Masturbation at its finest...

This blog is essentially a masturbatory effort (Masturbation at its finest…)

Its 3am. I got home about 30 minutes ago.

No, I was not out clubbing.

NO, I did not get laid. I just came home from work. I am tired, but not tired enough to sleep. So you gets a lazy ass blog.

Seythe said that I was an asshole freshman year of college. There is probably some truth to this, but looking back at my old blogs, I see the evolution of me. And yes, I was in fact an asshole.

Please see the following examples:

• Stop the Bitchery
  
  Stop the Bitchery came out of a very valid problem I had with alcoholics who choose to cry in my kitchen. I cannot tolerate that shit. I have feelings and all, but damn. I am not a bitch (in the punk sense of the word)…. Man-feelings make me nervous and give me an icky feeling inside.
  
  
• The Exes that wouldn’t die
  
  This one is mean, true. But it is relevant. I get these random fucking calls. Once I stop seeing someone, I just prefer to pretend that they are dead. I can’t do that if they call me. And it’s especially hard if I see them walking down the street.
  
  
• House Rules
  
  I ain’t even gonna fake, this was the first time I had my own place. No boyfriend, no parents, MY MOTHER FUCKING SPOT….. And I am quick to call the cops…….
  
  
• The bitch that wouldn’t shut tha fuck up
  
  I am sure I am not the only person who got on a plane hung over and wanted to choke the loud person next to them. This was not nearly as bad as the time we went to New Orleans when I was hung over in the airport and I advocated tasing rambunctious children. Not on the kill setting or anything…. Just enough to stun them….
  
  Whatever. It’s not as bad as it sounds and I was really hung over. It was Lisa’s Fault. Its always Lisa’s fault. Except that time in Pittsburgh. That was my fault for wandering off with Ramone.
  
  
• To Tell the truth, Blindfolded I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
  
  I was really pissed when I wrote this. Id just been lied to and though I believe that honesty is the best policy, I also believe that:
  
  
  1. If you’re gonna lie, do it well.
     
  2. The bullshit’s in the details.
  
  
  Step yo lying game up, cuz I’m Hercule fucking Peroit in this bitch and I hate it when motherfuckers think that they got over on me.
  
  Plus he was dumb. How you gonna be dumb and lie to people? When you’re stupid, you should just default to honesty….. It takes way less thought and why strain what few brain cells god gave you.
  
  
• Shit that’s not gonna fucking fly
  
  Okay, this is the one where I recommend suicide to someone. And yes, that’s mean.
  
  But I’ve been suggesting that to people since high school. I actually had a political platform (had I ever needed to run for president) that revolved around shooting stupid people, HUD houses, socialism, chicken, hot sauce, Weed bread and tussin. Seriously. I had too much free time and apparently wasn’t getting laid then either.
  
  
• Reasons why I hate Virginia
  
  This one isn’t that bad. I really do fucking hate Virginia. But my arguments were completely valid.
  
  And I hate lots of places, like South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, Certain parts of Florida, a decent chunk of Ohio….Pretty much anything in the Midwest. Those boxy looking states creep me out.
  
  
• Why I fucking refuse to buy Condoms
  
  I still don’t have a penis. And since "The realest 20 minutes of my life", I have a fucking sack full of condoms. Free to a good home, if you want em. I got flavored, regular lubricated ones and the female condom, if you’re feeling adventurous.
  
  
• Reason’s why I shouldn’t fuck your man
  
  Okay, this one was bitchy…. And kinda assholish. Yeah. I’m an asshole.
  
  I’m not even gonna go into the damn “I AM PMS” blog. That one was really bad.

Okay. Seythe. You win. I’ll bake you cookies. Cuz you’re right.
I was an asshole. And I still am to an extent.

But at least I get to vent via blog…. That way, rather than telling people that their accidental lives are a waste of a busted condom, I can write that shit.

And perhaps reading it softens the blow. Really, I feel free to write whatever the fuck I feel on here, because the majority of the people I talk about, them motherfuckers don’t read. I mean, they can, technically…They just don’t. I think they prefer pictorials.

Like that guy with the “Caution, Educated Black Man” tee shirt who said he couldn’t read the book I was engrossed in because it was too long. People like that should be sterilized.

There should be no possibility of spreading that level of stupidity onto another generation. And if stating that makes me an asshole, then I’m an asshole….You can’t say I wasn’t honest….

(Honestly, this blog is pure masturbation. I get to read my own shit and comment on it. It’s like those commentaries directors do on DVDs…… Yeah. Good shit. Tee hee hee. I just “Supermaned” that junt…. And you read it….Sucker… Yup. I’m satisfied.)