Naked Beggars: My 1st night in Pittsburgh
Originally Posted 9.13.2006
Naked Beggars: My 1st night in Pittsburgh
I'd settled in and resolved to an evening of room service and HBO viewing. After arguing with my ex via text message all day on not one, but two phones, I went outside to smoke a cigarette.
8:30 pm: Ramon? came up and asked if he could have a cigarette. I told him how Pennsylvania had just robbed me out of 7 dollars and 50 cents for the pack. he ran off to get into a cab and waved me over to ask me to come for a drink. Mind you, I had 2 dollars and 50 cents, my id and a room key in my pocket. I got in and we headed over to Ruth Chris steak house.
9:00 pm. I find out Ramón and his boss Janz are in town on tour with Korn. 2 scotches and a cabernet sauvignon later Ramón and Janz have convinced me that we must go to the strip club to see, as Ramón puts it: "Naked Beggars".. I find this absolutely hilarious and off we go to blush, to partake in naked beggars.
10:00PM – some ungodly hour that was much closer to 2am than is acceptable considering I have to work tomorrow.
At this point I am no longer counting drinks. We've switched to red bull and vodka. I'm talking with a guy named Mauru about how stripping is a job and if your gonna do it, do it right. Hone your craft. I tip a charming beggar named luscious who has decided that I am fabulous, and who I in turn have decided is equally fabulous. The game is on and this guy named Kevin is telling me how he was at the game and was dragged away by his friend who made him come to the club. Chantilly lace was on. I told him to kick his friend's ass and then I stole his ticket stub as a souvenir.
Chantilly lace is the "feature dancer", who can be seen in many anal porn films and looks a high, hot fuckin mess. 1st off she has what appears to be a blonde mullet wig on. She comes out in a red and black pleather bustier and underwear with horrible fake tits and bumble bees tattooed on her ass. She then dances to "Its Raining Men" with an umbrella as a prop. I laughed so hard I cried and then started taking bets on how long it would take before she just gave up and ended her own life. The guy who left the Steelers game came to the conclusion that he wouldn't be able to manage an erection for at least a week.
My "friends" left but gave me cab money. Gave Luscious my number and wandered back to my hotel. All in all a fabulous 1st night in Pittsburgh.
A few I heard in Pittsburgh.
You smoke menthols? You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm anal.
That's cool, I'm down with anal.
Don't call her a bitch. She's an 11 year old girl.
I just wanna hang out….
I mean, if the toe is right there, it might end up in my mouth.
Stop asking questions. Do something, take some initiative.
We're all staff. I mean, we all work for somebody.
Bottled water… in bottles.
I don't have don king hair!
I love you… fuck it!
Perhaps.
When we speak, we only hear what we already know.
Naked Beggars: My 1st night in Pittsburgh
I'd settled in and resolved to an evening of room service and HBO viewing. After arguing with my ex via text message all day on not one, but two phones, I went outside to smoke a cigarette.
8:30 pm: Ramon? came up and asked if he could have a cigarette. I told him how Pennsylvania had just robbed me out of 7 dollars and 50 cents for the pack. he ran off to get into a cab and waved me over to ask me to come for a drink. Mind you, I had 2 dollars and 50 cents, my id and a room key in my pocket. I got in and we headed over to Ruth Chris steak house.
9:00 pm. I find out Ramón and his boss Janz are in town on tour with Korn. 2 scotches and a cabernet sauvignon later Ramón and Janz have convinced me that we must go to the strip club to see, as Ramón puts it: "Naked Beggars".. I find this absolutely hilarious and off we go to blush, to partake in naked beggars.
10:00PM – some ungodly hour that was much closer to 2am than is acceptable considering I have to work tomorrow.
At this point I am no longer counting drinks. We've switched to red bull and vodka. I'm talking with a guy named Mauru about how stripping is a job and if your gonna do it, do it right. Hone your craft. I tip a charming beggar named luscious who has decided that I am fabulous, and who I in turn have decided is equally fabulous. The game is on and this guy named Kevin is telling me how he was at the game and was dragged away by his friend who made him come to the club. Chantilly lace was on. I told him to kick his friend's ass and then I stole his ticket stub as a souvenir.
Chantilly lace is the "feature dancer", who can be seen in many anal porn films and looks a high, hot fuckin mess. 1st off she has what appears to be a blonde mullet wig on. She comes out in a red and black pleather bustier and underwear with horrible fake tits and bumble bees tattooed on her ass. She then dances to "Its Raining Men" with an umbrella as a prop. I laughed so hard I cried and then started taking bets on how long it would take before she just gave up and ended her own life. The guy who left the Steelers game came to the conclusion that he wouldn't be able to manage an erection for at least a week.
My "friends" left but gave me cab money. Gave Luscious my number and wandered back to my hotel. All in all a fabulous 1st night in Pittsburgh.
A few I heard in Pittsburgh.
You smoke menthols? You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm anal.
That's cool, I'm down with anal.
Don't call her a bitch. She's an 11 year old girl.
I just wanna hang out….
I mean, if the toe is right there, it might end up in my mouth.
Stop asking questions. Do something, take some initiative.
We're all staff. I mean, we all work for somebody.
Bottled water… in bottles.
I don't have don king hair!
I love you… fuck it!
Perhaps.
When we speak, we only hear what we already know.
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