RANDOMS!!!!

RANDOMS!
  • Anytime I see any church spread out on a big ass piece of land with more than 3 buildings, I assume that whatever organization that is, is really a cult and that the big ass plot of land constitutes their "Compound".


  • When asked a question, my default answer is no. I find that declining is often the best answer.....
    For instance: “Can I stick ants up your ass?”
    NO!
    Always a safe bet.


  • Nextel is by far the shittiest phone service ever. I called a Nextel user and they told me in both English and Spanish to "Please hold while the Nextel subscriber you are trying to reach is located". You know the service is shitty when they have to be bilingual when they tell you they suck.


  • If someone attempts to have sex with you without a condom, you should sincerely ask yourself "What god awful disease this person have that they don't give a fuck about the chance of catching some new shit." Assume AIDS and run away.


  • I have a rating scale of STD's:
    1. 1st tier STD's: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, crabs and Trichomoniasis. (all easily cured)

    2. 2nd tier STD's : Herpes, Genital warts and Syphilis (Syphilis can kill your ass and the other two stick with you)

    3. 3rd tier STD's : HIV.(for obvious reasons).

    Tier 1 is a pain in the ass and kinda embarrassing but I'll take tier 1 over 2 or 3 any day.


  • Some people can smoke socially. I am not one of them. One puff of a Newport and I go off the deep end. Next thing I know, I'm Sucking dick in back alleys for Cohebas.


  • I don't have kids because I am a big believer that if you want some shit, you should ask for it and kids can't vocalize shit. "Use your words Motherfucker, Use Your words!!!" I have killed numerous Killed cacti. I am unfit to care for things that cannot speak.


  • Penis is not the end all and be all of the world. It is not a jack hammer. I am completely capable of withholding all facial expressions and audible sounds, just to piss you off and make you question your man hood. My Orgasms are optional. I can opt out or you can fuck it up for me. Get too cocky and I will hold back and look bored and or comatose while you bust out your best moves trying to get some kind of reaction.... Cuz I'm hateful.


  • People say you should live like today is your last…. Fuck that. I live like I’m gonna see tomorrow. Cuz I want to be able to live with the consequences of what I do today, just in case I don’t die.


  • Learn from your mistakes….So you can make all new ones tomorrow. Making the same old mistakes gets boring after a while.

Comments

Anonymous said…
someone needs to get that book deal pushing for you.i've been catching up alll day on your blog. i feel like the ultimate blog dickrider, but i'm pushing my shame to the side dammit and reading the rest!
26/11/08 8:04 PM
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