Murphy's Law of Netta and the Penile Hierarchy

I have been trying to get all the events of the last two weeks in order in my head.

My bathroom is once again broken and I am home awaiting the Roto-Rooter. No tub, toilet or sink. So I decided that I should stop being a lazy cunt and write some shit down.

I've been wandering the world attached at the hip to my BlackBerry and taking full advantage of BlackBerry Messaging. I am indulging in a heavy interest/flirtation through BlackBerry Messenger and He is coming tomorrow to visit. I am ecstatic.

Recently there has been alot of tossing around of the "M" word. We have entered into preliminary talks about "Monogamy". Not a relationship.... Just Monogamy.

The odd thing is that I just got engrossed in a convo tonight that revolved around the topic of Monogamy and the conclusion that I came to was thus: It is cock blocking. Socially justified and sanctioned but cock blocking none the less. The sad thing is: I would give up other penis for Him. He is special. To me... in general and to me.

Now, please note: I do not differentiate between Monogamy and a Relationship. Cuz if we're monogamous, I can't fuck other people and if we're in a relationship, I still can't fuck other people.... Relationships just involve more talk about feelings and an eventual obligatory meeting of the parents. Ehhh... same shit, different words. All in all, My vagina isn't allowed to wander...

Now, while single, I had a hierarchy of penis.

It went as such:
Plan A trumps all other locals but I gave him Sundays so that weren't really an issue.

Tuesdays were split between "Youngin" and "Lucky". I'd given "Lucky" Mondays but he was grumpy so I determined that He should get every other Tuesday because realistically Youngin lived far and probably wouldn't make it every Tuesday anyway. But as the Hierarchy goes Tuesdays belong to "Youngin", so if he calls, he trumps Lucky.

Out of towners trump everyone, which means that Oh So Sexy gets preference because he is trekking from the motherfucking Midwest and schedules appointments sometimes a month in advance...

But if "Monogamous Non-Monogamy" is to pop off, I must commence with "The Closeout Procedures" cuz apparently I run my sex life like a business.

I learned the importance of "The Closeout" last time I went monogamous...

Essentially I'd met a guy and I just disappeared. Once the relationship was over, I'd effectively alienated myself from all of my regulars. I don't believe in burning bridges, but that lack of communication on my part had set up a situation where I'd managed to fuck myself over and effectively keep myself from getting fucked. Amends were made but I learned a valuable lesson. Closeouts are essential cuz ain't shit guaranteed...

Now, I say my goodbyes in a proper fashion. Glass of wine, a nice talk, and one for the road....

There is the "Long Closeout" which involves saying goodbye to both the major and the minor players. It has been requested that if I must do a closeout, I do a "Short Closeout". A "Short Closeout" involves Major Players, Out of Towners and Grade A Penis only.... So is life. One more for the road.

I have prepped as much as I can for His arrival.

Facial - Which was totally like going to the dentist for your face. It hurts but afterward you're so glad you did it. I'm going to go once a month from now on.

Clean House - took a lil work but it looks jie decent up in here.

Food and wine procured - For the intoxications and the full uppedness.

Sex with anyone else postponed until after this visit....

I am nervous like a virgin and very glad I am not a virgin. I want to knock this one out of the park and tho I got a decent skill set, I still worry that I might not be doin enough. Its cool tho...

I am now drunkish... and tired. Everything is in place and it's perfect enough... Which means that the Murphy's law of Netta's world means that he won't make it or some ole bullshit will pop off.

Here's to hoping that he is packing that Trey Songz type shit rather than that ole Bobby Valentino dick.... Here's to gettin turned out...