The Exes that wouldnt die......
Originally posted on 10.02.2006
The Exes that wouldnt die......
At regular intervals I get phone calls. Calls from ghosts of years long past…Old dates/ex-boyfriends. I lump them into categories based on how often they call. I have 3 monthers, 6 monthers and annual callers.
These calls come at points in their lives when they are facing trepidation. Unsure of the future and questioning the past, they dial up my fucking number. They call me and they tell me how they are doing (I don't care).
Then inevitably they ask "What ever happened to us? We used to have good times. Why didn't we work out?"
The answer is simple….You Were An Asshole.
1. You were rude
2. You were indifferent (and I need more than that)
3. You were a pathological liar (and a bad one at that)
4. You cheated on me
5. You were always broke (and asking me for money)
6. You lacked ambition or
7. You aimed at creative exploits that you weren't talented enough to succeed at
8. You took me for granted
9. You thought you could do better (You can't, I overlooked your flaws. others wont be so generous)
10. You thought you were smarter than you actually were
11. You thought you looked better than you actually did
12. You thought you were great in bed (I faked it)
Please don't tell me:
How you know you were wrong
(I do too, that's why we're not together)
How you’re sorry
(Too little, too late. And yes, I agree. You are a sorry motherfucker)
How you miss me
(see 9 above)
How good we were together
(see 12)
How you need me
(Possibly, but I don't need you)
How you've matured
(Even if you did mature from the emotional infancy that you displayed when I met you, you would have to fucking evolve to get on my level)
That she couldn't compare to me
(Motherfucker, I know that! You were dumb to even try and replace me.)
How we were meant to be together
(If we were then why are you such an asshole?)
How you've never been able to move on
(Not my fucking problem.)
How it will be different this time…. (See 3.)
I hope this has cleared up any questions and perhaps brought you a bit of closure…. Please stop calling. Thanks….Oh yeah, and Stop the Bitchery!
At regular intervals I get phone calls. Calls from ghosts of years long past…Old dates/ex-boyfriends. I lump them into categories based on how often they call. I have 3 monthers, 6 monthers and annual callers.
These calls come at points in their lives when they are facing trepidation. Unsure of the future and questioning the past, they dial up my fucking number. They call me and they tell me how they are doing (I don't care).
Then inevitably they ask "What ever happened to us? We used to have good times. Why didn't we work out?"
The answer is simple….You Were An Asshole.
1. You were rude
2. You were indifferent (and I need more than that)
3. You were a pathological liar (and a bad one at that)
4. You cheated on me
5. You were always broke (and asking me for money)
6. You lacked ambition or
7. You aimed at creative exploits that you weren't talented enough to succeed at
8. You took me for granted
9. You thought you could do better (You can't, I overlooked your flaws. others wont be so generous)
10. You thought you were smarter than you actually were
11. You thought you looked better than you actually did
12. You thought you were great in bed (I faked it)
Please don't tell me:
How you know you were wrong
(I do too, that's why we're not together)
How you’re sorry
(Too little, too late. And yes, I agree. You are a sorry motherfucker)
How you miss me
(see 9 above)
How good we were together
(see 12)
How you need me
(Possibly, but I don't need you)
How you've matured
(Even if you did mature from the emotional infancy that you displayed when I met you, you would have to fucking evolve to get on my level)
That she couldn't compare to me
(Motherfucker, I know that! You were dumb to even try and replace me.)
How we were meant to be together
(If we were then why are you such an asshole?)
How you've never been able to move on
(Not my fucking problem.)
How it will be different this time…. (See 3.)
I hope this has cleared up any questions and perhaps brought you a bit of closure…. Please stop calling. Thanks….Oh yeah, and Stop the Bitchery!
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