College, Backblowers, The Hump Tape and the dismissal of "Most Men"

Soooooo. I did like I said. I gave up “Most Men” for lent. The cigarettes are a whole other story…. Giving up the Liquor goes hand in hand with the “Most Men” thing, cuz given the number of stories that I have that begin with “I ordered a Tequila Sunrise”, Sex and liquor go hand in hand.

Minus “Most Men”, I have been quite productive. I study a lot. I am a lot less aggravated at bullshit…. Shit has been going well.

There is only one person who is receiving an exemption from the “Most Men” rule. He isn’t “Most Men”. Plus he's an out of towner and I gotta be Hospitable... I'm southern. It's in my nature.

• I have plans on making a big ass cupcake.
  
  1st you gotta get this :
  
  
  
  Yeah. Big ass cupcake pan. So that you can make One Big Ass Cupcake….
  
  
  
  
• College. Sweet Jesus. I been mad nostalgic lately. Some shit is only really acceptable in college.
  
  I think that's why I liked visiting Morgantown, Wv so much. It was a college town so being there was like hanging out in a suspended state of college. Binge drinking, random nudity, pandemonium and stupidity. I'd already graduated yet 2006 mirrored levels of ignorance that I left behind in 2001. And trust that in 2001 we Od'd on ignorance.
  
  Seriously, Freshman year ignorance was a fucking trip:
  
  
  
  • At a party, I most definitely recall some guy yelling “She burned my dick wit a cigarette”
    
    
  • That time my four friends went on Judge Joe Brown to resolve a rent dispute
    
    
  • In college, songs like “She got her own”... were irrelevant. None of us had anything. There was a special pride in being a broke college student. I even had them bill my voicemail on my dorm phone to my mama.
    
    
  • Being broke was so okay that it was perfectly acceptable to skip going to the club cuz you aint have no money for the cover and just sit outside drinking and playing the let out…
    
    
  • If you wanted a dude who had anything, you dated a Navy Dude. They had houses, cars, money, and nice bodies. Really nice bodies....
    
    
  • College Sex... Great. Fuckin great.
    
    
  • We used to frequent the vending machines so that we could get mixers for cocktails.
    
    
  • Nappin was perfectly acceptable in college. You’d call someone and be like “Whatcha doin?”, “Sleep”, “That’s what’s up. Call me when you wake up”
    
    
  • I think I only saw Breakfast twice. Both times I was up all night doin ignorant ass shit…
    
    
  • In college it was perfectly acceptable to be in real suspect situations. Like that time we ended up in the Football dorm in search of Erian’s purse. Trust me, I am still left with the following questions: How did Erian’s purse end up in the all male football dorm when we merely left it in someone’s car? How did we get in? How tha fuck did we get out? Why does my only memory of this seem to revolve around some guy in a blue towel watchin cable? WTF?
    
    See also That time we went to Norfolk State that time...
    
    See also The tale of Self, Script, WhiteFolks and Moet Mimosas
    
    Yeah
    
    
  • We used to sit around for hours making elaborate speeches on why college was a waste of time and how you really didn’t need it but we still went to class anyway.
    
    
  • That time I Od’d on caffine pills but then ended up selling the rest of the bottle to other students.
    
    
  • And Copyrights? Wtf is a copyright? We borrowed one person’s bootleg, took it back to the bootleg store, complained about the quality and swapped it for another movie we hadn’t seen. Twice.
    
    Which brings me to the Backblowers CDs….
    
    The tale of the Backblowers
    In 2001, my main source of income was hustlin CDs. Napster was still in full effect, not to mention this other P2P site that was housed mostly online, w a small download app that was simple and easy to use. I had a CD burner and a stack of CDs. A lot of people had computers, internet and CD burners but no one seemed to want to learn to use that shit.
    
    For some reason E and I ended up in Dirty's car. I honestly don't remember why but on our way back to campus, she was all in his CD collection and ended up finding one labeled "Backblowers".
    
    Erian: “Backblowers?”
    Dirty: For blowing out backs....
    
    Ok.
    
    So we snatch this up. This CD was mostly R kelly songs. So we rip the Cd and start selling it in a 2pack with “The Hump Tape”.
    
    Now, “The Hump Tape” consisted of songs like 85, Explosive, Cut Friends, Fuck Faces, Cut Up....The hump tape was for back alley fuckin. That was our actual sales pitch. Seriously. It seemed to work.
    
    People bought it and liked it. Backblowers sold well, so Erian and I sat down and made a Part 2. It actually outsold Backblowers 1. It really was a great concept.
    
    Here was my sales pitch:
    
    

    Excuse me, do you have a minute? I'm trying to hook you up with these Backblower CDs.... Now, don't get me wrong, I can look at you and tell (look at them head to toe, then pause for effect) ….You blow out backs..but I'm trying to elevate it. I'm trying to levitate it, I'm tryin to help you take to it celestial heights. I'm trying to have you floatin above the bed, wonderin “Why we floatin?.... It must be the cd”.... This shit makes the pussy wet and the dick hard. We got them panty dropping intros…. Hear that? That right there makes the elastic pop on the panties, they hit the ground and be stuck to the ground from the pussy juice.

    
    
    The marketing strategy was genius.
    1. Sell the Cd to dudes.
       
    2. They lie on their dicks and say that fucked some broad to the CD and it was the shit.
       
    3. Next thing you know, his homeboy is on my phone trying to cop one.
    
    
    Foolproof. This shit earned me the nickname "hustler", cuz I could "sell water to a well". Whatev. Kept my pockets full. I also got nicknamed "pimp" for tryin to get that football team/stripper thing to pop off.
    
    I actually had my own personal bump and grind mix called "The ultimate sex" which I kept just for myself. It was the best of all the Backblowers combined. I'm selfish like that.
    
    Shit like that is only acceptable in college. Yeah…

If only I could do it all over again....

PS. Check out Jason's shit. He is my secret lover... We have gummie bear orgies together