Don't dress Dick up like a relationship..... Keep Dick Honest.
Last weekend I dipped out to NJ.
Sos I was headed to NJ friday night and I was thinking about the butterfly effect and Chaos theory and the Domino effect and who you know and who you meet and the interwoven connections that you make throughout your life and the need for meaningful human interaction and contact and I was so deep in thought that my punk ass almost ran out of gas.
Here's how it went:
On the NJ turnpike there are only about 3 fucking rest stops between the beginning and exit 7a. I passed the 1st one and said "Fuck it. I got a quarter of a tank. I can make it to the next stop."
Did I mention that these rest stops are like 15 to 30 mins apart? Sos I'm Driving and we hit a point where I am too far to turn around and go back but I am also too far from gas and the needle is riding on E. What THE FUCK? Bad planning on my part.
Sos I turn to the GPS hoe and go "GPS. Show me gas."
Gps says that there is gas 1.5 miles from me.... Ok GPS. Lets make gas happen. Lets make that a reality. GPS says, "OK".
3 mins later GPS lets me know that the route to gas is incalculable.
GPS... you are officially fuckin up. Real talk. Get it together boo boo. This is bullshit.
I end up getting off on the Camden exit, credit card in hand, prepared for a tow, cuz I'm soooo certain Imma need that junt. Whatever.
Get off and get to a bullshit ass gas station in Runnemede, NJ. I commence in arguing with the guy who pumps my gas as to whether he would come get me if I was stranded on the turnpike or not...
Lessons learned:
Never get so deep in thought that you forget to get gas.
Also, be sure to keep at least a quarter of a tank of gas in your car.
*************************************************************************************
My heart is made quite etch-a-sketch like. I drive to Jersey, shake my heart out and get back from NJ and I feel better.
I like BK. I do. It's like God woke up one day and was like "Netta is odd. Like real odd... and it would be cruel to not give her someone in this world who mirrors her same weirdness. Iffin I were to put her in another body, like all her odd eccentric tastes (food, movies, music, thoughts) what would it look like?"
Then they created BK. Or perhaps it was the other way around cuz he's older.
But after him being touch and go and mostly just out of touch, I deleted his number. This is commonplace for me. But I also deleted him from my Blackberry messenger.
Because I would rather have things end like this:
Than to invest a shitload of time and end up in a situation like this:
Where I put in too much time to leave, but theres too much bullshit for me to stay....
Well, Blackberry messenger is a fucking hater. Cuz when he looked on it and realized he was no longer on my Blackberry messenger list, I got a text that said "Did you take me off your list!!!!?????"
Damn. Blackberry messenger! You fuckin up!!! You should have just removed him from my list, and left me visible on his list but not actually sent me any messages that he tried to send me... WTF?
Also, was all them damn exclamation points and question marks necessary? It's like the exclamation points made it a statement but the question marks made it rhetorical ass question. Unnecessary.
So re-added was he, which lead to a torrent of insanity.
Essentially the convo was me going like this:
"What the fuck? You cannot put me in escrow til you want me. I AM PEOPLE DAMMIT. I need 2 things in this world: 1. A man to take my panties off with his teeth and 2. A daily text message. If you need someone to ignore, perhaps you should find someone else to fucking ignore"
Cept it was longer. This is why I'd deleted him. To avoid that level of crazy. Apparently that weren't in the cards.
He replied with a "Wow, I see. Apparently I have been rude or selfish or whatever. You deserve more attention than that."
I like my penis honest. Don't dress it up like a relationship when it aint.
I got laid last night. It was.... Very good. And honest. No pretense of intimacy. Just excellent foreplay and backshots... kisses and enjoyed shared company. Good shit.
Woke up with a smile and hit him up this morning with my usual "Appreciate the dick, good shit, hope we can do it again" follow-up text.
Bootycalls need to feel appreciated too. This is why I recommend instituting a Bootycall appreciation week. It should commence immediately following V-day and should be spread out over the course of a week to keep people from stretching themselves too thin. Bootycalls need appreciation too.
Whatever.
Just keep dick honest. It reduces the likelihood of violence and text outbursts.
Anyway, I came back from Jersey and the damn carpet drama commences. We finally get carpet... and it rains. The damn workers left some plastic out back and that bitch tried to flood again. Minimal damage tho. It is what it is.
Lemme just point out. I'm goin through some damn changes. I might need to move. I'm stacking paper. I might need to be in NJ for a while. Won't know for sure until Dec.
