fly, fly, fly...."


    A second ago, you were high like a Lear jet, now you’re in a spaceship, headed to the moon… You so crazy Jon Famous…..

    I need motherfuckers to stop bastardizing the English language to try and make words that don't rhyme fit. And additionally, I miss rappers like Ludacris (Imma need him to come out with something new), because when confronted with the option of making a simple ass rhyme or stepping it up, Luda tended to surprise me and step it the fuck up.

    I hope Jon Famous wrote these lyrics himself cuz if not SHOOT THA GHOSTWRITER.

    I also hope that Jon Famous is not a college graduate, cuz his verbiage speaks lowly of any institution that he may have attended.

    Please take a moment. Check out his Myspace and if you like, feel free to endorse him. I think we all know that I won't.


Yall crappy ass lyricists make me wanna gouge out my eardrum….

I will not abide by lyrical crap. I will not pay for this bullshit. And I cannot endorse that which I feel is pure crap that exists solely for the sake of monetary gain pulled directly out of the pocket of those who know no better……

If you are broke, and you rap about money to get money out of those who need it the most to further the expansion of your ignorant get money mentality, to be spoonfed right back to those who you just sold a hood-neoslave narrative…

Shame on you

There’s a special spot in hell where you will burn for furthering the disenfranchisement of generations of poor too blind to realize their own fleecing… Fuck you.


HAVE A NICE DAY!!! :)

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