A brief synopsis of my knowledge of the 20th century….

A brief synopsis of my knowledge of the 20th century….

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In high school, rather than studying for history tests, I used to do quick lunch time polls. I’d run around to anyone in a grade higher than mine and ask for a synopsis of whatever topic the test was on……

Like this:
“Pop Quiz!!!: Tell me everything you know about the Korean War!”

Which invariably produces wonderful answers like “Didn’t that shit happen in Japan?” Mensa Candidates these motherfuckers were not.

Amazingly enough, I graduated and I assumed that these motherfuckers eventually did as well…… But all of this has left me with truncated versions of history. Snapshots if you will.

So I will give you a quick rundown of the 20th century USA style….in my own estimation.

The 20th century in Decades

1900-1909

• Shit was dirty.


• There were immigrants


• Shit was not too hygienic


• Corsets were in fashion


• ummm Laissez-Faire?


• Syphilis


• Cocaine was popularized

That’s all I got. Please excuse my public school education. Also, note that everything I know about this era is based on the movies “Far and Away”, “Gangs of New York”, and “Titanic” and sadly enough not one of these movies is actually set in the years of 1900-1909. (Go figure).

1910-1919

• The bob hair style was in fashion for women.


• Pocket watches were hot.


• Labor Unions strengthened (My Mom works for the Union)


• Women’s suffrage popped off


• Cocaine was made illegal (southern political officials claim that African Americans were getting hopped up on coke and taking pussy from white chicks)


• Merk files a patent for MDMA


• Lincoln logs were popular.

1920-1929

• Prohibition popped off


• which led to the onset of Racketeering and shit


• There was some jazz


• Women got looser….(possibly due to the jazz and illegal hooch


• The Stock Market crashed


• The great depression popped off (and if your poor and without booze, really, why bother).


• The Harlem renaissance. (Langston Hughes and such).

All of my 1920s knowledge comes from the movies “Hoodlums”, “Life” and the novel “The Great Gatsby”(which I really only skimmed).

1930-1939

• I’m pretty sure shit was still depressed….


• We got some great social programs like Social Security (which has now been shot to shit.)


• We gained the legal right to unionize


• Trains. A lot of people rode on trains


• and smoked cigarettes

I know dick about the 30’s. I think I got most of this from “Of Mice and Men” and “Atlas Shrugged”

1940-1949

• There was a war.. WWII (I think)


• Women went to work


• Smashing occurred when men returned (hence the baby boom)


• Sky scrapers were invented


• Rita Hayworth was popular


• Frozen dinners were also invented.

Please note that all of this came from “The Fountainhead”, “A League of their own”, and select parts of “The Shawshank redemption”.

1950-1959

• Okay, Bomb shelters


• Fashion that Eve adores…


• First attempts at equality in education


• Both Casseroles and the Suburbs became popular…. And shitty sitcoms.

I ain’t gonna lie…. This is all I know, based on 3 episode of “Quantum Leap” and that show “Ill Fly Away”. And maybe “Corrina Corrina” (my dad likes that movie).

1960-1969 (this should be slightly better)

• The Bay of Pigs


• Weed


• Hippies


• Promiscuous sex


• due in part to Oral Contraceptives


• Civil Rights


• Woodstock


• Acid and Mesculin


• Vietnam war


• Andy Warhol


• I am woman, hear me roar?


• Laugh in?


• Heroin use skyrockets due abuse during the Vietnam war.

Ok, it wasn’t that much better….


1970-1979

• Cocaine…. And lots of it


• Disco


• Weird Mustaches


• Porn, Weird 70’s Porn


• More cocaine


• Polyester


• Funk music?


• Ugly clothing


• Gay Sex in inappropriate places


• ......while on cocaine


• Reagan classifies drugs by classes so that , rather than passing a law to make a drug legal or illegal, presidents need only change it from one class to another.


• MDMA is used for couples therapy.

1980-1989

• Crack


• Just say no!


• AIDS


• Neon Clothing


• still cocaine


• Greedy stock market motherfuckers


• …..on Cocaine


• More bad sitcoms


• You could buy MDMA in nightclubs for 5 dollars, shortly after it is classified as Schedule 1 by hater ass politicians.

1990-1999

• Bored Motherfuckers in the Midwest make Meth. Lots of it.


• The Clinton years.


• Columbine?


• Grunge rock


• More AIDS


• Electronics got affordable and shit


• Jump rope for heart?


• Kids were over medicated


• I recall wearing A LOT of Denim


• There was a lot of sappy baby-makin type R&B music that came out.


• Movies got cooler and alternative.


• Gangster rap?


• I recall everything being X-treme!! Like sports, gum, Surge cola…(that shit was like liquid crack. XTREME!!!

As you can see, I have absolutely no fuckin sense of history. Not even of the years that I was alive. This is sad. Also, I think I will have to rethink my pro-public education stance cuz how the fuck did I even graduate….Perhaps private school is not so bad after all.

Also, much of my historic knowledge has to do with drug history. This is not indicative of personal knowledge. I blame that shit solely on these Drug culture documentaries that I am always sucked in by…. But damn those things are interesting….

Way more interesting than actual real history and definitely makes for more interesting drunk conversations…. Hands down.