Pussy-B-Tight

  • When I was in highschool, for some reason me and my homegirl were worried about vaginal looseness (we were strange, I guess). So we went to the sex toy shop.

    Ps. If headed to the sex toy shop, go to Night dreams in Bethesda..... Best selection at a decent price.

    But this was in 2000, either before Night Dreams opened or before we discovered that it was there.... And at that time we patronized a shady store in rockville pike, run by this horny 40 something greek lady and her 20 something boyfriend. This place was definitely interesting.

    Anyway, one day we purchased this shit that I dubbed "Pussy B Tight".

    Pussy-B-Tight is the vaginal equivalent of lip plumpers. You apply a little bit to the inner walls, it burns like hot peppers, aggravates your shit and makes it tighter. It also made all sexual contact ridiculouslly uncomfortable, but that's another story. Pussy b tight was for emergency uses only (ie. You were doing something you had no business doing and need to cover your ass).

    My calculations show that if you stretch your vagina out, it takes 2 weeks for it to shrink back down to size so that the fact that it was stretched becomes undetectable..... Unless you use Pussy-B-Tight.

    I would like to start my own line of sex aids. I would call the line B sexy and all the product names would have a b in the middle.

    For example I'd have:
    • Pussy-b-tight: ofcourse
    • Pussy-B-Wet: water based all natural lubricant.
    • Anus-B-Numb: for freaky ass sexy
    • Dick-B-Hard: our own version of viagara.
    • Dick-B-Huge: Penis enlargement gel.
    • Dick-B-Swole: Cock rings
    • Nipple-B-Happy: nipple bands with optional vibrator bullets.
    • Dick-B-Unneccessasary: this you be a line of cyberskin dildos and lifelike vibrators.


    And that's the tale of Pussy B Tight......

    I think there's a market for it but maybe that's just me.

    RANDOMS
  • Drunk blogging is dangerous.

    Liquor made me do this:

    I is tired of arguing. I is also tired of accommidatin people who don't seem to give a damn one way or the other. Tired of losin sleep and sheddin tears (I ain't no bitch tho and I'll whoop any body ass who says different.) I'm just say...So I'm seeking solace in the arms of Mr. Morgan, Sr. Cuervo and 4 sleeping pills. Perhaps I will wake up, but I am hoping for the deepest possible sleep..... And thus it begins....
    DRUNK!!!!!!!!

    4 hrs and several drinks later I followed up with this:

    Apparently I'm tired cuz I'm gettin drunk for the sake of getting drunk and I don't give a hot damn about the possible consequences. I'm gonna go home and possibly put myself into a coma and since my phone is off, none of you bitches will be able to bother me. And because no one knows where I live, no one can call the ambulance.... And if it were possible to give the entire world the finger right now, please know that I would..... So FUCK YOU.....

    THANK YOU, AND GOODNIGHT

    Liquor is dangerous.

  • I don't fuck around with evil or zombies.... Anyone of yall motherfuckers start lookin at me funny, like you wanna eat me or kill me or some shit, its a wrap. Bullet to the brain. I don't fuck around..... Fuckin zombies

  • Instead of saying damn, I've started to say "bitches!" As if bitches have conspired to make my life difficult. Fucking bitches.....

  • I never did understand wranglers with those zip down plastic windows. Like what of somebody wanted to steal yo shit. All they gotta do is shank yo window? I like people to have to work to gank me 4 my shit.

  • This bad ass child was on the bus screaming (literally screamin in peoples faces) like they gave her candy laced with crack. Her ballon popped and this dude was like "Ah ha!!! You mad like shit! That's why yo ballon popped you bighead motherfucker!!!!" I was dyin.

  • If "The Game" sang, his bitch ass would be Lyfe Jennings. Fuck you gotta butterfly on yo cheek 4? Booo! You're bamma.

  • Best alien movies ever (according 2 me)
    Species,
    Species 2
    Ghosts of mars....

  • Contrary to popular belief, I am not an evil bitch.... I just don't wife them hoes, love them hoes, save them hoes, or fade them hoes.... Free hookers get no love and best believe I don't acknowledge whores in public..... End of story..... Are you mad cuz I don't love them hoes or are you secretly mad cuz you're a ho who gets no love?


    Sadface. Headed to work..... Booooooo!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recap with my Shrink and a Declaration of Singledom

I woke up this morning real sadlike. I woke up knowing that I would have to do something very difficult today. I was going to have to break up with my therapist.... Or at the very least stagger my appointments. See, my job changed my health care. The new shitty ass health care that they gave me is taken by virtually no one. Exhilarating. And right before xmas. Merry fucking xmas. I heart sanity and shit but I cannot afford to spend 2K a year to keep it. When I first walked into his office, I couldn't articulate what was wrong. I was upset but I couldn't say why. Nothing was wrong but Nothing was right either. I was extremely depressed. My gyno recommended that I take up jogging. Tip: When very depressed, do not attempt to jog as a remedy. It is impossible to jog while sobbing. (I speak from personal experience.) He took time. Never questioned me. Waited for me to learn to trust him and take down my guard. He never lectures and never judges. And He helped me immensely in ways t...
Read more

At least I still have my shoes.... (HU Homecoming Recap)

Image
I gotta start off with these lyrics.... They are SOOOO applicable. Trust. John Legend - Green Light So I went hard like Medusa staring at me I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory She said, What type of girl do you think I are The kind that you meet in a bar You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star No I'm a comet I just want you woman Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with 3, the one and only One thing you ain't considered I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it" Admit it You did it Let's hop a cab and split it I'm kiddin We both going to where you livin Fuckin HU Homecoming Weekend. Wooooow. First off, we were running around like crazy. My dopamine was bananas. Seriously. I was so excited. Dan got the tickets midday and I started to tingle off break cuz I knew this had the potential to be the best night at LOVE, EVER!!!! And it was. Dan scoops me, and I am running late as alw...
Read more

My heart vs. My head (Plus Haters, Hoe friends & Fluke bitches)

After getting back from NJ and seeing my dad, who is now out of the hospital with pending cardiologist visits, I have been bogged down with work, sleep, colds and the guy I like. I have also been slightly torn between what I feel I "should" say to him vs. what actually has a need to be verbalized in our current situation. We ain't got no rings... and no commitments (though we do get along well). The sex is.... Well just watch the video: Now, we haven't discussed exclusivity. I don't think there is an expectation that my vagina is strictly for him and tho I haven't slept with anyone else yet, a much welcome friend should be reemerging within the next week. I think we are functioning on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He don’t seem to want to ask, so I don’t really intend on telling. All I know is this: My heart says one thing... (like perhaps if I care about the sanctity and purity of this situation, I should keep my vag to myself.) My vagin...
Read more