Damn you and your untimely penis deliveries…..
Damn you and your untimely penis deliveries…..
About a year ago, I ordered penis. I ordered penis, to be delivered in 20 minutes or less with a two liter and bread sticks.
I received my delivery in 30 minutes; got my 2 liter and a bag of chips… it was a lil late for bread sticks…..
Not too shabby if I do say so myself.
They deliver groceries, medications, and all varieties of takeout food, so why the fuck can’t there be a 24hr penis delivery service.
I mean, I understand that the 24 hr thing might be an issue.
But there’s Viagra and I’m sure they could charge a night differential or something.
At Hampton, I attempted to start a stripping/escorting service utilizing the football and basketball teams (pretty sure this was a spinoff idea that came out of my conversation with the pimp who tried to convince me not to go to college).
This was ingenious. It’s like they had purchasing in mind when they made up sports. Peep this shit:
They are all some type of fit, whether we are just talking about straight up muscle or stamina. These motherfuckers are trained. Trianed and thick... I have yet to meet an athlete who didnt have a juicy ass booty.
Many of them stated that they could not strip. WTF ever…. Yall are trained in being trained to do shit. I can teach you how to clap your ass. It ain’t rocket science. Gravity, velocity… that shit is physics.
They already have BUILT IN order numbers on their Jerseys. Imagine.
They call up…*ring ring*
“Hampton Hardcocks…Can I take your order?”
“Ummm, yeah, I’d like to order number 5, number 23…
umm, hold on real quick…
VANESSA which one did you want?..
NO WE CANNOT SHARE, pick one!....
(sighs) ok and lemme get number 60…”
How simple is that?
Flat rate of 80 dollars an hour. I’m taking 70 percent and telling them strippin ass athletes that they are really only getting paid 50 an hour (cuz I’m an asshole). They get to keep the tips (so I hope they been practicing) and any *extra* side money that they opt into.
Hey, I can’t keep theses dudes from tricking off if they want to. Damn NCAA regulations shouldn’t keep these hoes from getting jobs. Desperate men do desperate things and if they wanna trick, I can’t stop em.
As Mobb Deep said “A Hoes gonna be a Hoe….”
Some might call it Pandering. I call it “work study”. You blow out a knee in your sophomore year or tear a fuckin ACL, you’re assed out…. But now you can full time clap your ass….And if you were paying attention, you might one day be able to take over when I retire.
That was mad tangential. Anyways, all Im saying is that we need a lookbook of available gentlemen for 24hr penis delivery in the DC/MD/VA area. You could even charge extra if you have your STD free card.
For the low, low price of $50, send me a photo, name, number and contact information and we can make this happen. It’ll be like an apartment guide book but for penises. Imagine. You, too, can be an entrepreneur and a small (or large) business owner and make your dreams and fantasies come to life today.
I shoulda fuckin majored in business.... C'est la vie
(I think I just endorsed male prostitution. Wow......maybe I should take a vacation.)
About a year ago, I ordered penis. I ordered penis, to be delivered in 20 minutes or less with a two liter and bread sticks.
I received my delivery in 30 minutes; got my 2 liter and a bag of chips… it was a lil late for bread sticks…..
Not too shabby if I do say so myself.
They deliver groceries, medications, and all varieties of takeout food, so why the fuck can’t there be a 24hr penis delivery service.
I mean, I understand that the 24 hr thing might be an issue.
But there’s Viagra and I’m sure they could charge a night differential or something.
At Hampton, I attempted to start a stripping/escorting service utilizing the football and basketball teams (pretty sure this was a spinoff idea that came out of my conversation with the pimp who tried to convince me not to go to college).
This was ingenious. It’s like they had purchasing in mind when they made up sports. Peep this shit:
They are all some type of fit, whether we are just talking about straight up muscle or stamina. These motherfuckers are trained. Trianed and thick... I have yet to meet an athlete who didnt have a juicy ass booty.
Many of them stated that they could not strip. WTF ever…. Yall are trained in being trained to do shit. I can teach you how to clap your ass. It ain’t rocket science. Gravity, velocity… that shit is physics.
They already have BUILT IN order numbers on their Jerseys. Imagine.
They call up…*ring ring*
“Hampton Hardcocks…Can I take your order?”
“Ummm, yeah, I’d like to order number 5, number 23…
umm, hold on real quick…
VANESSA which one did you want?..
NO WE CANNOT SHARE, pick one!....
(sighs) ok and lemme get number 60…”
How simple is that?
Flat rate of 80 dollars an hour. I’m taking 70 percent and telling them strippin ass athletes that they are really only getting paid 50 an hour (cuz I’m an asshole). They get to keep the tips (so I hope they been practicing) and any *extra* side money that they opt into.
Hey, I can’t keep theses dudes from tricking off if they want to. Damn NCAA regulations shouldn’t keep these hoes from getting jobs. Desperate men do desperate things and if they wanna trick, I can’t stop em.
As Mobb Deep said “A Hoes gonna be a Hoe….”
Some might call it Pandering. I call it “work study”. You blow out a knee in your sophomore year or tear a fuckin ACL, you’re assed out…. But now you can full time clap your ass….And if you were paying attention, you might one day be able to take over when I retire.
That was mad tangential. Anyways, all Im saying is that we need a lookbook of available gentlemen for 24hr penis delivery in the DC/MD/VA area. You could even charge extra if you have your STD free card.
For the low, low price of $50, send me a photo, name, number and contact information and we can make this happen. It’ll be like an apartment guide book but for penises. Imagine. You, too, can be an entrepreneur and a small (or large) business owner and make your dreams and fantasies come to life today.
I shoulda fuckin majored in business.... C'est la vie
(I think I just endorsed male prostitution. Wow......maybe I should take a vacation.)
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