I am the Executor of my Dads Will..... It is my job to make those tough decisions. The one decision I know already is that Imma resuscitate Dad til he can't be resuscitated no mo... Cuz iffin I don't Ill have to sit through awkward conversations in which my brother goes "Hey, Remember that time you let Dad die?"
*************************************************************************************
These past few weeks random shit was said and heard. I shant name names (cept my own) but here is the shit that was said.... and was heard.
*************************************************************************************
That reminds me... My new shrink disappeared. Guess he quit or something. Whatevs. Think I like the old shrink better anyways...
*************************************************************************************
Let me finish up with this one last bullshit tidbit:
When I was in elementary school, I was buried in a book constantly. I just liked to read alot. Well, one day I was informed that this boy (apparently popular by elementary school standards....) liked me. He shortly after became my "boyfriend" or whatever. We'd sneak kisses by the water fountain. Anyways, One weekend I was riding my bike and I fell off and scratched my face. On monday, I was broken up with and unpopular....
Perhaps this was lifes preparation for the rest of life. That way, when my face was fucked up from the car accident and I was a hot mess, I was okay. It also helps keep into perspective the relationships I have now....
This guy once said to me "Remember when you were chunky in middle school?"
I turned to him and replied "I have realized that in life, it doesn't matter what I used to look like... Only what I look like now."
The public is fickle. Make sure your friends are honest and trustworthy and keep them close. Cuz how you are now is a temporary state of being and when your circumstances change, you need to know who'll be there for you, when the chips are down.
Sos I was headed to NJ friday night and I was thinking about the butterfly effect and Chaos theory and the Domino effect and who you know and who you meet and the interwoven connections that you make throughout your life and the need for meaningful human interaction and contact and I was so deep in thought that my punk ass almost ran out of gas.
Here's how it went:
On the NJ turnpike there are only about 3 fucking rest stops between the beginning and exit 7a. I passed the 1st one and said "Fuck it. I got a quarter of a tank. I can make it to the next stop."
Did I mention that these rest stops are like 15 to 30 mins apart? Sos I'm Driving and we hit a point where I am too far to turn around and go back but I am also too far from gas and the needle is riding on E. What THE FUCK? Bad planning on my part.
Sos I turn to the GPS hoe and go "GPS. Show me gas."
Gps says that there is gas 1.5 miles from me.... Ok GPS. Lets make gas happen. Lets make that a reality. GPS says, "OK".
3 mins later GPS lets me know that the route to gas is incalculable.
GPS... you are officially fuckin up. Real talk. Get it together boo boo. This is bullshit.
I end up getting off on the Camden exit, credit card in hand, prepared for a tow, cuz I'm soooo certain Imma need that junt. Whatever.
Get off and get to a bullshit ass gas station in Runnemede, NJ. I commence in arguing with the guy who pumps my gas as to whether he would come get me if I was stranded on the turnpike or not...
Lessons learned:
Never get so deep in thought that you forget to get gas.
Also, be sure to keep at least a quarter of a tank of gas in your car.
*************************************************************************************
My heart is made quite etch-a-sketch like. I drive to Jersey, shake my heart out and get back from NJ and I feel better.
I like BK. I do. It's like God woke up one day and was like "Netta is odd. Like real odd... and it would be cruel to not give her someone in this world who mirrors her same weirdness. Iffin I were to put her in another body, like all her odd eccentric tastes (food, movies, music, thoughts) what would it look like?"
Then they created BK. Or perhaps it was the other way around cuz he's older.
But after him being touch and go and mostly just out of touch, I deleted his number. This is commonplace for me. But I also deleted him from my Blackberry messenger.
Because I would rather have things end like this:
Than to invest a shitload of time and end up in a situation like this:
Where I put in too much time to leave, but theres too much bullshit for me to stay....
Well, Blackberry messenger is a fucking hater. Cuz when he looked on it and realized he was no longer on my Blackberry messenger list, I got a text that said "Did you take me off your list!!!!?????"
Damn. Blackberry messenger! You fuckin up!!! You should have just removed him from my list, and left me visible on his list but not actually sent me any messages that he tried to send me... WTF?
Also, was all them damn exclamation points and question marks necessary? It's like the exclamation points made it a statement but the question marks made it rhetorical ass question. Unnecessary.
So re-added was he, which lead to a torrent of insanity.
