The one and only time that I peed on someone during sex
R Kelly was acquitted. No, really. I'm just as shocked as you.
I saw that tape and my thoughts while watching it were as follows:
R Kelly single handedly took pissing on people out of my list of kinky shit and landed it squarely in my "that's weird but more common than you think" list.
I even saw the R Kells eats ass video.
Same lil penis, same erectile dysfunction. I was actually embarrassed for him.
For the record: If your dick goes soft, and you drop down to eat ass as a means of distracting or compensating for the fact that you went soft, you have neither distracted nor compensated for your flaccid penis. You have merely guaranteed that you will no longer get kissed in the mouth and that imma tell all my friends that you can't keep it up and that you're a freak who likes to eat ass.
Anyway, in homage to Mr. Kelly, I shall regale you with the tale of the one and only time I peed on someone during sex (this is by no means a long story).
I was seeing "Mr. Annoying" thus named because tho he was tall and fine, he whined a lot. A lot. And I have little tolerance for whiney men. Complaints about how hard your life is or how you never get a break in life are the quickest ways to get me dry.
(Side note: I'm on the bus and this guy just said "Yeah, my sister was hoe!" Apparently a guy in the front knows him and said "Ayo! Dee, I didn't fuck your sister!" Sorry, had to tell yall that.)
Anyway, Mr. Annoying curved upward at an extreme angle. An extreme upward angle.
This can sometimes be great. At the correct angle it can be perfect for hitting the G-spot. At the wrong angle, it can be disastrous.
So one night, while engaged in the act, he is hitting what he swears is my g-spot. And I feel an uncomfortable pressure. The conversation goes as follows:
I said: I think your hitting my bladder. I think Im going to pee.
Mr. Annoying: No. That’s your g-spot. Go with it. You’re gonna Cum.
Me: No. I’m fairly certain that you’re hitting my bladder and that if you keep it up, I’m going to pee on you.
Mr. Annoying: Naw, you’re gonna cum… trust me.
Me: umm, okay….. (skeptical, skeptical)
Mr. Annoying: Oh my god…. Did you just pee on me?
Yeah. He was annoying, hard headed and stupid….
And he got peed on.
At least I warned him… So, please note that in the future, if someone says that you’re hitting their bladder, and that they are about to pee on you, perhaps you should trust them and stop what you’re doing.
Or, if that’s your thing, I guess you could keep going….. but be prepared for a crazy huge wet spot. The bladder is nothing to play with….
I saw that tape and my thoughts while watching it were as follows:
- R Kelly has a little dick.
- R Kelly has erectile dysfunction.
- R Kelly is a bama for recording this shit knowing damn well he has a small dick and erectile dysfunction.
- R Kelly knows damn well that that girl ain’t 18.
- That girl can't dance.
- R Kelly is telling her to piss on the floor?
- R Kelly has no intention of mopping that up. If R Kelly mopped his own floors, he’d just let her pee in a toilet like a normal person.
- I feel sorry for R Kelly's maid.
- Is he gonna cum in her face?
- I hope it doesn't get into her eye. That shits bound to hurt.
- Wow. Not pee.
- OH DEAR God! Not Pee!
- But in her face tho? Ummm that explains a lot.
- R Kelly is weird.
R Kelly single handedly took pissing on people out of my list of kinky shit and landed it squarely in my "that's weird but more common than you think" list.
I even saw the R Kells eats ass video.
Same lil penis, same erectile dysfunction. I was actually embarrassed for him.
For the record: If your dick goes soft, and you drop down to eat ass as a means of distracting or compensating for the fact that you went soft, you have neither distracted nor compensated for your flaccid penis. You have merely guaranteed that you will no longer get kissed in the mouth and that imma tell all my friends that you can't keep it up and that you're a freak who likes to eat ass.
Anyway, in homage to Mr. Kelly, I shall regale you with the tale of the one and only time I peed on someone during sex (this is by no means a long story).
I was seeing "Mr. Annoying" thus named because tho he was tall and fine, he whined a lot. A lot. And I have little tolerance for whiney men. Complaints about how hard your life is or how you never get a break in life are the quickest ways to get me dry.
(Side note: I'm on the bus and this guy just said "Yeah, my sister was hoe!" Apparently a guy in the front knows him and said "Ayo! Dee, I didn't fuck your sister!" Sorry, had to tell yall that.)
Anyway, Mr. Annoying curved upward at an extreme angle. An extreme upward angle.
This can sometimes be great. At the correct angle it can be perfect for hitting the G-spot. At the wrong angle, it can be disastrous.
So one night, while engaged in the act, he is hitting what he swears is my g-spot. And I feel an uncomfortable pressure. The conversation goes as follows:
I said: I think your hitting my bladder. I think Im going to pee.
Mr. Annoying: No. That’s your g-spot. Go with it. You’re gonna Cum.
Me: No. I’m fairly certain that you’re hitting my bladder and that if you keep it up, I’m going to pee on you.
Mr. Annoying: Naw, you’re gonna cum… trust me.
Me: umm, okay….. (skeptical, skeptical)
Mr. Annoying: Oh my god…. Did you just pee on me?
Yeah. He was annoying, hard headed and stupid….
And he got peed on.
At least I warned him… So, please note that in the future, if someone says that you’re hitting their bladder, and that they are about to pee on you, perhaps you should trust them and stop what you’re doing.
Or, if that’s your thing, I guess you could keep going….. but be prepared for a crazy huge wet spot. The bladder is nothing to play with….
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