At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust.


John Legend - Green Light
So I went hard like Medusa staring at me
I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory
She said, What type of girl do you think I are
The kind that you meet in a bar
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star
No I'm a comet
I just want you woman
Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with
3, the one and only
One thing you ain't considered
I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it"
Admit it
You did it
Let's hop a cab and split it
I'm kiddin
We both going to where you livin

Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow.
First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was.

Dan scoops me, and I am running late as always, but the night was perfect. I am a big believer in Serendipity and everything fell perfectly into line. Dan handed me the tickets. Glittery and Happy. We took photos.



We go to Howard to pick up Fred. Fred and I have a Love/Hate relationship. We both talk a whole lotta shit... "But it all blends perfectly, let the liquor tell it."

Finally get his punk ass to iron his shit and out we roll. Get to Love and am shocked. Ummm I am now spoiled. Being let in through the side/back entrance is that hotness. That shit....

End up on the 4th floor where our table is and had to go to the bathroom in the Penthouse. Ummm, Can you say bidet? And a fucking shower. Nice.

Go back out and Dan and them decide to go downstairs and mingle. I end up on the second floor and see E from DC, who says that he knows what he wants outta life and then grips the shit out of me. We do this every time we see each other.

I wander down to the 1st floor. Go to the bar for a Tequila Sunrise. Minimum is 30 dollars so I just order 3. The guy next to me is not happy with this stipulation and then tries to hit on me. I told him it was too loud to talk. He said I should just give him my number since it was too loud to talk in the club. I asked him who tha fuck that works on. Essentially over the course of killin 3 drinks in 15 mins, I carried like 5 people.

Needless to say I was DRUNK by 11:50. I know this because I texted Dan to say, "Its only midnight. im drunlk. where u?"

I end up on 2 with "BLUV" who bought me another Tequila Sunrise. I stop by the bathroom and pop a vitamin so I have extra energy. Somewhere in here I end up back on the 4th floor. Wander over to the table. Have about 2 glasses of rose with Derrick.

I stopped back by the second floor and see Roomies friends who tell me that he is on 1 so I made it downstairs and Roomie and I took this photo like we promised we would....


Drunk prom pics for life.

End up in that weird Penthouse again and run into this actor...



We have a very random conversation about what he is up to. He has a wonderful laugh and smile. I gave him my number and told him not to take it if he wasn't going to use it. We both agreed that that would be a waste. I end up back in the 4th floor at the table. I was in search of Dan. I ask Fred, "Where's Dan?” He just points up....


Dan is on the right in the DJ Booth with Analyze

So I text Dan.... "I want up." He says come the fuck up.

So I do. Now at this point, shit gets alil strange. I ask Analyze if he wants a drink. He says "YES, Please... No, wait, I'm already drunk as shit." Okay... Chillin in the Booth.
Me=Drunk

Guy comes up. Hmm Looks familiar. Ok... Dan schools me. It's AJ. He used to be on 106 and Park.

He's on the mic and leans over... "Everyone looks tired."
Me: "We're all drunk. Are you drunk as well?"
Him: "No. I'm Horny...."

Wow... Way to go Hard. I turned bright red...

Off he wanders. Some Moet Nectar shows up and I have no glass. "Drink straight from the bottle..." Okay, Analyze. Fuck it.

Randomly Ryan Leslie shows up. I let him know that I love his Addicted song. Cuz I really really do....


Dan and I drunk in tha booth

I tell Analyze that I heard him on the radio the other night and truly didn’t want to leave my car. He was gettin it in and I didn’t want to miss a thing. And the car plays movies, so for me to pause and listen to someone spin is exceptional. He thanked me and asked me what I wanted to hear. "Shit, I like "Go Girl". I mean if you can maneuver the Serato in that direction, it'd be greatly appreciated."

Up pops this random guy.
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: Maino.
Me: SHUT THA FUCK UP!
Maino: Naw, I’m Maino.
Me: No....
Maino: Yeah, like "Hi Hater", Maino!
Me: OH SHIT DAWG. I had a Papoose Mix tape back in 05.... You had a track on there and it was Fire as shit. I was doin some grimy ass shit at the time but that’s not the point. That song set off my winter. Real talk.
Maino: That’s what’s up. You cool wit me.
Me: Why? Cuz I liked you before "Hi Hater"?
Maino: Exactly.

(Figured out what song it was.....) "Definition of a Thug" remix off "Who Got Next Volume 3"


At this point, I had to fuckin pee. Alot. I keep on trying to leave. Not happening. The table next to the booth got bought out and everyone, their mother and cousin were up in that bitch. I was about to give up on life when......

Back comes AJ.
Me: Do you need a drink?
Him: Naw.
(Passes me straight patron which my dumb ass sips.)
I told you what I need.
Me: Why don't you just get on the mic and announce that you need some pussy?
Him: Who said I needed Pussy?
Me: Well, Request some head. Or shit, request somebody to eat your ass if that's how you roll.
Him: Where's Your Man?
Me: Don't got one.
Him: Well shit. Maybe that is what I need.....
Me: Hmmmm
Him: What do you need?
Me: To pee.
Him: Lets go.
(And he leads me through the crazy.)

On the way down, Bridget (random chick whom I don't know) attaches herself to me. Apparently she had to pee too.

Fuck it. We head down to the closest bathroom and AJ keeps beating on the door. He insists that someone is fucking in there. We move on. Head over to the nice bathroom with a bidet. AJ keeps trying to get under my skirt. I tell him I’m too sober for all that extra shit. He promises to fix that. I like a man who is goal oriented and driven. You go Boy! Bridget and I go pee and next thing we know, we are at the bar.