Essentially the convo was me going like this:
"What the fuck? You cannot put me in escrow til you want me. I AM PEOPLE DAMMIT. I need 2 things in this world: 1. A man to take my panties off with his teeth and 2. A daily text message. If you need someone to ignore, perhaps you should find someone else to fucking ignore"
Cept it was longer. This is why I'd deleted him. To avoid that level of crazy. Apparently that weren't in the cards.
He replied with a "Wow, I see. Apparently I have been rude or selfish or whatever. You deserve more attention than that."
I like my penis honest. Don't dress it up like a relationship when it aint.
I got laid last night. It was.... Very good. And honest. No pretense of intimacy. Just excellent foreplay and backshots... kisses and enjoyed shared company. Good shit.
Woke up with a smile and hit him up this morning with my usual "Appreciate the dick, good shit, hope we can do it again" follow-up text.
Bootycalls need to feel appreciated too. This is why I recommend instituting a Bootycall appreciation week. It should commence immediately following V-day and should be spread out over the course of a week to keep people from stretching themselves too thin. Bootycalls need appreciation too.
Whatever.
Just keep dick honest. It reduces the likelihood of violence and text outbursts.
Anyway, I came back from Jersey and the damn carpet drama commences. We finally get carpet... and it rains. The damn workers left some plastic out back and that bitch tried to flood again. Minimal damage tho. It is what it is.
Lemme just point out. I'm goin through some damn changes. I might need to move. I'm stacking paper. I might need to be in NJ for a while. Won't know for sure until Dec.
I am the Executor of my Dads Will..... It is my job to make those tough decisions. The one decision I know already is that Imma resuscitate Dad til he can't be resuscitated no mo... Cuz iffin I don't Ill have to sit through awkward conversations in which my brother goes "Hey, Remember that time you let Dad die?"
*************************************************************************************
These past few weeks random shit was said and heard. I shant name names (cept my own) but here is the shit that was said.... and was heard.
- A woman in a hummer is dangerous and shit. Like if they on they period....
- Person 1: You do know she spent a lot of money on me?
Person 2: Does that mean you're a hooker?
Person 1: Yes. Yes it does. - Person 1: She was high yella.
Person 2: Did you really just say that? - Me: It was giving me the vapors.
Shrinkman: No one says that anymore. I like that saying. Old school... - Me: I'd do anal for 30,000. Shit, I do it for free anyway... so if you offering, I'll take 30 k. Pay off my car, student loans and have a decent downpayment for a crib... You could pooh in my mouth for 1.5 million.
Person 2: Wouldn't you think about that shit and be bothered?
Me: You know how much Listerine you can buy with 1.5 mil?
Bartender: Fuck that. 1 bottle of Listerine and a hypnotist.... It'd be like it never happened. - You haven't figured this out yet. This isn't "you steal from me". This is "me stealing from you". It's cool. You'll get it.
*************************************************************************************
That reminds me... My new shrink disappeared. Guess he quit or something. Whatevs. Think I like the old shrink better anyways...
*************************************************************************************
Let me finish up with this one last bullshit tidbit:
When I was in elementary school, I was buried in a book constantly. I just liked to read alot. Well, one day I was informed that this boy (apparently popular by elementary school standards....) liked me. He shortly after became my "boyfriend" or whatever. We'd sneak kisses by the water fountain. Anyways, One weekend I was riding my bike and I fell off and scratched my face. On monday, I was broken up with and unpopular....
Perhaps this was lifes preparation for the rest of life. That way, when my face was fucked up from the car accident and I was a hot mess, I was okay. It also helps keep into perspective the relationships I have now....
This guy once said to me "Remember when you were chunky in middle school?"
I turned to him and replied "I have realized that in life, it doesn't matter what I used to look like... Only what I look like now."
The public is fickle. Make sure your friends are honest and trustworthy and keep them close. Cuz how you are now is a temporary state of being and when your circumstances change, you need to know who'll be there for you, when the chips are down.
I know this was a long one. Blame my Facebook wife for being demanding...
Comments
Amen on BCAD and honesty. I wish someone would just mass-educate males that lying /pretending /prettying shit up does not reduce the likelyhood of violence and/or outbursts (text or otherwise).
If anything, it increases the likelihood, because most of us aren't stupid. We will find out the truth ... and there's nothing I hate worse than being deceived.
I don't remember but you can google if you still feel like they need to be appreciated....