The Good, the Bad & the Semi-Literate

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I woke up this morning, completely devoid of a sex drive.... This shitty occurrence will result in the following: Less sex for me. Less interesting blogs for you. While I was home, I sat and talked with my brother about all kinds of shit. I came to the following conclusion: I think that it is not possible for me, at this phase in my life, to have a relationship. The mere thought of it gives me a panic attack, hence the lack of sleep last night resulting in eye crust to go along with my overwhelming sense of impending doom that seemed to coat the entire morning. This is possibly why Plan A is always referred to as Plan A . He requires little to no energy, is easy to be around and talk to, plus bonus points for the fact that when it is all said and done ~ We part ways. Like "See ya when I see ya! Deuces" and that's that. And it's worked quite well for a minute so why fuck it up if it ain't broken..... I'm edging on 26 and I don't feel 26. I feel just as du

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... When it rains dick, it pours. Motherfuckin monsoon season... There are drought times and surplus times. Good dick, bad dick... Shit, I'm just glad to have options right about now. Yay holidays and Happy New Years to me... Oh So Sexy is back... And Catholicism is cockblocking... I swear, after all that we've been through, I think God straight has it out for us..... I text and ask: Are we still down for tonight? I get this text back: Yes & No.... I'm catholic and I need to take communion before Xmas. I didn't go to Church on Sunday so I have to take it on Thur. I can't sin (sex)before taking it. I can come thru and chill or we can fool around but I can't have sex til after xmas. So I'm down for whatever whenever you get back. I can still come thru tonite if U want though. I text back: So, no penetration.... Can you drink? Reply: Yeah... It's just the major sins, like sex and murder. I hit him back

Go to sleep. Sweet Jesus. It's late. Ps. Rum + Vodka = a headache and an argument with an off duty state trooper about the legality of him trying to give me a field sobriety test while off duty and intoxicated his damn self. If you are not in an official capacity, I am not going to play along... Yes, I am squinting and No, Fuck you, I will not follow your finger, until you put on a uniform and badge and pull my ass over while I am actually driving (not before I leave the fucking party, dude). I am not Drunk, dammit but I have shitty hand/eye coordination and I can't past those tests sober. It ain't fair, I tell you.... It ain't fair...

This is where I'm at right now: Honestly, I'm mad. It is B-day. Not my motherfuckin birthday, no no no. It's biopsy day. At this point, I'm mad. Boobs used to be fun. Now boobs are deadly. Like they killin motherfuckers. Where I'm at right now, is that, I'm tired. I'm tired of boobs killin people, I'm tired of being sad, I'm real tired of motherfuckers who said they'd be there and then motherfuckin weren't.... But all in all, I'm pissed. And I'm off some fuck you shit. Like if it aint about my peoples gettin better or being okay..... Fuck you. That's where tha fuck I'm at. In the words of Fight Club (the movie, not the book). I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke....... I felt like destroying something beautiful. I feel

Today wasn’t quite horrible but it wasn’t good either…. So last night started off this snowball of aggravation. Yesterday I wanted some. So I hit up "Plan A" . He is my new (old) favorite and now has priority over all others. In cases of overbooking, even a last minute appointment from him will trump all previous engagements. We are sleuthing out the possibility and logistics of fulfilling my one and only fantasy. It involves at least 3 people and careful placement of body parts, which is why it is so complicated. Essentially, either the 3rd person has to be a female or the 3rd person is a bisexual male which is a deal breaker for "Plan A" . It's tricky, which is why I've never been able to get it done. Back to the drawing board, I guess... anyway. His schedule was tight and so was mine. I was supposed to be somewhere after work and it just didn't seem feasible. So I defaulted to "Plan B". Plan B was lookin flaky, taking too long to return text

Trust that these are randoms: This landed in my inbox on Facebook yesterday from one of my oldest and most reliable booty calls: I want to lay you back, watch you smile as my tongue first hits your calve, and watch that smile turn into moans as it inches up higher and higher...I want to grab you by the thighs and spread your legs ...so my tongue can lick your pussy from the very bottom...all the way up and over your clit (throbbing and hard)...and pull away...I want to thrust my tongue deep inside and fuck you with my mouth...I want to squeeze your ass and pull you up off the bed to get a deeper lick...I want to watch your breast rise and fall with each heavy breath....I want to feel your nipples get hard between my fingertips...ready for my hot wet mouth to surround them...I want to make you cum. So I decided to venture out into the world and visit with my old dear friends... well worth the trip. Don't that shit read like a letter to Penthouse. He could most definitely be the next

