Penis Geography... Is your dick worth the drive?

Gas prices are crazy. I mean really crazy. When gas was cheaper, traveling around to visit a "friend" was no big deal. You get in the car and just ride out.

Now, it is necessary to be alittle more cost concious and weed out those who are geographically undesirable.

Geographically undesirable is defined by urban dictionary.com as

“Someone who you would like to date, but the fact that they live so darn far away is a problem.”

I think its important to determine how far is too far. You have to know what your breaking point is.

A simple geographical desirability equation (as defined by me) is:
(Distance/Mpg your car receives) x Price of gas per gallon + time costs.

Time costs are determined by finding out your hourly worth (according to your pay divided by length of pay period) and multiplying that by how long it takes you to get there. You also want to take into account the return trip.

Let’s take Thickness for instance:

She is downright geographically undesirable. She lives 213 miles away. My car gets 32mpg on the highway. Gas is like $3.30. And my motherfuckin time is worth roughly 20 dollars an hour and it takes about 3 and a half hours to get there.

So here it goes.
(213 miles/ 32 mpg) x $3.30 +($20 an hour x 3.5) = $91.00. Multiply by 2 and it costs me roughly 200 dollars to see Thickness.


Everyone has to determine their own breaking point. I figure, if it’s cheaper for me to hire a “sex worker” than to drive to visit your ass….. Shit. That’s a simple ass answer right there. And $200 dollars buys a lot of man whore.

Man whore penis is normally free and can easily be convinced to deliver itself…

Man whores serve their purposes…

Side note: I like to refer to manwhores as “70 buses”. As in “Your dick has been up and down Georgia Ave. more than the 70 bus…"

I digress.

High transportation costs due to geographical undesirability can be offset by a variety of factors.

• Originality/ spontaneity – We ladies like surprises…. Nuff said
  
  
• Signature moves – If you have a special trick, that definitely wins you bonus points. If your special trick is amazing, You get the 2 thumbs up stamp of approval.
  
  
• Positive referrals – You’d be amazed how far positive referrals can take you.
  
  
• Consistency – If you are only sometimes on point and other times you slack off on your dick duties, trust that someone is duly noting your lack of consistency. This consequently will effect your referral rating…
  
  
• Reliability – If you cannot be relied on to make it to scheduled appointments…. We note that. You will forever be double booked and you will have to be prepared to get bumped if you cannot be punctual.
  
  
• Ease of scheduling – If you’re only free at 2:30 am on Tuesday… That’s a huge strike against you….
  
  
• Shit talking… - We like shit talking……
  
  
• Smile factor – Ill drive further if you can make me smile….

You definitely have to differentiate yourself. You cant just be the regular old run of the mill asshole. I have 3 assholes who deliver themselves within the NW quadrant as we speak. You gotta bring something else to the party than just dick and bubble gum. I think it also helps if you live in a neighborhood where I need to pickup something. That way I can combine trips and conserve gas.


Personally, the fact that I have a DVD player in my car makes it a little different. I want to drive around just for the hell of it, at this point. I will drive further, just so I can finish watching Season 3 of Sex and the City…

Note: My driving to see you is no indication of my enjoyment of you… Sometimes I just wanna wrap up whatever the fuck I'm watching and driving to your place takes up just enough time for me to accomplish that. I'm just say in tho.