Just cuz they're not paying doesnt mean you're not whoring.

98th percentile penises

I am a believer in “The Monogamous non monogamous relationship”. Now by definition, this situation is not “monogamous” per se. It’s more like leasing with an option to buy. If you wanna purchase, you have that option. If not you can always trade in.

I like spending time together and thoroughly enjoy doing “The Business" but I also like my space and someone who likes their space too.…. (Monogamous non-monogamy.) I’m more about content than form but I also like shit simplified. I feel like if you have one thing that works, why bog yourself down with inane whack shit that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Multiple partners is not really my forte (just because their not paying doesn’t mean you’re not whoring)….

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Dick slinging is a very competitive market and I treat my vagina like that fucking Highlander movie… “There can be only one."

There’s always someone waiting to take your spot so it’s important to show and prove constantly.

The blog “Penis Geography: Is your dick worth the drive?” has ample suggestions on how to stay competitive within the dick market, but I wanted to talk further on being realistic about your capabilities.

1. This may sound crazy but I am a huge fan of exit polls. I think it’s really important to ask people what they liked, what they didn’t like and what could be improved upon in the future. Exit polls are an excellent tool that can be utilized not only for self improvement but to get an overall Idea of where you stack up against the rest of the population. I regularly conduct exit polls, and my brother has been known to take an exit poll in his day as well. I’d tell you my ranking but then I’d have to kill you. Just know that I tend to land squarely in the Top 5.
   
   
2. Have a realistic concept of your own anatomy. I already debunked that Bullshit 5 ¾ inch average that men have been throwing around to make themselves feel like “King Huge Cock” in that random “I am not a prostitute blog".
   
   I would like to further clarify that everyone’s penis is not AMAZING. I know, I know. Your dick can do something very special….. Let me just say this…. Dicks are like kids. Everyone thinks theirs is special, even when it has to ride the short bus with a helmet. You are bound to be partial to and inclined toward liking your penis, as you should be…. Its yours and if you don’t love it, who will?
   
   But recognize when it’s not the longest penis….. and if it is long, stop hyping that shit, cuz a long skinny penis isn’t doing shit but poking my cervix and that gets you a negative review in the girls locker room (cuz we talk trash just as bad, if not worse than men). If I’ve slept with you, guarantee that at least one of my friends knows every intimate detail about it; duration, stroke, size, preference, penis abnormalities…. EVERYTHING. I kiss and I tell and if you did a good job, you have nothing to worry about.
   
   Not every penis is a 98th Percentile penis. Not every penis is going to be within the upper two percent of the general population. Its just not possible. Statistically a penis is bound to fall within the normal distribution of penises.
   
   
   
   Which essentially means that you are probably somewhere in the 68.3% range. Not too good, not too bad either. More than likely your size is average and your stroke is average. This is a statistical fact that you should come to grips with. I’m sorry. But I don’t make up statistics….. I just apply them to penises….

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Things that blow me about Facebook.
Every time I change my relationship status, the world knows. I end up single, motherfuckers are like, “DAMN! What happened?”
Shit. Right now I want to change my shit to “it’s complicated” but I don’t want 10 motherfuckers asking me why. Shit it feels more complex than simple, therefore it’s complicated. Damn.

Facebook be faking on a regular basis.



WTF is this shit Facebook?
How tha fuck am I supposed to whoop my roommates ass in scramble if you stay pullin this kinda shit.

Facebook be buggin.
Last night, you dropped my whole mini-feed and told me that at least 3 different people I am friends with weren’t my friends anymore. Facebook, you almost had me cussin motherfuckers out. You be jeopardizing my personal relationships.

You affect me emotionally Facebook.
When my ex changed his status to single….. I got very drunk. Facebook. Im glad you allow me options like limiting the info that I see on my mini-feed for certain people and I have now taking precautionary steps to keep me from being further blown by that bullshit….. But still, Facebook. Damn. I wasn’t ready for all that. Hence why I got so drunk…..

You won’t let me have a crush on myself.



DAMN IT FACEBOOK!

Whitney Houston said it best….

Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me.

Inside of ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
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When I first heard this song I thought it was cute, but then something struck me as off….

First Peep the Video….


Now peep the Definition of “Chasing Pavements”…..

Chasing Pavements: Slang term used for the act of specifically searching for a partner with whom to engage in either rimming, frosting or other scat related activities. The term 'pavements' is used as a euphemism for buttocks…..

Wow. Really tho? If I had to choose between giving up or chasing pavements…. I’d give the fuck up….. No thanks. I don’t do scat.
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To “James”: Thanks… For the Beer pong lesson, for the new perspective, and for making things a little more complicated.