I wanted to share with you the WORST BOOK I EVER READ. It is called "Secrets Men Keep: What They Don't Tell" by Tiy-E Umm it is bad, but the worst part of all is this section on light skinned privilege and dark skinned discrimination. Important subject matter but horribly handled through bullshit anecdotes. Let me set you up here: (all sections Bolded and Italicized will be me summarizing. Everything in quotes and normal looking... Direct from the book.) Brelon Jones plays some kinda sport professionally. He is dark skinned and apparently has issues. Marie is his very light skinned girlfriend. They are both shallow, stupid and hot tempered) "Brelon loves you girl. You know that don’t you?" "Of course, Brelon. I know that you love me and I love you too." "What is it that you love about me Marie?" "I love the fact that you are a real man, and not many men can state that claim." "What do you mean ‘I am a real man’?" "Yo

Fat Bear and I prepared to board the plane on Saturday and I realized that many of you may not know the who, what or why of Fat Bear. Fat Bear @ the telly in NY (This is actually like 3 stories, stick with me) I bought Fat Bear some time before college, so when I went to college, along came this lil ass bear. So when I moved to GA, of course Fat Bear came with. So I was headed back from Nicks Dorm @ G-state and I was on Marietta headed to Trinity Ave. to meet up with Maya who also transferred from Hampton to G-state. I took a right onto Peachtree St. by 5 points Marta station. Apparently, this is illegal. I tried to explain to the cop - I'm not from here. I have MD plates and an MD license. He cared not, the wheels of varying streams of income thru bullshit bureaucracy kept turnin and I got a ticket. Now, I would have paid the ticket. I tried to pay the ticket, but no where on the ticket did it tell me where 2 pay. So on I went to traffic court. Umm, I guess I was guilty cuz they

So, I slept for about 14 hrs today. Seriously. I got home last night and got a call from a guy who I am "not serious" with that went alil something like this: "You won't believe what happened. See I paid my child support, but then they sent me a check calling it overage but now they are saying I owe it and there is a $500 dollar warrant out for my arrest but I put 3 on it and now all I need is this 200. So Imma be arrested if I don't get $300 dollars as soon as possible" Don't be alarmed if there seemed to be a mathematical contradiction in that story. I didn't make a mistake. Those were his words, not mine. Now, I just got paid today. So technically, I could give him this money. But I have a rule about bailing out men over 30 who habitually live beyond their means. I don't. You got to read about the tragedy of EX 07. Did you note that no where in that post did it mention that he owed me some ridiculous amount of money? That is because I alrea

It is good if you have anxiety. Really good. So good infact that it is tempting all the time. Work sux- Pop a Klonopin Relationship is a blower- Pop a Klonopin Cant quite seem to fall asleep- take one... no, no, no, why not take 2? My best friend apparently took it for years. So totally agrees. And why bother and deal with some amount of stress or anxiety when you could just say fuckitall and bypass it. But bypassing it makes the dealing with everyday bullshit dreadful. Cuz you know you don't have to. I have to actively choose not to check out on a daily basis. Shit. Every day I have to choose to check in, when I know I'd much rather check out.

Funny things is that when people come here from searching google; More often than not, it is because they were looking for the lyrics of "I wanna fuck you but if I fuck you, Can I fuck your friend?" Apparently I am not the only one who loves this song.

The Eastern Star Adventure Okay, 1st off I got lost. Real talk. But only a lil bit. So I get there and the first thing I notice is that I am the only "Person of Color" there. Cool. Fine. It was alil like a family reunion with my Mom's side. So I go to the bathroom and get distracted by the Meeting/Alter room. Not really sure what it was but I deeply felt like I shouldn't have been there. Still stared real hard tho... Whatev. I go back to the main room, following the voiding of my bladder. We chit chat quite a bit with everyone. We (My coworker and I) are 2 of only four people there under 30. Interesting. People keep on touching me in places that make me uncomfortable.... Like on both shoulders, like this: Or on the small of my back. Like women in their 60's and 70's. These are spots that I consider to be my intimate spots so this shit is offputting. The man next to me asked me who Kris Kringle was in relation to Santa Claus. I speculate that perhaps they are f

Everyday I go home. I read alil math and then miraculously I end up deeply unconscious. I've been sleepin in these mini ass comas. I shall blame it on the weather, as every other explanation would be very inconvenient at this juncture. I've had dates everyday and I've fallen asleep every fuckin night. Knocked tha fuck out. Today, I am going to an Eastern Star Fund raising thingy and then I have dinner plans. I did most of my Christmas shopping and at this point, I'm about to take a fuckin shower, and haul ass to this Eastern Star event. I see my future shaping into directions that I didn't anticipate. It seems that changes are to be made and rather than fight them, I should go with the flow. Part of me is wondering what 2009 will bring. My birthday is coming and last year.... mostly insane, I must say. I am a New Years baby so New Years eve is always alil insane. Here is the blog that I wrote to commemorate my birthday last year: Dear Sweet Blessed Infant Baby Jesus

Please do not read my blog immediately prior to, following or in lieu of Church Service. It is probably a bad idea. In the immortal words of DMX: It's dark and hell is hot....

