Smooshed (The Breakup Chronicles)

Lesson learned: After 9 years of dating, I still know absolutely nothing about men.

I would love to say that I have learned to pick someone who is gentle with my heart… not sure about that. My heart feels eternally smooooooshed. Like it got ran over by a big truck. And then backed over again. And I feel like, last time I gave up on dating, I felt much the same way. So I guess its back to square one. Cuz I don’t think I can manage to weather feeling like this again.

And the lessons of last Easter are all fairly relevant.

  • Forgiveness is a gift. It’s a gift for whomever you are forgiving but moreover it is a gift for yourself because until you forgive, you’re going stuck in the same fucked up mentality that whatever the other person did stuck you into in the first place.

  • If you are talking to your home girl for 2 hours about how you are OVER it…. You are blatantly not over it.

  • All women hate feeling discarded.


Honestly the entire post is relevant but these ring especially true to me today, right now.

Some days are better than others. Yesterday I was very happy. Today, not so much so.

I can’t quite manage to eat anything and have resigned myself to the “Nicole Ritchie” look and I know I’m getting sick because of it and that I should care enough to take care of myself, but I cannot muster the energy to do that right now. I’m not really sure where to go or what to do today. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. Perhaps not.



My dad says breakups are like a death in the family. But they are worse, in a way. Cuz when people die, they didn’t have a choice to leave. Breakups are wholly about free will. The other person could be there. They are just choosing not to be. And as the 30 year old women put it on Easter. “All women hate feeling discarded”.

Here is a link to relationship shit that I wrote previously, as I am out of words for today.
Relationship whatever…


“I just want my friend back”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recap with my Shrink and a Declaration of Singledom

I woke up this morning real sadlike. I woke up knowing that I would have to do something very difficult today. I was going to have to break up with my therapist.... Or at the very least stagger my appointments. See, my job changed my health care. The new shitty ass health care that they gave me is taken by virtually no one. Exhilarating. And right before xmas. Merry fucking xmas. I heart sanity and shit but I cannot afford to spend 2K a year to keep it. When I first walked into his office, I couldn't articulate what was wrong. I was upset but I couldn't say why. Nothing was wrong but Nothing was right either. I was extremely depressed. My gyno recommended that I take up jogging. Tip: When very depressed, do not attempt to jog as a remedy. It is impossible to jog while sobbing. (I speak from personal experience.) He took time. Never questioned me. Waited for me to learn to trust him and take down my guard. He never lectures and never judges. And He helped me immensely in ways t...
Read more

At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

Image
I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust. John Legend - Green Light So I went hard like Medusa staring at me I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory She said, What type of girl do you think I are The kind that you meet in a bar You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star No I'm a comet I just want you woman Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with 3, the one and only One thing you ain't considered I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it" Admit it You did it Let's hop a cab and split it I'm kiddin We both going to where you livin Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow. First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was. Dan scoops me, and I am running late as alw...
Read more

My heart vs. My head (Plus Haters, Hoe friends & Fluke bitches)

After getting back from NJ and seeing my dad, who is now out of the hospital with pending cardiologist visits, I have been bogged down with work, sleep, colds and the guy I like. I have also been slightly torn between what I feel I "should" say to him vs. what actually has a need to be verbalized in our current situation. We ain't got no rings... and no commitments (though we do get along well). The sex is.... Well just watch the video: Now, we haven't discussed exclusivity. I don't think there is an expectation that my vagina is strictly for him and tho I haven't slept with anyone else yet, a much welcome friend should be reemerging within the next week. I think we are functioning on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He don’t seem to want to ask, so I don’t really intend on telling. All I know is this: My heart says one thing... (like perhaps if I care about the sanctity and purity of this situation, I should keep my vag to myself.) My vagin...
Read more