Things I lost in the divorce.

Things I lost in the divorce.

Breakups are never easy. The longer the relationship, the more you stand to lose….

Whenever I go through an especially difficult breakup, I call that shit a “divorce”.

Case in point: Ever known a couple who was going through a breakup and had to sit around arguing about visitation rights for their dog?

When shit gets to that point, that shit has escalated beyond a mere breakup into what I would deem to count as a divorce. I mean, if you are figuring out who gets what and arguing over it, that shit is more serious than just a breakup.

Whenever a relationship that involves cohabitation comes to an end, someone is about to seriously lose some shit, real talk. You never know when some shit will fall apart and next thing you know, you just lost the scarf your grandmother gave you before she passed away. This is why I try to make a point not to leave shit, ever.

The best methods I have found are

1. Don’t bring a lot of shit over. What the fuck do you need your entire DVD collection for? Leave that shit at home and only bring the essentials.



2. If you can't bear to live without it, don’t bring it. Anything that I bring over, I am willing to part with if I have to.



3. Know when to cut your loses. Sometimes you leave some shit that you really want back…. You could pursue getting this shit back, but take the time and evaluate the sentimental worth of this shit. Is the constant annoyance of dealing with your ex worth it? If so, pursue ahead. Otherwise cut your losses and keep it moving.



4. For late night rendezvous, employ the pile method: First off, put your socks in your shoes, then fold your pants (put panties in the pocket for safekeeping, if necessary), put additional undergarments and shirt on top of that shit. This ensures that you won't leave some shit behind.
   
   I formulated this method after a long night upon which, waking up in the morning, my homegirl was unable to find her panties. We had to leave the panties, ended up late to breakfast and got cursed out. Hence the pile method. (I love all 100 some odd pairs of my underwear entirely too much to just leave them somewhere.)
   
   
5. Realize when “you got off cheap”. David has a saying that goes – “You got off cheap”. This is a valuable lesson that it took me a while to learn. I was chasing after my ex for some shit he owed me and after talking with David I realized that:

• A) He could keep that shit, because


• B) The fact that I escaped that relationship without a criminal record, an STD, a child and/or fucked up credit was a miracle and I truly did “Get off cheap”.

All in all, sometimes you lose thing. I have had to relinquish quite a few things in breakups which is how I developed the list you just read in the first place. Sometimes you lose, sometimes you gain. Its kind of a toss up.

Here are some things I lost (and some things I gained) in divorces :

My big heartbreak :


• Lost-
  Several thousand dollars
  A decent portion of my sanity
  and all of my respect for myself.



• Gained-
  A sense of my own worth,
  The key to his car,
  And the ability to make or break someone’s entire day via text message in 160 characters or less.

NICK:


• Lost-
  The following movies-“Any Given Sunday”, “The Program” The entire first season of “Playmakers”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Bad Santa”.
  A Big Ass Foreman grill
  and A Crock Pot.
  
  
• Gained-
  Some Nice Art
  A diamond bracelet
  An MP3 Player.

Steve: (Now by this time I’d learned that I didn’t really want to lose anymore shit. Therefore I got smarter and this list is shorter.)


• Lost
  My Fema tee shirt that said : “FEMA Evacuation Plan: Run Bitch, Run!”
  
  
• Gained
  His Kenya Bracelet
  A book of his Poems
  Possibly a crappy world music CD
  and Enough anger to write this blog : Shit that’s not gonna fucking fly.

As you can see, the older I get, the more I learned not to leave/lose shit. If you gotta go through a divorce, make it your goal to ensure that your gain list is longer than your lost list and if it can’t be longer, make sure that it includes high dollar items……

Like a house or some kind of convertible or half of someone’s assets….

Divorce hurts, but so do bullets and hot grits. Why not try to offset that shit?
HIT THAT MOTHERUCKER UP FOR COMPENSATORY DAMAGES!

It’s like taking a bullet.
Why let somebody shoot you in the abdomen, if you can take a bullet in the arm instead?

I’m just sayin….