Keep playin wit me! You might mess round and get fucked....
This last week was incredibly rough. The fact that I managed to get through it is a gift from god.
FUCK Patron! Anyways.... On with the "Randoms". ENJOY:
You know how they have those 2 packs of videos….There’s always one you want and one you fucking don’t. For instance:
My old sheets were 400 thread count. Time for an upgrade. I gots a good job and a bed. Imma need like a thousand thread count or some ballerific type shit like that.
2 grown ass men should never dance face to face. Friday night at the club, Kevin Little’s “Turn me on” came on. 2 Kappas decided that it was acceptable to dance face to face. It, in fact, was not. That shit, that shit right there….. looked mad sweet (Chris and Giles concurred.). Deep down, it definitely had me feelin some kinda way. Actually quite a few things had me feeling some kinda way this weekend.
Short list of shit that had me feelin some kinda way
The dissonance of having 2 violin players to the right of me and bumping hip hop in front of me had me feeling some kinda way
The drunk white guy who asked me to take him upstairs to his apartment and make sweet, sweet love to him had me feelin some kinda way.
The fact that he called me a menthol angel… had me feelin some kinda way.
When I ask a simple question and get a dissertation back… That shit had me feelin some kinda way.
Boys who don’t shut up. Yup, you guessed it. Recently have had me feelin some kinda way.
The time I was in a dreamweaver training for work and Becky got an answer right. One of our coworkers called Becky a “G”. When black people try to make white people feel included in the Hip Hop culture….. That makes me feel some kinda way. The fact that Becky proceeded to “Bankhead bounce” also made me feel some kinda way. And let me know that I needed a new fuckin job.
Tee-shirts I need: (not sure if they make these or not, but id really love it if they did)
Every time I leave my house for work in the morning, I feel like Mary Tyler Moore. Strangely enough, I have never watched the actual show. Just the intro.
Shit I learned from Aerosmith songs.
“Lifes a journey not a destination.”
“Let the right ones out. Kept the wrong ones in.”
“Now there's not even breathin' room Between pleasure and pain
.
I do not enjoy basketball. The shorts are too loose, there’s no tackling and most basketball players that I have spent any time around were not the sharpest crayons in the box…. Baseball is worse tho. True the pants are tight, and there is a lil tackling…. But that shit takes forever. That shit is long like the “Roots” mini series. If you have to have beer, popcorn and the wave to make some shit entertaining… why bother.
If you are over 16 and you ain’t never had a threessome, just kill yourself now. Like if you’re still waitin 4 that shit to pop off, you’re a lame! Real talk.
I believe that everytime I get turned on and don’t have an orgasm, my likelihood of developing Ovarian Cancer increases by 3%. That means that some of you motherfuckers are actively tryin to kill me. That shit is like premeditated murder.
Apparently I am club alcoholic. I am so not proud of this last week and by Wednesday, it wasn’t even fun anymore.I didn't lose panties but I did lose my car and spent most of Thursday apologizing to people for the ignorant shit I said Wednesday night.
Sidenote: when I'm drunk apparently I really like 2 let people know that if they keep playin round they might get fucked.
In the 80s, I wanted to give Bobby Brown the drawz. Now I wanna give Lil Wayne tha drawz. Apparently I gotta thing 4 crackheads. If you smoke rocks, it greatly increases your chance of being with me.
Friday, I wanted to "give up and try that crystal meth I heard so much about." My coworker said all I needed was valium and a cigarette. I disagreed. A Xanax woulda helped but after that shit wears off, then where the fuck imma be at? Same shit, different day. Crystal meth switches the game up. New shit different day. Fuck regular problems. Now I got a drug problem.... O
ther problems pale in comparison.
Id be like this: “Oh you don't like me? FUCK YOU. If your name aint “Meth”, I don't give a damn!”
Dudes be coveting pussy. If you know that shit is killer, share and share alike. If I know some shit is killer, I let tha world know. Nasty* in college.... Gave the best head ever.... I told everybody on my hall. Matter of fact I told my whole dorm. Them cuties know the deal. Nasty could suck the chrome right off a trailer hitch. And I let the entire world know....
Here is what Nasty did with my clitoris: He kidnapped my clit, took it to Sweden, massaged it, then whipped it, then massaged it again, rubbed it wit lotion sent it back first class, had a car scoop it from the airport and had the driver give it a popsicle and then dropped it off safe and sound....
My brain has just about given up. I am not leaving my fuckin house all week. I hurt and I’m tired. I want to burn my phone, cuz I hate people. Thank you and good night.
*name changed in a half assed attempt to protect bullshit anonimity and keep me from getting sued for libel.
FUCK Patron! Anyways.... On with the "Randoms". ENJOY:
You know how they have those 2 packs of videos….There’s always one you want and one you fucking don’t. For instance:
- Bill and Ted- ok & Dude where's my car?... Umm No.
- Big Trouble in Little China Town….Cool (I fucks wit Lo-pan) & Flight of the Phoenix (BOOOO!!!).
- Thelma and Louise...alright. & The Banger Sisters (Why dear god? Why? Goldie Hawn is not hot anymore. Its just sad).
My old sheets were 400 thread count. Time for an upgrade. I gots a good job and a bed. Imma need like a thousand thread count or some ballerific type shit like that.
2 grown ass men should never dance face to face. Friday night at the club, Kevin Little’s “Turn me on” came on. 2 Kappas decided that it was acceptable to dance face to face. It, in fact, was not. That shit, that shit right there….. looked mad sweet (Chris and Giles concurred.). Deep down, it definitely had me feelin some kinda way. Actually quite a few things had me feeling some kinda way this weekend.
