Musings of Lesbian Sex lead to Blogging

Today I stayed home... I have a cold. Whilst sitting around, watching Season 3 of Veronica Mars and eating a Shrimp Quesadillas (cuz even tho I’m ill, my taste buds ain’t) I realized I should write some hot shit about sex. Cuz that's what I do.

I was going to write about girl on girl sex.... but instead, I decided to write about feminism. yup. I’m evil....

I tease you with the promise of intercourse with women (which this year seems to be heading toward) but then I deliver my musings on what’s been bouncing around in my brain lately.

You can blame this entire post on Greg. It is, in fact, Greg’s fault. It started with a discussion about Lil Kim… It snowballed into a discussion about the contradictions laid upon women post feminist movement.

I give you the Lil Kim Convo:

“Real Feminist”:

Lil kim is a smut..how can you tell the difference between whats true and whats not true?
Moral of the story...you paint a picture for other people to depict.
And obviously thats how the world sees her!
Peace

My response (mostly fueled by the term smut):

I got mad love for Lil Kim. I think that she set off a whole new frontier of feminism. She is proud to be who she is, be damned the rest of the world. She said the same shit that men were getting commended for and she got blasted for it. She took a lot of heat for saying the truth, Men fuck. Women do to. And sometimes we're dogs about it, just like men are...

"Hard core" was a Ill ass album. I remember that being a really solid time for female rap artists. I copped Foxy and Kims albums on the same day. I STILL BUMP THAT SHIT.and "Suck my dick" off of Notorious K.I.M. is in my mp3 player right now.

“Real Feminist”:

Oh goosh. Thats bafoonery!!@ Netta's first comment.
(I respect your view, but I don't agree)
I say this because....in the circle of life. Two wrongs NEVER make a Right.
But three Lefts make a right lol.
Im a real feminist.
But I feel like Lil Kim participated in setting women back for the love of the money. Once upon a time women of color were Godesses who ruled the world, not reduced to simple sex objects. Any woman can lay on thier back and give thier souls to a man. It takes a strong woman to use her mind to advance in life.
Peace

My response:

Lil kim likes sex. Its not a tool of advancement. When 2 people enter into a bedroom with common expectations (ie. sexual satisfaction) rather than making it a power play about who is withholding vs who is pursuing, we effectively even the playing field. Liking sex doesn't make her a smut. It makes her honest, even at the risk of scorn.

“Real Feminist”:

I dont know one person on Gods green earth who doesnt enjoy Sex. But the truth is, When Lil' Kims name is spoken what is it associated with immediately?.. SEX which identifies her as a symbol. If Lil' kim was to make an album about anything substantially imporant in life (besides the act of reproduction of life), i garuntee shed flop!.
The entire concept of "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" goes out the window at the mentioning of Lil Kims name.
Wether women want to ADMIT it or not. Once you open your legs to a man, you have given EVERYTHING you have to offer. We have a womb and you are allowing entrance, this means something way beyond pleasure!
I never once said liking sex makes anyone a smut. I love sex. And im sure you do But just because men go around telling everyone how long thier penis is doesnt mean its pertinant to tell everyone how deep your throat is. Its enticing in a sexual manner, similar to the jobs of strippers and prostitutes.

My response:

When I open my legs to a man, Trust, I have not even come close to relinquishing EVERYTHING I have to offer. What is between my legs is one of my least important attributes. Its good and all but it aint that serious. The whole "dripping diamonds and gold" thing is a lil old in my book. The most important things i have to give are my brain (not everyone is worthy of the intellectual convo) and my heart (which I am very cautious with).

I'd also like to say for the record, on a side note, Prostitution should be legalized and unionized.

Sex is great when its special... but i'll be damned if it ain't also great (and sometimes better) when its with someone who ain't so special.

Apparently the end result of this was to “Agree to Disagree”.

I guess, this post has been building for a while. Since a comment that was left on my blog in response to “The "Pull Out Method" is still a method..... Damn it.”

The comment went as follows:

can i suggest that if you are worried about babies and don't want a guy to use condoms, the morning after pill is a fabulous invention $40-50 bucks, nauseous for a couple hours and boom u good!!!! but with as much sleeping around as u do i wouldn't suggest going without a condom. remember STDs don't just affect you, they affect the future partners of guys u been with in the past. i hope like hell we have no partners in common, considering dc/md/va is a small area and I've seen u in the clubs and we have friends in common, i hope it stops there with our commonalities.

