Can I fuck your friend?

Sharing is caring. Really, It is.

Hypothetical situation: Say I date someone….And it doesn’t work out. Awkward silences, incompatible senses of humor, differing values, goals and ambitions. Shit happens, right? Say that same someone who I dated has a friend and I think that the friend is cute. Social convention says that I shouldn’t have sex with this friend.

I ask you now, is this really fair?

There is a fantastic Baltimore club song called "Can I Fuck your Friend?" by DJ K-Swift.

The lyrics go like this:

I wanna fuck you, but if I fuck you, Can I fuck your friend?

Why is this slogan not on tee shirts and ball caps? I would buy one (well, not the ball cap… I hate hat hair).

Let me give some historical insight into the inspiration for this rant:

I had a friend several years ago…. Lets call him “Carlos” (as always, I change names to protect guilty haters). “Carlos” and I were strictly platonic. He wanted more, I most definitely didn’t. But for some reason every last one of his friends was hot. EVERY LAST ONE!!! Like a veritable goldmine; a cornucopia of hotness, if you will…

So I asked for a hookup…. And it was a No-Go… There was no guiding of the cock in this scenario. It was a clear cut case of cock blocking (or perhaps twat blocking if you wanna get technical). If we NEVER had sex, I should most definitely be free and clear to fuck AT LEAST ONE of your hot friends. Or better yet, all of your hot friends. All at once….

Whatever. That would have been a good look. Where I come from, man hateration and blockage is a Sin… it fits in somewhere between Lust and Greed. Squint hard, it’s not written out but it’s definitely implied.

If I date someone and it doesn’t work out and I’m through with them, I give positive referrals and slide numbers to my home girls. It’s a good look.

I know my friends. I know what they like. And I know the people I used to chill with. I know their skill sets, strong points, levels of expertise and areas that could use work. Who is better qualified to hook my girls up with something they will appreciate?

Eve says it’s like getting cute shoes; we like to show them off and share the wealth. If I go shopping and I see something I know Eve will like, I definitely give her a call.

Same with penis scouting. If I am through with it, I pass it on. Everyone should do the same. If you enjoyed and you are through, DON’T BE STINGY. Bless a friend.

It’s like recycling…. Pitch in, Recycle and Reuse your booty calls. Share.

If you do your job right, they’ll thank you. Both of them will thank you. And your home girl will owe you a future solid. Win/Win.

All I know is this – If you’re reading this and you think this might apply to you GIVE YOUR HOT FRIEND MY NUMBER.

If you’re reading this and you’re the hot friend and you think I might be talking about you…. Email me. Cuz I think your hot….and additionally I know that you think I’m hot too. Saw it in your left eye. Hit me up.

As to the previously mentioned “Carlos” with the hot friends scenario…..

Well, lets just say, I don’t like taking no for an answer. I am hard headed, head strong and spoiled. When I don’t get handed the things that I want, I go after what I want.
I am not going to kiss and tell but lets just say in the end:

• I ended up with a bruised tailbone


• Mysterious scratches on my knuckles


• A random bite mark from a stranger (I think he was from Orlando)


• I almost got arrested (this seems to be a growing trend in recent years)


• I cussed out and threatened to sue a 7-11 employee


• I had a 4 am convo about the inception of housing projects as a means of affordable housing & the transition toward mixed income housing with market value rent subsidizing reduced rents for lower income tenants.(yeah, I did. so what.)


• I almost got kicked out of a car on the highway at 3 am

But like everything else in my life, it was well worth it. And if I could do it all again, I totally would. No Regrets.



And as always, keep in mind: "It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."