You're Not as Freaky as You Think You are.

The Economics of Penis and why you’re not as freaky as you thought you were.

Pussy is a commodity. Always has been, always will be.

Men buy pussy. They also buy anus sometimes but that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, I have this theory: Nothing would have ever been accomplished by Men in this world had it not be for the pursuit of vagina.

No wars would have been fought, no lights invented, Not a dollar made and best believe there would be no Wall Street.

Pussy makes the world go round. You can try and argue this but I think it holds true. Men move out of their parents houses, get nice cars, clothes and jobs, all for pussy.

If it wasn't for pussy, they would all be sitting around in dirty smiley face boxers with their dicks hanging out of the slit watching TV in their mother's basements.

Jay-Z said it best when he said:

The power of the P-U-S-S-Y,
Thatz why every mutherfucka in the world dress fly.
Every baller that can afford it they cop the best ride, for the power of the P-U-S-S-Y

Penis- not so much of a commodity. Let me explain

Penis is less of a commodity because Penis is always readily available. Penis is constantly offered. And because penis is constantly being offered, the market is flooded. Demand cannot keep up with the surplus dick supply. The worth of penis is down.

If Pussy is the genital equivalent of the Euro, then the penis is the US Dollar.

To correct this devaluing of penis, the smart thing to do would be for Men to get together and go on penis strike. Keep the penis all to yourselves!

Supply dries up, demand increases and the value of penis goes up exponentially.

The problem with this is that there is little to no incentive to stick to the deal.

The thought process is as follows:
"Hey, while everyone else is holding out on dick, Ill give it up and get all the pussy!"

The incentive to cheat is high.

So, you give it up and so does everyone else and penis is worthless once again.

Penis needs a solid marketing campaign. What you have to do is differentiate your penis from other penises out there.

1. First off, Every time you have sex, go into that shit like its a job and you're still on your probationary period.
   Conduct yourself like you're under constant review because you are and at any moment your job performance could be deemed unacceptable and you could get laid off. Go into that shit determined.



2. Realize that someone is always trying to take your spot.
   There is always someone in the wings willing to go that extra mile, and what you won't do, the next motherfucker will.



3. Recognize technological advances.
   The sex toy industry has stepped it up in recent years. They've made dick that's actually better than real dick. They make dick so good, you get distracted and skip class, miss work and fake sick to get out of social engagements just to hang out with your fake penis.
   Think of all the things fake penis can't do… This is where you can fit in. It’s all about recognizing a need and filling it.



4. Diversify.
   Be freaky. Vanilla shit is not going to make you stand out in the overcrowded market of Penis. Best if you can find a niche market and peddle your dick there.



5. Realize that it's a new Era.
   Freaky ain’t what it used to be. Ever since R. Kelly peed on that fifteen year old, golden showers are not freaky anymore. Food- Not freaky either.
   
   And if you don't eat ass….
   
   Well, there are middle-schoolers who eat ass, so if you're not down to go there, do not advertise yourself as freaky. Even Autoerotic Asphyxiation is pretty common place in this day in age.

If you’re thinking to yourself, "I know freaky! I've read those Zane books." Let me state for the record - Zane is not freaky. Animalism is freaky.

I feel like, it doesn't really count as freaky unless it is something too freaky for me to consider doing. I have been developing a list of what I consider freaky (i.e. shit that I won't do)

The list used to consist of these three things in any combination: Albinos, Amputees, Midgets.

But the list has definitely expanded with the help of Freak Glossary. If you plan on marketing yourself as a freak and you don't do any of these, that shit is false advertising.
Point blank….

Sex is OFFICALLY freaky if it involves any of the following.(alphabetically listed)

• Animalism -Fetish in which a consenting adult plays and behaves as an animal.
  
• Bastinado -The whipping of the soles of the feet.
  
• Brachioprotic Eroticism -A deep form of fisting where the arm enters the anus
  
• Branding -To burn or scar the skin.
  
• Candaulism - When a spouse watches their partner having sex with other.
  
• Cock and Ball Torture. - self explanatory.
  
• Cocktail - Drinking of body secretions from a glass.
  
• Coprophilia - Sexual interest in feces (shit).
  
• Ear Pulling - The ears are pulled till it becomes painful.
  
• Enema - An apparatus used to cause evacuation by pumping water or inserting a chemical into the rectum.
  
• Foot Job - Rubbing feet on the penis, usually until ejaculation.
  
• Formicophillia - Sex play with ants.
  
• Golden Enema - Urinating into an open anus.
  
• Golden Screw - When a man urinates inside a woman during intercourse.
  
• Infantilism - A fetish practice where an adult role-plays being an infant, wearing baby clothing and sometimes being disciplined by a mother figure.
  
• Kick-Fucking - The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
  
• Lactiphilia - Arousal from lactating breasts.
  
• Looner - A balloon fetishist. Looners use balloons in sex play with partners, but more often, prefer simply humping the balloons themselves.
  
• Mysophilia - Arousal from soiled clothing or foul odors.
  
• Nasolingus - Arousal from sucking nose of partner.
  
• Ophidiophilia - Arousal from snakes.
  
• Paraphilia - A sexual obsession, usually over an object or sex act.
  
• Piquerism - A psychosexual disorder in which one finds pleasure in penetrating one’s body with sharp objects
  
• Podophilia - Arousal from feet.
  
• Renifluer - A person who gets off on sniffing panties.
  
• Roman Shower - Vomiting on partner, usually after drinking urine.
  
• Scat - Sex play involving shit
  
• Tyler -The act of placing one's foot into another's anus

Some of this shit… This shit right here…. Some of this shit is so freaky that I never even heard of it before. If anyone did this any of this shit in front of me, first I would run, then I would vomit. But I wouldn’t ever be able to say that that shit isn’t freaky.

And in case there was any doubt:
Threesomes- No longer freaky.
Orgies- No longer freaky
Public masturbation – Nasty and really rude but not freaky.
Sexy with dogs- Nasty. And Freaky. And Illegal. In that order.

Don't misunderstand, I’m not endorsing any of these. But it’s a competitive market out there. Do what you gotta do. But don’t sit around advertising yourself as a freak and then claiming that you don’t eat ass. Cuz if you don’t eat ass, you’re still having average run of the mill sex and there’s middle-schoolers who’d laugh at your square non-salad tossing ass right now.