I replied with:

Wow. Normally I wouldn’t bother with a reply and I most definitely won't sit here and defend my virtue as I believe it is my god given right, not to mention my duty (post feminist movement) to be able to unabashedly pursue my sexual desires and to adamantly defend others rights to do the same. It is statements like yours that reaffirms the sexual double standard and our patriarchal culture of sexual shame that leaves women oppressed and divests us of the rights and privileges afforded to those with penises.

I digress. Apparently this is a very misunderstood post.

I consistently use condoms, due to the fact that I am not on birth control and I don’t really consider the morning after pill an option. My lack of hormonal birth control reinforces the need to not have drunk slip ups. I not only use condoms but I also encourage the use of the pullout method in conjunction with condom use. Condoms are not fool proof and they most definitely do break.

I appreciate the PSA, and I, too, hope that we have no partners in common, but who knows…. DC ain’t too big. I find it hard to believe that we have common friends, but hey… DC is small. C'est la vie. I wouldn’t worry it if I were you.

PS. Just came back from the Gyno after getting my yearly and 100% FDA certified clean Vag…. So really don’t worry. Or perhaps seek out one of my leftovers. I have had pretty good luck with snaggin some pretty good lays… I can give you some names and numbers if you like…

Sidenote: Glad I’m not on birth control because under my new “Wonderful” health care, all hormonal birth control is Tier 3 on the prescription scale, which means a 50dollar copay every month. It’d be cheaper to make a fuckin baby. There is some justice tho…. Viagra is also Tier 3. Fuckers.

Now, my first taste of feminism was "Women's studies". Not too interesting. No offense but it didn't really tackle the shit that I wanted to learn about. So when I signed up for Feminist political theory, imagine my surprise when I actually learned things and felt informed…..

Every class I got wrapped up in these very awesome discussions. One that particularly stuck in my mind was about power. Namely divisions of power between men and women in relationships. Now, I don’t speak up often in class but, this one discussion I felt compelled to speak. This girl was making her argument as to why she felt that women held the power in relationships….

Her thoughts were as follows:

"Women have the power in relationships because we can withhold sex."

I end up blurting out :

"If we had real power, we wouldn’t have to withhold sex"

Sex shouldn’t be a tool, or a bargaining chip. It’s a physical act between two people and I just think that if honest and frank discussion about choices, consequences and expectations are had prior to the act, then sex can be a wonderful, healthy, fulfilling experience. The times when sex seems to go the most awry is when the motivations behind it are wrong.

When sex is:

• About “trapping someone”
  
• Used as a power play between the sexes,
  
• Or when it’s a means of validating self-worth.
  

It’s like some bullshit eternal struggle and I think that there are mixed messages.

• Sex is good….. but don’t like it too much.
  
• You’re free to have sex…. But don’t admit to enjoying it.
  
• You’re free to fuck who you want…. But not too many people…. You might get a reputation.
  
• Be a Lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.
  

Sweet Jesus… the balancing act is giving me vertigo. This is a heap of bullshit. It’s like, if the sex you’re having isn’t leading toward matrimony, you’re supposed to be ashamed. Can’t I have my sex and enjoy it too.

To me, feminism is like the First amendment, in the sense that it is there to protect the speech we don’t like. Feminism is about choice. The choice to be who you want to and do what you want to, without apology. I am not the hugest fan of stay at home mom-dom. But feminism is just as much about my choice to work as it is about respecting another woman’s choice to stay at home and hug some kids. Choices and mutual respect. But I guess sometimes the respect ain’t that mutual.

This blog is about me expressing me. But it is also about me expressing a voice of dissent sometimes. It's about sex. And pleasure. It is about doing what you feel, even when it’s not popular. And I think in part it is about how I think women should stick together and take charge of their desires. Your choices are no less valid than mine.

Unilateral approval isn’t necessary but admonishing people because you dislike where their vagina has been begs the question: Why do you give a fuck?

“Well behaved women seldom make history” - Laura Thatcher Ulrich