Bar closed. Not cool. Now at this point, I'm being led around by my arm. And who do I see on the couch...Whack date No. 2. AKA Mr. I only got one condom which is hilarious to me cuz I haven't seen or heard from his ass since that whack 1 condom incident (nor did I want to), but to run into him like that was hilarious. I'm being abducted by AJ and he is sitting on a couch wit his whack self, wondering why and who and how and what tha fuck.

Boooooo! If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. (I wouldn't have let you cuz you're whack but damn, don’t look disappointed when I look real good like and you don't even have the option to negotiate for my time due to your lack of preparedness and overall unimpressive penis. Don't blame me. Blame ya Daddy. I hear that shit is genetic.) Any who.

End up at AJ's table. Patron is in full effect, so I make Bridget a shot and mix myself some Tequila, Orange Juice and a touch of Cranberry for a fake me out Tequila Sunrise in a champagne glass. At this point AJ is trying to pour an entire bottle of Ciroc down Bridget’s throat and she is lookin at me like "Help, please!". Now I just met Bridget. I don't know her for shit but I can see that she a grown ass woman and if she doesn’t want random men pouring Vodka down her throat, she need to assert herself. I'd be damned if I'd let that motherfucker pour straight liquor down my throat.

Bridget says "I gotta go back upstairs. You gonna be right here?" Sure? I just met you, Bridget. Does it even Matter?

Actually, I wasn't there for much longer. AJ grabs my arm and I'm bein kidnapped to the 3rd floor. Now we up in the booth with Money. I <3 Money so it’s cool. Next thing I know, I’m gettin poured Rose and Ciroc as if Rose is a mixer. It ain’t. Boooo.

Next thing I know, Money is playing somethin and AJ is on the mic talkin about "Find that girl you wanna take home and model that Magnum for.... " and pulls me extra close.

DJ Money

In the pool room, I keep on wandering, but not too far, cuz every time I get alil too far for comfort, he is grabbin my arm again. Everywhere I turn, I see someone who I know which is always the best feeling. Love is like Cheers. Everybody knows your name.

We bout to go down another level and I ask Money to shout me out on the mic. He says "I got you".. Next thing I know, "Got Money" by Lil Wayne is on and when they go "Ella, ella, ella ehhh!", Money goes NETTA, NETTA, NETTA EHHH!!! And I lose my fuckin mind. One the way down David Banner's "Shawty Say" comes on. I'm singin every note while gettin dragged down them damn stairs.

WOW. Drunk.

Then we are on the 2nd floor. Next thing I know AJ has climbed up into the VIP section, over the rail and is by the DJ booth.

This is a possible out for me. If I want to run away and avoid the inevitable, I can. He is drunk and up some stairs and I could run off if I wanted to, no harm, no foul. But, next thing you know, the most evil song in the world comes on...



And I decide to live it up.

So I head over to the VIP stairs and talk to the bouncer:
Me: Is AJ still up there?
Bouncer: Yeah.
Me: Umm, I’ve kinda been followin him. I mean, I kinda been kidnapped by him... I mean, it’s complicated.... (I am beyond fucked up and words aren't happenin so good)
Bouncer: (gives me the stone face that says "No way in Hell are you gettin up there, cuz I think you stalk....") Umm so you want to go up there?
Me: (realizing that I need a new angle, I try some ole other shit cuz at this point I have nothing to lose) Naw, fuck it. Could you just ask him if he still plans on taking me home and havin me fuck him tonight or if someone else is going to? cuz if they are, I'm bout to dip.
Bouncer: (Chuckling...) Go on up.

WHO KNEW THAT WOULD WORK? I GO HARD.

I go up and he lifts up his shirt... nice... Then he smacks my ass, pulls me close and humps me. Hmmm. Interesting.

We end up on the stage and AJ is trying to pour liquor down my throat...No No No. We find his cousin who we keep on seeming to lose and can't leave without. I tell him to grab onto my arm. We are now officially a caravan.

Head down to the first floor. See Harry Hotter. Let him know that he is one of my Fave Djs and I think he rocks. Run into Dan. Introduce him to AJ. Dan tells AJ that I’m good people, cuz for some reason, AJ needs Dan, whom he knows less than me to vouch for my character. Go figure. Dan tells me to call him if things go Crazylike.



I take the above photo and we head outside with the cousin on my shoulder still. Here’s where it gets weirder.

Whack date No. 2 AKA Mr. I only got one condom is outside and right as we are about to walk past him to get to the car in the VIP parking lot, AJ hits his cousins arm and says something to the effect of “Dawg, I love you but quit touchin her, she’s mine."

Then they start to play fight with...Whack date No. 2 AKA Mr. I only got one condom in the middle. The cousin keeps hiding behind him and Whack is just lookin at me like "Huh"? They apologize to him and then he’s like “Umm I’m confused. I know her” and I tell him I'll see him around cuz I don't care.

Whatever. Get into the BMW X5 and roll out. The ride was definitely interesting. Let’s just say, my thong got ripped and I lost my bra. But every time I began to get semi-sensible… that damn song came on….
“LIVE YOU LIFE EH!!!!” and I decide to live….

In the end, the chain for my cross broke, my thong broke and so did my bracelet. I have numerous scratches, bruises and etc… (But don’t worry, I hold my own.)

Like I said. Howard Homecoming is bananas. I had the best time of my life. It was fabulous. And I said I was gonna lose my panties, my shoes and my morals….

Shit, at least I still got my shoes…..



Stay tuned for Part II (The Morning After)