Short list of shit that had me feelin some kinda way
The dissonance of having 2 violin players to the right of me and bumping hip hop in front of me had me feeling some kinda way
The drunk white guy who asked me to take him upstairs to his apartment and make sweet, sweet love to him had me feelin some kinda way.
The fact that he called me a menthol angel… had me feelin some kinda way.
When I ask a simple question and get a dissertation back… That shit had me feelin some kinda way.
Boys who don’t shut up. Yup, you guessed it. Recently have had me feelin some kinda way.
The time I was in a dreamweaver training for work and Becky got an answer right. One of our coworkers called Becky a “G”. When black people try to make white people feel included in the Hip Hop culture….. That makes me feel some kinda way. The fact that Becky proceeded to “Bankhead bounce” also made me feel some kinda way. And let me know that I needed a new fuckin job.
Tee-shirts I need: (not sure if they make these or not, but id really love it if they did)
- Can I fuck your friend?
- NEGATIVE, (on back) What’s your status?
- Penis!
- I’m not that guy.
- If the universe was fair, you would have been swooped up by a pterodactyl and dropped into a volcano by now.
- Crack rocks!
- I’m not bitchy. You’re just a moron.
- I lied. No, I didn’t cum. Yes, it is small. Yeah I had done that before. No, you’re not the best.
- Stop the bitchery.
- Why are you still talking?
- Never trust a big butt and a smile.
- I give up. I’m bout to go try that crystal meth that I heard so much about.
- Gay, straight, bi? (on the back) Naw, just greedy.
- Every other city we go, every other vi-de-o
(It's all about you)
No matter where I go, I see the same hoe - Keep playin wit me! You might mess round and get fucked....
- You win some, you lose some and sometimes if you’re lucky (or if you’re me) you get to fuck professional athletes...
- Bomb ass pussy - I got references.
- I’ll break your back. Just ask yo friend.
- I do what I can cuz I can. You don't cuz you can't. Go cry bitch.
- Preserving the sexy daily…
- I’m all about the exchange of thoughts and ideas. Give me a call if you manage to have either.
Every time I leave my house for work in the morning, I feel like Mary Tyler Moore. Strangely enough, I have never watched the actual show. Just the intro.
Shit I learned from Aerosmith songs.
“Lifes a journey not a destination.”
“Let the right ones out. Kept the wrong ones in.”
“Now there's not even breathin' room Between pleasure and pain
.
I do not enjoy basketball. The shorts are too loose, there’s no tackling and most basketball players that I have spent any time around were not the sharpest crayons in the box…. Baseball is worse tho. True the pants are tight, and there is a lil tackling…. But that shit takes forever. That shit is long like the “Roots” mini series. If you have to have beer, popcorn and the wave to make some shit entertaining… why bother.
If you are over 16 and you ain’t never had a threessome, just kill yourself now. Like if you’re still waitin 4 that shit to pop off, you’re a lame! Real talk.
I believe that everytime I get turned on and don’t have an orgasm, my likelihood of developing Ovarian Cancer increases by 3%. That means that some of you motherfuckers are actively tryin to kill me. That shit is like premeditated murder.
Apparently I am club alcoholic. I am so not proud of this last week and by Wednesday, it wasn’t even fun anymore.I didn't lose panties but I did lose my car and spent most of Thursday apologizing to people for the ignorant shit I said Wednesday night.
Sidenote: when I'm drunk apparently I really like 2 let people know that if they keep playin round they might get fucked.
In the 80s, I wanted to give Bobby Brown the drawz. Now I wanna give Lil Wayne tha drawz. Apparently I gotta thing 4 crackheads. If you smoke rocks, it greatly increases your chance of being with me.
Friday, I wanted to "give up and try that crystal meth I heard so much about." My coworker said all I needed was valium and a cigarette. I disagreed. A Xanax woulda helped but after that shit wears off, then where the fuck imma be at? Same shit, different day. Crystal meth switches the game up. New shit different day. Fuck regular problems. Now I got a drug problem.... O
ther problems pale in comparison.
Id be like this: “Oh you don't like me? FUCK YOU. If your name aint “Meth”, I don't give a damn!”
Dudes be coveting pussy. If you know that shit is killer, share and share alike. If I know some shit is killer, I let tha world know. Nasty* in college.... Gave the best head ever.... I told everybody on my hall. Matter of fact I told my whole dorm. Them cuties know the deal. Nasty could suck the chrome right off a trailer hitch. And I let the entire world know....
Here is what Nasty did with my clitoris: He kidnapped my clit, took it to Sweden, massaged it, then whipped it, then massaged it again, rubbed it wit lotion sent it back first class, had a car scoop it from the airport and had the driver give it a popsicle and then dropped it off safe and sound....
My brain has just about given up. I am not leaving my fuckin house all week. I hurt and I’m tired. I want to burn my phone, cuz I hate people. Thank you and good night.
*name changed in a half assed attempt to protect bullshit anonimity and keep me from getting sued for libel.
Comments
Meth, not cool. Ever.
T shirts, will steal a few & will tell u mine off the blog.
Stop doing shyt that doesn't make u happy... Waste of time.
Haven't had a threesome, don't really want one, but offered monthly. Do I still have to kill myself?
Like ur weekend drunk, I'm a weekend lactose consumer. I gotta give that up 100%.