Musings of Lesbian Sex lead to Blogging

Today I stayed home... I have a cold. Whilst sitting around, watching Season 3 of Veronica Mars and eating a Shrimp Quesadillas (cuz even tho I’m ill, my taste buds ain’t) I realized I should write some hot shit about sex. Cuz that's what I do.

I was going to write about girl on girl sex.... but instead, I decided to write about feminism. yup. I’m evil....

I tease you with the promise of intercourse with women (which this year seems to be heading toward) but then I deliver my musings on what’s been bouncing around in my brain lately.

You can blame this entire post on Greg. It is, in fact, Greg’s fault. It started with a discussion about Lil Kim… It snowballed into a discussion about the contradictions laid upon women post feminist movement.

I give you the Lil Kim Convo:

“Real Feminist”:
Lil kim is a smut..how can you tell the difference between whats true and whats not true?
Moral of the story...you paint a picture for other people to depict.
And obviously thats how the world sees her!
Peace


My response (mostly fueled by the term smut):
I got mad love for Lil Kim. I think that she set off a whole new frontier of feminism. She is proud to be who she is, be damned the rest of the world. She said the same shit that men were getting commended for and she got blasted for it. She took a lot of heat for saying the truth, Men fuck. Women do to. And sometimes we're dogs about it, just like men are...

"Hard core" was a Ill ass album. I remember that being a really solid time for female rap artists. I copped Foxy and Kims albums on the same day. I STILL BUMP THAT SHIT.and "Suck my dick" off of Notorious K.I.M. is in my mp3 player right now.


“Real Feminist”:
Oh goosh. Thats bafoonery!!@ Netta's first comment.
(I respect your view, but I don't agree)
I say this because....in the circle of life. Two wrongs NEVER make a Right.
But three Lefts make a right lol.
Im a real feminist.
But I feel like Lil Kim participated in setting women back for the love of the money. Once upon a time women of color were Godesses who ruled the world, not reduced to simple sex objects. Any woman can lay on thier back and give thier souls to a man. It takes a strong woman to use her mind to advance in life.
Peace


My response:
Lil kim likes sex. Its not a tool of advancement. When 2 people enter into a bedroom with common expectations (ie. sexual satisfaction) rather than making it a power play about who is withholding vs who is pursuing, we effectively even the playing field. Liking sex doesn't make her a smut. It makes her honest, even at the risk of scorn.


“Real Feminist”:
I dont know one person on Gods green earth who doesnt enjoy Sex. But the truth is, When Lil' Kims name is spoken what is it associated with immediately?.. SEX which identifies her as a symbol. If Lil' kim was to make an album about anything substantially imporant in life (besides the act of reproduction of life), i garuntee shed flop!.
The entire concept of "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" goes out the window at the mentioning of Lil Kims name.
Wether women want to ADMIT it or not. Once you open your legs to a man, you have given EVERYTHING you have to offer. We have a womb and you are allowing entrance, this means something way beyond pleasure!
I never once said liking sex makes anyone a smut. I love sex. And im sure you do But just because men go around telling everyone how long thier penis is doesnt mean its pertinant to tell everyone how deep your throat is. Its enticing in a sexual manner, similar to the jobs of strippers and prostitutes.


My response:
When I open my legs to a man, Trust, I have not even come close to relinquishing EVERYTHING I have to offer. What is between my legs is one of my least important attributes. Its good and all but it aint that serious. The whole "dripping diamonds and gold" thing is a lil old in my book. The most important things i have to give are my brain (not everyone is worthy of the intellectual convo) and my heart (which I am very cautious with).

I'd also like to say for the record, on a side note, Prostitution should be legalized and unionized.

Sex is great when its special... but i'll be damned if it ain't also great (and sometimes better) when its with someone who ain't so special.


Apparently the end result of this was to “Agree to Disagree”.

I guess, this post has been building for a while. Since a comment that was left on my blog in response to “The "Pull Out Method" is still a method..... Damn it.”

