The Gigantic Oreo Adventure

7:30 am.
My phone rings. Im thinking its work… possibly telling me it’s a snow day (YAY!) or that the office has burned down but they still intend on paying me regularly anyway (Double yay!)….

No such luck.
Me: Hello?
Unidentified Caller: Hey Jeanetta.
Me: Hey, Who’s this?
Unidentified Caller: Eric (name has ofcourse been changed). We met at The Park.
Me: (Im a lil slow in the morning) Which Park?
Eric: THE PARK. The club.
Me: OHHHH! The Park. (That name is fucking confusing. My ass is thinkin Sligo Creek Park, Rock Creek Park, 106 and Park, What tha hell). Hey Whats up!!!
Eric: Chillin. Im in your neighborhood and me and my boys are throwing a party. Wanted to know if you wanted to come.
Me: Sure (I do love to party!). When?
Eric: Right now…..
Me: What tha fuck?
Eric: I work at a club… I don’t have to be back until 8.
Me: Well, Damn! Though I do love to party, I have to be to work in an hour. So I have to pass but hit me up later. Don’t do Coke! Love Ya, buh-bye!

Now in retrospect… my day might have been more interesting if I had…

My day consisted of the following:
  • I counted out exactly 214 floppy disks… (yes, Floppy disks, Motherfucker)


  • I made a spreadsheet.


  • I mailed some shit


  • I cursed because I fail to fully grasp XML and I want my fucking blogspot Blog up Now! I wanna move over these fucking old blogs.


  • My coworker and I argued about the accuracy of 2 R&B songs.
    Mr. Telephone Man by New Edition - I doubt that there was infact something wrong with his line… that bitch hung up on him.
    &
    Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli - Cuz there comes a point when you have to take personal responsibility for your breakups. Seriously. Though you could perhaps blame the fact that your phone isn’t working on the rain….


  • I made a gigantic Oreo cookie. Let me explain. I took six (6, yes S I X) Double Stuffed Oreos. I took the cookie part off all but two. I stacked up all the cream fillings and topped it off. So Six cream parts times two (cuz it was double stuffed).
    THAT IS 12 LAYERS OF FUCKING STUFFING
    That was a Dodeca Oreo…
    (Do signifying 2 and Deca being 10) a DoDeca Oreo.
    (As you can tell, this was my proudest achievement of the day)


  • I solidified my plans to purchase my shotgun and decided on a final location for my compound. Deborjha and New Haiku shall be allowed to accompany me. Still looking for a water purification specialist so that we don’t have to drink piss. (Message me if you qualify….)


  • I have decided that under no circumstances is it EVER acceptable for someone to attempt to shove their entire tongue into my ear canal. That is never ever a turn on. Ever.


  • I decided that Dogwoods are a poor man’s version of a Cherry Blossom….


  • I think its funny that I own tools, but no tool box. I keep my tools in a shoe box, yet I have an entire tackle box just for my makeup.


  • I think that crepes are weird. Nothing personal. I love the French. Just not srepes especially not cheesy or savory crepes….


  • Awkward sex is funny. Like when I look at you and you look at me and you know that I know that you have absolutely no fucking clue what you’re doing or where my clitoris is and you’re wondering if Imma say something or not.…..
    That shit cracks me up. (Thank god that hasn’t happened in a while.)


Actually, now that I think about it…… Today was A-Okay…. And I got 2 Corny movies in the mail yesterday so I guess I’m set. If I had to do it all over again id do shit exactly the same… Though I don’t think Ill ever eat an Oreo again. Ever.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recap with my Shrink and a Declaration of Singledom

I woke up this morning real sadlike. I woke up knowing that I would have to do something very difficult today. I was going to have to break up with my therapist.... Or at the very least stagger my appointments. See, my job changed my health care. The new shitty ass health care that they gave me is taken by virtually no one. Exhilarating. And right before xmas. Merry fucking xmas. I heart sanity and shit but I cannot afford to spend 2K a year to keep it. When I first walked into his office, I couldn't articulate what was wrong. I was upset but I couldn't say why. Nothing was wrong but Nothing was right either. I was extremely depressed. My gyno recommended that I take up jogging. Tip: When very depressed, do not attempt to jog as a remedy. It is impossible to jog while sobbing. (I speak from personal experience.) He took time. Never questioned me. Waited for me to learn to trust him and take down my guard. He never lectures and never judges. And He helped me immensely in ways t...
Read more

At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

Image
I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust. John Legend - Green Light So I went hard like Medusa staring at me I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory She said, What type of girl do you think I are The kind that you meet in a bar You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star No I'm a comet I just want you woman Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with 3, the one and only One thing you ain't considered I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it" Admit it You did it Let's hop a cab and split it I'm kiddin We both going to where you livin Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow. First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was. Dan scoops me, and I am running late as alw...
Read more

My heart vs. My head (Plus Haters, Hoe friends & Fluke bitches)

After getting back from NJ and seeing my dad, who is now out of the hospital with pending cardiologist visits, I have been bogged down with work, sleep, colds and the guy I like. I have also been slightly torn between what I feel I "should" say to him vs. what actually has a need to be verbalized in our current situation. We ain't got no rings... and no commitments (though we do get along well). The sex is.... Well just watch the video: Now, we haven't discussed exclusivity. I don't think there is an expectation that my vagina is strictly for him and tho I haven't slept with anyone else yet, a much welcome friend should be reemerging within the next week. I think we are functioning on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He don’t seem to want to ask, so I don’t really intend on telling. All I know is this: My heart says one thing... (like perhaps if I care about the sanctity and purity of this situation, I should keep my vag to myself.) My vagin...
Read more