So I guess what it comes down to is this…….

So I guess what it comes down to is this…….

We all have coping mechanisms. Perhaps that guest shrink was right. We all use something. And I make jokes. About everything. Jokes about other people…. Jokes about myself…. But mostly about other people. Without much regard to how other people feel…. Cuz that’s how I’ve always dealt with everything. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make it okay…. But it most definitely is how I shake off the stuff that happens and has happened. Which just makes everything alittle less real. Got raped, make a joke. Several thousand dollars down the drain, shake that shit off. Tough times, fuck it.

But I guess in the long run everybody gets hurt by it. It’s not that I’m purposefully mean but I am thoughtless. Most definitely careless. And inconsiderate. I think I need to take some time. Pause. Get alittle bit of quiet in my head. Cuz I’m an asshole and I have to contend with that.

Also, I need to re-evaluate some things. So my phone is off. And my email is going unchecked. Those who need me know how to reach me. Those who don’t shouldn’t bother.

This blog appears to be just another outlet that I use to bruise and batter those whom I care about most. So I am on sabbatical from here on out…. I need to start looking at what I’m putting out there. And what I’m getting back. I have some impossibly difficult things to make amends for and either I’ll be able to or I’ll have to contend with that as well. This too shall pass. And it shall. I’m constantly and forever a work in progress. Because if I’m not growing, I’m dying.

One way or another…..

“This is me broken….”

Comments

Don said…
Good read. And it appears that you are at a crossroads within your life, which I assume you intend to battle head on. Good deal. You appear on your way towards finding truth and therefore conquer of that which hinders you, mentally.
9/8/08 12:08 PM
Mrs. Mary Mack said…
hmmm I have this same "issue", but I'm at the point where I feel like people who really know me know that no real harm is ever intended. I write what I feel
10/8/08 10:11 PM
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