The comment went as follows:
can i suggest that if you are worried about babies and don't want a guy to use condoms, the morning after pill is a fabulous invention $40-50 bucks, nauseous for a couple hours and boom u good!!!! but with as much sleeping around as u do i wouldn't suggest going without a condom. remember STDs don't just affect you, they affect the future partners of guys u been with in the past. i hope like hell we have no partners in common, considering dc/md/va is a small area and I've seen u in the clubs and we have friends in common, i hope it stops there with our commonalities.


I replied with:
Wow. Normally I wouldn’t bother with a reply and I most definitely won't sit here and defend my virtue as I believe it is my god given right, not to mention my duty (post feminist movement) to be able to unabashedly pursue my sexual desires and to adamantly defend others rights to do the same. It is statements like yours that reaffirms the sexual double standard and our patriarchal culture of sexual shame that leaves women oppressed and divests us of the rights and privileges afforded to those with penises.

I digress. Apparently this is a very misunderstood post.

I consistently use condoms, due to the fact that I am not on birth control and I don’t really consider the morning after pill an option. My lack of hormonal birth control reinforces the need to not have drunk slip ups. I not only use condoms but I also encourage the use of the pullout method in conjunction with condom use. Condoms are not fool proof and they most definitely do break.

I appreciate the PSA, and I, too, hope that we have no partners in common, but who knows…. DC ain’t too big. I find it hard to believe that we have common friends, but hey… DC is small. C'est la vie. I wouldn’t worry it if I were you.

PS. Just came back from the Gyno after getting my yearly and 100% FDA certified clean Vag…. So really don’t worry. Or perhaps seek out one of my leftovers. I have had pretty good luck with snaggin some pretty good lays… I can give you some names and numbers if you like…


Sidenote: Glad I’m not on birth control because under my new “Wonderful” health care, all hormonal birth control is Tier 3 on the prescription scale, which means a 50dollar copay every month. It’d be cheaper to make a fuckin baby. There is some justice tho…. Viagra is also Tier 3. Fuckers.

Now, my first taste of feminism was "Women's studies". Not too interesting. No offense but it didn't really tackle the shit that I wanted to learn about. So when I signed up for Feminist political theory, imagine my surprise when I actually learned things and felt informed…..

Every class I got wrapped up in these very awesome discussions. One that particularly stuck in my mind was about power. Namely divisions of power between men and women in relationships. Now, I don’t speak up often in class but, this one discussion I felt compelled to speak. This girl was making her argument as to why she felt that women held the power in relationships….

Her thoughts were as follows:
"Women have the power in relationships because we can withhold sex."


I end up blurting out :
"If we had real power, we wouldn’t have to withhold sex"


Sex shouldn’t be a tool, or a bargaining chip. It’s a physical act between two people and I just think that if honest and frank discussion about choices, consequences and expectations are had prior to the act, then sex can be a wonderful, healthy, fulfilling experience. The times when sex seems to go the most awry is when the motivations behind it are wrong.

When sex is:
  • About “trapping someone”
  • Used as a power play between the sexes,
  • Or when it’s a means of validating self-worth.


It’s like some bullshit eternal struggle and I think that there are mixed messages.


  • Sex is good….. but don’t like it too much.
  • You’re free to have sex…. But don’t admit to enjoying it.
  • You’re free to fuck who you want…. But not too many people…. You might get a reputation.
  • Be a Lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.


Sweet Jesus… the balancing act is giving me vertigo. This is a heap of bullshit. It’s like, if the sex you’re having isn’t leading toward matrimony, you’re supposed to be ashamed. Can’t I have my sex and enjoy it too.

To me, feminism is like the First amendment, in the sense that it is there to protect the speech we don’t like. Feminism is about choice. The choice to be who you want to and do what you want to, without apology. I am not the hugest fan of stay at home mom-dom. But feminism is just as much about my choice to work as it is about respecting another woman’s choice to stay at home and hug some kids. Choices and mutual respect. But I guess sometimes the respect ain’t that mutual.

This blog is about me expressing me. But it is also about me expressing a voice of dissent sometimes. It's about sex. And pleasure. It is about doing what you feel, even when it’s not popular. And I think in part it is about how I think women should stick together and take charge of their desires. Your choices are no less valid than mine.

