I got 99 problems & they're all bitches. Every last one.
I left my phone at home today... No real reason to bring it to work, plus I had a shitload of actual "work" to do today...
Left work at 9pm and got home at about 10. Glance at the phone and had 2 texts. One from a PYT who I never really paid enough attention, but I probably should and another from a guy I used to smash in the beginning of 2008. Now this is where shit gets tricky. I met this guy in early 2008. We kicked it for a lil bit and then shit just started gettin weak.
Now around this same time I was on my "Single" tip so I was booking other dudes and DC is entirely too fucking small. I booked one of his acquaintances by accident.
(From here on out the acquaintance shall be dubbed Hennessy, because he is strong in every sense of the word)
Later on, I find out that they know each other and the whole thing becomes straight bullshit.
About 7 or months ago, I was at a party at Olives, chilling and mostly drunk. They're both there, and apparently a few other guys, cuz I end up hiding outside, chain smoking, trying to avoid this clusterfuck. Finally go inside to pee and I see Hennessy by the bathroom. He berates me for not chilling with him and meeting his homeboys and shit. He had a table on the upper level so I figure fuck it. I let him lead me up the stairs and get a glass of champagne.
Just as I start to relax, guess who walks up... Yup. Tha jump off. Even this would have been okay but the New guy decides to introduce me to my own jump off.
Hennessy: Meet my new wifey. (at this point, I'm bright red).
Jump Off: Nice to meet you.
Me: (silent handshake.)
Now after Jumpoff has walked away, Hennessy turns to me and asks "Did you fuck him?". At this point I am sensory overloaded and I go "NOOOO". The night did wayyyyy too much. I had to do a pre-emptive confession on that one, cuz I knew it was gonna blow up in my face. Then I ended up meeting EX 08 and got distracted and disappeared. I do that sometimes.
This whole thing actually got alot creepier. Jump off smashed my homegirl & my exes homegirl. He also is the reason I met my last ex boyfriend and subsequently my first smash of the year, not to mention my very last jumpoff. It is straight up six degrees of fucking and I most definitely need to move. ASAP.
Which brings us to the past 24 Hrs. Hennessy texted me and said he wanted to hang out this weekend. Sounded good to me so I said, Sure. Fuck It. I'm free on Saturday.
Then coincidentally (Sike. I don't believe in coincidences anymore.... Just Bitchery. Lots of Bitchery) I get a text from the jump off today. Hmmmmmm. We aint talked since I called you a waste of a cum stain several months ago (tee hee hee, still funny to me). So you pick the day after I talk to Hennessy to text... I smell bitchery.
Why don't yall save us all some time and do a 3-way phone call. Hennessey can be on mute and Jumpoff can ask me "Do you like me? Yes or No?"
I really ain't seent some fluke ass shit like this since elementary school. We grown dawg. What tha fuck? Perhaps I'm being overly critical but this is some motherfuckin bullshit. I'm too old. This is too whack, and I'll tell yall both to kick rocks before I allow some bitchery to pop off on my phone. I will change this number. I gives not a fuck.
No no no.... uh uh.
I got 99 problems, and they're all bitches. Every last one.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out.
Tip for the day:
Buy a $10 dollar dress to club in. If your bodies tight and the fabric ain't shitty, you'll look fine... But never skimp on the shoes. Walkin funny cuz you feet hurt ain't sexy. Invest in your own comfort.
Left work at 9pm and got home at about 10. Glance at the phone and had 2 texts. One from a PYT who I never really paid enough attention, but I probably should and another from a guy I used to smash in the beginning of 2008. Now this is where shit gets tricky. I met this guy in early 2008. We kicked it for a lil bit and then shit just started gettin weak.
Now around this same time I was on my "Single" tip so I was booking other dudes and DC is entirely too fucking small. I booked one of his acquaintances by accident.
(From here on out the acquaintance shall be dubbed Hennessy, because he is strong in every sense of the word)
Later on, I find out that they know each other and the whole thing becomes straight bullshit.
About 7 or months ago, I was at a party at Olives, chilling and mostly drunk. They're both there, and apparently a few other guys, cuz I end up hiding outside, chain smoking, trying to avoid this clusterfuck. Finally go inside to pee and I see Hennessy by the bathroom. He berates me for not chilling with him and meeting his homeboys and shit. He had a table on the upper level so I figure fuck it. I let him lead me up the stairs and get a glass of champagne.
Just as I start to relax, guess who walks up... Yup. Tha jump off. Even this would have been okay but the New guy decides to introduce me to my own jump off.
Hennessy: Meet my new wifey. (at this point, I'm bright red).
Jump Off: Nice to meet you.
Me: (silent handshake.)
Now after Jumpoff has walked away, Hennessy turns to me and asks "Did you fuck him?". At this point I am sensory overloaded and I go "NOOOO". The night did wayyyyy too much. I had to do a pre-emptive confession on that one, cuz I knew it was gonna blow up in my face. Then I ended up meeting EX 08 and got distracted and disappeared. I do that sometimes.
This whole thing actually got alot creepier. Jump off smashed my homegirl & my exes homegirl. He also is the reason I met my last ex boyfriend and subsequently my first smash of the year, not to mention my very last jumpoff. It is straight up six degrees of fucking and I most definitely need to move. ASAP.
Which brings us to the past 24 Hrs. Hennessy texted me and said he wanted to hang out this weekend. Sounded good to me so I said, Sure. Fuck It. I'm free on Saturday.
Then coincidentally (Sike. I don't believe in coincidences anymore.... Just Bitchery. Lots of Bitchery) I get a text from the jump off today. Hmmmmmm. We aint talked since I called you a waste of a cum stain several months ago (tee hee hee, still funny to me). So you pick the day after I talk to Hennessy to text... I smell bitchery.
Why don't yall save us all some time and do a 3-way phone call. Hennessey can be on mute and Jumpoff can ask me "Do you like me? Yes or No?"
I really ain't seent some fluke ass shit like this since elementary school. We grown dawg. What tha fuck? Perhaps I'm being overly critical but this is some motherfuckin bullshit. I'm too old. This is too whack, and I'll tell yall both to kick rocks before I allow some bitchery to pop off on my phone. I will change this number. I gives not a fuck.
No no no.... uh uh.
I got 99 problems, and they're all bitches. Every last one.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out.
Tip for the day:
Buy a $10 dollar dress to club in. If your bodies tight and the fabric ain't shitty, you'll look fine... But never skimp on the shoes. Walkin funny cuz you feet hurt ain't sexy. Invest in your own comfort.
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P.S.. love the title.
Just read one post and I'm liking this spot already!