The Gigantic Oreo Adventure

7:30 am.
My phone rings. Im thinking its work… possibly telling me it’s a snow day (YAY!) or that the office has burned down but they still intend on paying me regularly anyway (Double yay!)….

No such luck.
Me: Hello?
Unidentified Caller: Hey Jeanetta.
Me: Hey, Who’s this?
Unidentified Caller: Eric (name has ofcourse been changed). We met at The Park.
Me: (Im a lil slow in the morning) Which Park?
Eric: THE PARK. The club.
Me: OHHHH! The Park. (That name is fucking confusing. My ass is thinkin Sligo Creek Park, Rock Creek Park, 106 and Park, What tha hell). Hey Whats up!!!
Eric: Chillin. Im in your neighborhood and me and my boys are throwing a party. Wanted to know if you wanted to come.
Me: Sure (I do love to party!). When?
Eric: Right now…..
Me: What tha fuck?
Eric: I work at a club… I don’t have to be back until 8.
Me: Well, Damn! Though I do love to party, I have to be to work in an hour. So I have to pass but hit me up later. Don’t do Coke! Love Ya, buh-bye!

Now in retrospect… my day might have been more interesting if I had…

My day consisted of the following:

• I counted out exactly 214 floppy disks… (yes, Floppy disks, Motherfucker)



• I made a spreadsheet.



• I mailed some shit



• I cursed because I fail to fully grasp XML and I want my fucking blogspot Blog up Now! I wanna move over these fucking old blogs.



• My coworker and I argued about the accuracy of 2 R&B songs.
  Mr. Telephone Man by New Edition - I doubt that there was infact something wrong with his line… that bitch hung up on him.
  &
  Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli - Cuz there comes a point when you have to take personal responsibility for your breakups. Seriously. Though you could perhaps blame the fact that your phone isn’t working on the rain….



• I made a gigantic Oreo cookie. Let me explain. I took six (6, yes S I X) Double Stuffed Oreos. I took the cookie part off all but two. I stacked up all the cream fillings and topped it off. So Six cream parts times two (cuz it was double stuffed).
  THAT IS 12 LAYERS OF FUCKING STUFFING
  That was a Dodeca Oreo…
  (Do signifying 2 and Deca being 10) a DoDeca Oreo.
  (As you can tell, this was my proudest achievement of the day)
  



• I solidified my plans to purchase my shotgun and decided on a final location for my compound. Deborjha and New Haiku shall be allowed to accompany me. Still looking for a water purification specialist so that we don’t have to drink piss. (Message me if you qualify….)



• I have decided that under no circumstances is it EVER acceptable for someone to attempt to shove their entire tongue into my ear canal. That is never ever a turn on. Ever.



• I decided that Dogwoods are a poor man’s version of a Cherry Blossom….



• I think its funny that I own tools, but no tool box. I keep my tools in a shoe box, yet I have an entire tackle box just for my makeup.



• I think that crepes are weird. Nothing personal. I love the French. Just not srepes especially not cheesy or savory crepes….



• Awkward sex is funny. Like when I look at you and you look at me and you know that I know that you have absolutely no fucking clue what you’re doing or where my clitoris is and you’re wondering if Imma say something or not.…..
  That shit cracks me up. (Thank god that hasn’t happened in a while.)

Actually, now that I think about it…… Today was A-Okay…. And I got 2 Corny movies in the mail yesterday so I guess I’m set. If I had to do it all over again id do shit exactly the same… Though I don’t think Ill ever eat an Oreo again. Ever.