Que punch is a motherfucker….

  • This man next to me on the bus yesterday kept on talking to himself and raising his hands like he was on a rollercoaster. Seriously.

  • I was late to work yesterday morning and my boss kept threatening to send me home if I was sick.

    He sent me this email:
    Try raising your hands see if you can get a wave going... Seriously, how are you feeling? I will send you home...

    (In regards to the aforementioned crazy man and my general health).

    So I sent him this email, word for word:
    A. You cannot send me home.
    B. He is extra crazy. Beyond just plain crazy. I am trying not to agitate him.
    C. I'm on my way already. I have a frog in my throat.
    D. Honestly for a crazy person, he smells extra clean. You would think being crazy would impede his ability to be about personal hygene but nope..... Smelled quite unlike pee.....

    He sent this back:
    A. You are VERY wrong about A. I can send you home, and have the executive management back me up.
    B. He is probably just very sociable.
    C. Yeah and I bet the frog is swimming in whatever is bleeding in your throat.
    D. Sometimes, an obsessive-compulsive disorder, requires you to be as clean as possible.

    BOOOOOO!!! Almost told people what tha fuck I wasn’t gonna do the other day….

  • I woke up yesterday morning, turned to boyfriend and asked him "Who is this KRS-1 that people keep talking about?" To which he looked at me like I was crazy, cuz he thinks I have no sense of hip hop history. Then he threatened to send me to old school hip-hop bootcamp.....

  • Target sells Trojan Magnums 36 for 16 dollars. I don't think its possible to beat that price.

    Bed, Bath and Beyond didn't have family sized boxes of Magnums. They fuckin up that beyond part.... Buying condoms is the new kiss of death, by the way. Mark my words on
    that junt.

  • Songs that make my day.
    I wish I'd never met her..... At all. (makes me laugh til I cry)

    You’s a bitch Carl Thomas….. 1st you singing bout summer rain…. Then you feelin all Emotional…. Now you mad cuz you beatin shawty and shawty gots a husband that she aint bout to leave and that once again got you feelin some kinda way. Emotional perhaps?

    Mrs. Officer (like a cop car tho?)


  • Iphones are pressed like shit. If I go into your SMS messages, why come that shit recounts every convo we done ever had. Booooo! You pressed. Dick riding ass Iphone! Quit weighin down my sack.

  • Go DJ came on in the club Thursday and I almost lost my damn mind.
    .
  • Best but naked in bed conversation that I ever had ever (as best as I can remember it):
    (Let me preface this with the fact that it was that time of the month)
    Him:You know, head is good.
    Me: This is true. I’ve always been a fan.
    Him:SO, on this we agree.
    Me:Most definitely
    Him: And I both enjoy the giving and the receiving.
    Me: As you should…..
    Him: And it should go without saying that if I could, you know, do that…..
    Me: That you would….
    Him: Oh most definitely
    Me: But you can’t….
    Him: This is true!
    Me: But had the situation been different…..
    Him: Had the situation been different, I most definitely would.
    Me: But you can't
    Him: Sadly….
    Me: But you'd like me to?
    Him: Well.....
    Me: And if the situation were different
    Him: Then I would most definitely reciprocate
    Me: So it’s really a matter if intent…..
    Him: Exactly!!!!

    (This is what happens when 2 verbose people get naked)

  • My job is becoming abusive…It beats me like I owe it money, then comes back with flowers and candy, promising never to do it again and the next thing you know, Im getting smacked around again…

  • Life has strange double standards. Cuz if I have sex with 2 cousins or best friends…. That might make me look a lil suspect. But if I was a man, that would make me a G…. Go figure….

  • My new shit: She looks like she is of a receptive disposition.

  • I wish all of his friends weren’t strippers.

  • Why the fuck are there so many kinds of Mountain Dew?

  • Gas hit $4.15!! With all this fucking shit… I could pick up a fuckin heroin habit, stay home, save money and simultaneously decrease my carbon footprint.

  • Shit that got said
    1. Be a good ho not a bad stripper.
    2. Megan: He’s hot.
      Me:Who? Where?
      Megan: That one right there. The light skinned one who looks like he wants to throw up…

    3. Ewww. You made the buss it baby song gay.
    4. I got yo ass on retainer.
    5. They shoulda neva gave u nigga licenses.
    6. This purple koolaid que punch is banana. I'm extra drunk.
    7. Wow. Moms just called while I'm drunk on that que punch.
    8. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. That R Kelly after party text that said:
      R. Kelly Not Guilty Celebration Party
      2NITE @ CHUCK E CHEESE
      7pm - Until
      Girls Free B4 9 w/ high school ID...
      No Parents Please
      After party hosted by Michael Jackson!!!!


      that shit was funny…

    9. Me: Wow, a members only jacket tho?
      Him: Its Prada baby. Read it and weep....

    • Comments

    Anonymous said…
    • U do need to go to the hip hop course for asking a question like that. U're making me look bad...
    • Stop hating on the daymn iPhone. U. R. A. Hater!
    • Whoever has only stripper friends... Can we all hang out when I come to visit?
    • Que punch is awesome n it usually comes with a sexy, thick Que
    • I'm going to try that Wave thing on the bus
    • I solved the jacket issue: its a Prada/ Stater jacket... I mean they r bringing back the 80's
    21/6/08 3:12 PM
    Post a Comment

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