Last night was supposed to be my “Last Hurrah”. I gotta get serious with my life. That means studying for Grad School, looking at condos and planning on findin a normal ass dude, settling down and makin some babies. (Dan says that shit is kinda like Jordan retiring). Shit, I gotta focus of what I need to do. I’ve stopped allowing my Ex to pretend that we are friends, as it served no purpose but to allow him to feel better about the situation . When I need him, he is never around. When I want him, he is never around. I got high friend standards and he ain’t meetin em. So why call it friendship when he only serves as a second tier acquaintance. I honestly don’t think he knows how to truly be someone’s friend. I gotta stop trickin off wit these young and nubile hoe ass dudes. They fun and shit but you can’t keep em. Plus, I think I wanna have some babies one day and these non-committal, “It’s all about me” kinda guys aren’t gonna cut it. Side note: I had a dream the other night that I was

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Motherfuckers shootin again. Aint that a bitch.

OMG. So I tested out Klonopin and I need you to know that it is by far the awesomest thing since sliced bread. Like take your life. Take all the "give a damn". Toss it out the window. And not in the usual "empty, no point, no purpose" type of way. No. Like in the wonderful "Everything is just as it should be and all is right with the world" kind of way. I wouldn't take it everyday cuz I'm sure it'd lead to unemployment but... well damn. It's good shit. I feel like that guy in "Office Space". I'm just saying.... it's alil awesome.

I am looking at a condo or 2. I looked at my finances and I should be in one no later than 2010, tho i think i could swing it now...So sexy. These Junior one bedrooms are just enough for me. I think I'm in love with some housing....

I bequeath to you ignorance....

Preface: I often recap shit I talk about with my shrink. He is a wise man and sometimes I recap what we talk about because it echoes of the shit that I been goin through... but mostly I recap because it took me soooo long to be ok with going to the shrink, and even longer to be OK with getting on Medication. I cannot count how many people told me not to go and how many people told me that "Black people don't go to shrinks, you better call a friend or your mama or your pastor." I spent a really long time not gettin the help that I needed due to other peoples ignorance and bullshit stigmatizations. So I feel semi-obligated to speak on and recount the visits that I have with my very awesome shrink and to let people know how much it helped me (and encourage all those who are thinking about it to know that it's cool and it saved my life). Just sayin.... :P Recap with my Shrink: Apparently I am doin AOK except for the fact that I had a couple of anxiety attacks. Lemme say

Imma tax that ass. Imma tax that ass. Yippeeee. Sex and candy baby. Sex and candy. I smile deeply cuz I know it'll be fantastic. And I just bought a 12 pack of them Magnum Twisters. AMEN for condoms. AMEN for that "Oh So Sexy man . Before it felt like this: Now I feel like bumpin this shit: Hopefully my new drawz will arrive first. Lowkey ass weekend. Friday night a new man friend invited me to the Wizards game. That was chill. After I did laundry. Got home and crashed. Next morning he called and invited me to his place for lunch. I love a man who can cook. Most guys I wind up meeting can only cook eggs. No good. No good. His place was super artistic. Nice shit. and apparently he owns 2 of everything. Call him "Mr. Me Too". 2 laptops. 2 flatscreens. 2 everything. Mirror on the ceiling. Yeah. Hilarity ensued. Went home and slept. Yeah. Lowkey. Went to Target. Booked the chick I been flirtin with for about 5 months. Yeah. It was a decent weekend.

I got tagged. Essentially getting tagged is the Blog equivalant of a fuckin chain letter, but I figured, fuck it..... So Amber Alert and Everyone needs a little TLC... .... Here it goes. First here are the rules: 1. Link back to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog 2. Share 7 weird/random facts about urself 3. Tag 7 random ppl at the end of your post and include links to their blogs 4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog here goes nothin: 1. I've Never been to a Professional Basketball Game. College. Yes. High School. Yes. But in both cases I was messing with someone on the team and they liked it when I showed up. I always brought a book. Always. Try reading Ayn Rand at a basketball game. It is odd. Actually, I only realized this today, cuz I got asked out to a basketball game with a guy who makes me laugh, and smile. I shall go. Sans book. 2. Ashley is my New Ungay Gay Wife. Yup. She isn't gay. But neithe