Unilateral approval isn’t necessary but admonishing people because you dislike where their vagina has been begs the question: Why do you give a fuck?

“Well behaved women seldom make history” - Laura Thatcher Ulrich

Comments

Anonymous said…
Alright...first time commenting, read all the blogs...yada yada and all that good stuff. Like I just said, I've read your musings before and thought about commenting on them, but felt reiterations of points made by you and other bloggers was unnecessary. But:
#1: Yeah, I did come for thoughts on trysts with other females, but became a little more enlightened as a result. Damn you and your valid, intelligent, articulate opinions.
#2: I'm with you on the Lil Kim discussion. Even though I never really listened to her music that heavy when she was prominent, I agree that her openness about her sexuality (thoughts, actions, feelings, and whatnot) helped, I guess you can say, grow a the new branch that is emerging now. Sex and the freedoms associated with it are no longer just for men. Women have just as much right to bust out 90's Silk on a dude as we do. Sex is the physical act between two people. There can be less or more depending a phone call or two. The emotional portion that is associated with sex is on a whole other level and based on the connection with the other person may, or may not, be shared with the other individual.
And enough of my "little lecture" on that. By the way, I never knew Viagra was Tier 3...hmmm learn something new every day huh. Keep doing what(who)ever you want, but I know that's what was gonna happen anyway. I think that's everything...yeah...well I'm out. Peace.
A said…
On feminism:
Yes I am with you. Me liking sex is just me liking sex not some game or power struggle. FYI I find you get way more from guys when you are emotionally unavailabe anyways, they try harder. Also I am all for the fact that women are getting closer to equal pay and opportunity ect. However I do think that femisim allows men to soften up and get all bitchy. Just because I am independent and on my own doesnt mean that guys dont need manners and common courtsey. I was asked on a date and the guy was a slob and said that I could pay before I could even offer to split the check? WTF you invited me and just because I can you can. also be a gentleman.
Anonymous said…
I am the writer of the morning after pill comment from “The "Pull Out Method" is still a method..... Damn it.” and I'm curious as to why you don't really consider the morning after pill as an option?

And all the blah blah blah stuff you said in the first paragraph of your response doesn't really make alot of sense. I use condoms 100% of the time and yes they do pop which is where the morning after pill comes in. Fuck the whole counting days from my last cycle thing and pulling out bullshit if it pops me and Mr. Man are going half on a pill. It takes two to have sex and two to have a baby, it will also take two to stop a preggie in its tracks. No negotiations available. Thats what I call taking control of my body and its functions. There is no "sexual double standard or patriarchal culture of sexual shame.....blah....blah....blah....more bullshit...."

And judging by the pics on your myspace & facebook pages yes we really do have friends in common, some who I've been with (not sure bout you, I don't stay up nights wondering bout stuff like that), but like I said before I hope it stops there with our commonalities.
~J-Skittle~ said…
I personally don't like the morning after pill, for myself. I'm not a fan of putting any additional hormones in my body. I have enough aggravation dealing with the ones that naturally occur. Adding an influx of additional ones is not so much my thing but I don't begrudge anyone else from using them. Been there before and my body doesn't bode well with it.

I reiterate that we probably don't have friends in common. The people who I consider friends can be counted on one hand. All others are acquaintances. I'm select about who I title "Friend" as it connotes a certain level of trust, shared experience and responsibility. I have known all of my "friends" for at least 5 years.

Broken condoms happen. Especially Lifestyles. Them motherfuckers should be taken off the market. I, myself, am about Trojans.
Amber-Alert said…
lmao at the person checkin ur fb page, ur myspace page, and now ur blog...damn it!!! i almost minored in womens studies it was all so interesting to me...i see what ur sayin but i would probably tend to agree more with the "real feminist"...oh and i went to this comedy show on sat and this one chick (who BOMBED by the way lol) was makin a joke about how she had to pay $50 a month for bc and was like what if i dont have $50 worth of sex every month??? it was kinda funny but on a side note its cheaper if u get ur dr to write u a prescription where u get ur pills (or whatever) for 3 months at a time...u end up payin $100 for a pack of 3 vs $50 for a pack of one!!
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