Mindless dating questions answered.

Originally posted on 7.7.2007

Mindless dating questions answered.


Single isn't that bad. I like the freedom and until I can find someone else who values both me and their own freedom as well as my independence, I think I'll stay that way. I might die single but I'll probably have a cat. I guarantee you my cat won't call me at 2 am to ask me what Im doing or who I'm with... My Cat will know that it is none of their fucking business and that I need my space.

The one thing that I can't stand is the Questions. Always the same fucking questions. Most of them are annoying but some are downright intrusive.

So for all those who asked here are all the fucking questions and their corresponding answers:

1. Why are you single?
Ummm, lets be real, any answer i give to this question either ends up baggage laden (My ex's lied, cheated, etc) or ends up being a very shallow version of the truth (I like my freedom). One way or the other it barely scratches the surface and lets be real : do you really fucking care? Does it matter why Im single? Can't you just be happy with the fact that you want to have sex with me and that your desire could possibly come to fruition because i am in fact single. Why ask why.

2. What's your sign?
Once Again... Does it matter? What the fuck does this really tell you about me? Perhaps you should ask my major, my religious or political beliefs. That shit has got to be a better indicator of compatibility than what day and month i was born on.

3. How many men have you slept with?
LOL 8. That's my number and im sticking to it.

4. How many women have you slept with?
At this point (In my mind) Im certain that your masturbating and I've tuned out of the conversation all together.

5. Tell me about that scandalous sexual thing you did in your past.
Refer back to 4. Im a fairly private person. You have to know me to ask me dumb shit like that and even then I might not answer. SEX IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE. Why would I tell you about my first time, and better yet, why would you want to hear about that shit?

6. Will you do (fill in blank with random kinky sex act) to Me?
No. Whatever the blank is, the answer is no. & dont call me anymore.

7. Where do you live?
At this point, Im nervous and Im calling the cops.

8. Why don't you (fill in blank with personal life choice)?
How people have the audacity to question or criticize me because my life choices differ from theirs astounds me. Fuck you. I dont chastise you for smoking crack and pistol whipping babies... dont you dare question my life choices.

9. What's your type?
Honestly I am not shallow or superficial enough to only date one type of person. Male, female, tall, short, thin, stocky. Its funny because 2 people I've dated could look at photos of one another and be downright confused. There is no common physical denominator.
Be smart, funny, sarcastic, sane, employed, ambitious and independent. What you look like isn't half as sexy to me as who you are and trust me, your looks won't keep me around. Gotta have intellect. & spelling skills. Spelling is hot...

10.What do you like to do in bed?
WTF??? Are we having some type of internet cyber sex thing? None of your fucking business. On top of that, even asking that question shows me that you have absolutely no home training. Your mother is ashamed of you. You are a disappointment and you bring shame upon your family. You should end your life.

11. Will you come out to (fill in place more than 15 mins from my crib) to come and see me?
Depends. Are you paying for my gas? Are you sane? Have we been able to carry on a phone conversation without me hanging up on you repeatedly?
If the answer to all of these questions is yes.... the answer is still probably no. sorry. You could still be crazy.

12. Do you have more pics?
Yes. I have a lifetime of photos. Some with clothing. Some without. Some when I was lil and in the tub. But Myspace will only let me upload 16 and i dont care enough to figure out how to do a slide show so that you can fuck yourself while looking at 30 scrolling photos of me. Sorry. I work. You should try it sometime.

13. What do you like to do?
Stuff. Normal Ass Stuff. I like Naps. Long walks on the beach, nice meals. I like to see new places and try new things. I like baths. I like movies. This is a dumb ass generic fucking question. Any answer i give (other than snake wrestling or teaching a dominatrix strip yoga course at the Y) will probably be as boring for you to hear as it is for me to state. Damn. I do shit, Same shit as everyone else.

14. Where do you work?
Ill tell you my industry. Ill tell you if its in DC VA or MD. What company or street? Naw. My job, not unlike my home is much like the Bat Cave and if i told you, Id have to kill you.

15. Tell me about your ex.
read my blogs. Particularly July to Early December. You have nothing to worry about. He makes everyone look good by comparison. Even Joey Buttafucco. And that's hard...

If you can refrain from asking these questions Id appreciate it. If you cant, read thru the answers. It'll save us both some time.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I know delayed..but since referenced in other blog, I clicked back to enjoy it and laugh... I co sign to it all. And when dudes ask that many past relationship questions, it seems as though they are planning to be another ex. Let's just grow, shyt. That info will come out through getting to konw each other. Asking ALL your questions in the beginning, allow me to get bored and leave you be the next date.. be smart if you aren't.
Anonymous said…
Oh, and I can't spell///I'm still great :P

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