Recap with my shrink & Why God didn’t give me a Penis.

Recap with my shrink & why God didn’t give me a penis.
Checked in with my Shrink. That’s always exhilarating.

First he asks, “Hows the relationship?”.
Me: Hmmm, well we broke up.
Dr. Shrinkman: Wow.
Me: Yeah, the day after I left my last appointment.
Dr. Shrinkman: Wow.
Me Yeah. He ignored my phone calls and texts the entire day.
Dr. Shrinkman: He did What?
Me: Exactly… Essentially I said Fuck you, cuz I felt ignored. He apparently didn’t like that so he broke up with me.
Dr. Shrinkman: Well, what’s the opposite of love?”
Me: Indifference, Doc. Indifference…. And that’s what it felt like when he ignored me for no reason other than he couldn’t be bothered to text me back…..
Dr. Shrinkman: Very good! I think it might be of value to discuss why you always choose “The Wrong Men” (he did not use words this nice).

Cie la vie…. My shrinkman. He is smart.

I have been on a short hiatus lately. We all know why I don’t write when I don’t write…. I’ve been busy… doing stuff…. Onto the actual blog….

• Reasons Why God didn’t give me a Penis:
  
  1. I would be ridiculously outlandish for no reason.
     
  2. If I had a large dick I would go to job interviews with no pants on, point down at my package and go "You know you want to hire me (wink, wink)"
     
  3. If I had a lil dick, I'd make women put on those Magnifying glasses before we did it....
     
  4. I would only fuck emancipated minors. They're young enough to be fresh and naive, but they're still legal. Yeah, I know what you're thinking.... "They're 16. They're bound to give shitty head". Well it only take 30 days of repetition to form a habit and Trust, we'd practice daily.
     
  5. I would try to convince someone new to suck my dick every day... cuz it never hurts to try.
     
  6. I would wander up to random women, get really close to their ear and whisper
     "Wait'll you see my dick, wait'll you see my dick. Hey Bitch. Wait'll you see my dick, Imma beat that pussy up!" til someone physically restrained me.
     
     
  
  
  
  
• Top 5 Best Breakup movies:
  
  1. Mallrats: This whole movie is about 2 breakups and the dumb shit people do. and Awesomeness.
     Im a fan of any movie where I can hear Ben Affleck say :
     

     Who's your favorite New Kid? Call me Joey. Oh, Yeah. Call me Donnie. Come on. Oh, girl. Oh, yeah. Don't make me get loose. I think that's it. Yeah. Call me Donnie. Come on. Oh, girl. Yeah, please don't go.

     
     
     
     
  2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind: Cuz who doesn't everyone have at least one relationship that they wish they could erase from their memory
     
     
     
  3. Closer: I love this movie, because its about how grown ups fuck up perfectly good relationships.
     
     This line sums up most of my past relationships:

     "Why did you swear eternal love when all you wanted was excitement?"

     
     
     
     
     
  4. High Fidelity: This actually was the inspiration for this Top 5 list. Great Music. Great book. And I really love John Cusack.
     
     
     
     Swingers i already mentioned previously sooooo……
     
     
  5. Love Stinks... Totally unappreciated movie. The quality of this does not do it justice, but put it in your netflix cue or something.
     
     
     
  
  
  
• Black Widow of Sims:
  Okay, so I got to playing Sims a while back. But I quit. Because essentially every time I played, I had to get up for work, make food, use the bathroom, fuckin sleep. That shit was just as taxing as normal ass life. So then I got the Magic add on. Made shit a little more interesting. I’d get married, Husband would bore me. Take on a girlfriend. Husband gets mad. Argues with me in the middle of parties. Fuck that shit, you got to go.... so I started murdering my fake Sim lovers. My favorite technique was burning them alive but shit, there are tons of ways to do it. Take a look for yourself.
  
  Sim Murdering....
  

Work has been kicking my ass. Now im sleepy... so i shall sleep.