Chartering Unicorns for personal transport.
Let us start at the beginning because that it the logical place to start.
I woke up Saturday and did my "Gettin my toes done" dance. It's a solid dance. It looked alittle like this:
Gettin my toes done. Gettin my toes done. Walk outside..... boppin to my car.
Walk toward my car and think, "Wow. Either my window is hella clean or I left that junt open" bop bop bop. Get to my car and see glass on the seat. Very very sad face.
Thieves managed to fuck up my window and thief my indash system, so ofcourse I did the 1st logical thing. I text my dad and my brother and say, "Car got broken into" and dad texts back "Are you ok?" to which I reply "That question makes no sense. I wasn't in the car. Wtf?".
So I call the car insurance people and they tell me that they cannot fix my window until Monday. This marks the first of several instances in which I wonder why the fuck I pay for car insurance. Stoopid car insurance.
I decide to do the only logical thing. I get into my car and drive to my cousins house to drink wine and ponder the all important question "If your window is broken, even if you tape it with all kinds of plastics, do i still need to lock the door? I mean, the windows broken..... do it matter?"
Whatever. Cuzzo and I drink wines and I am late for the bachelorette antics so off I run. It's cold as hell and I manage to get a migraine on the metro. Whatever. I am cold and contemplating my life.
I was gonna move down to Atlanta for school but the logistics aren't quite right.
I need 3 Things to relocate:
If I can accomplish 2 and 3 prior to one and get in state tuition, I will cut my costs in half, making all the proceeds from no. 2 stretch just alil bit further.
Now my mother wants me to move to Atlanta to go to school, so I call her because the logistics don't make any mother-fucking sense.
I let her know that I can move there but I would need to live with her for a couple of weeks to be able to interview and secure a job prior to getting an apartment.
The response I got was as follows:
"You should just do what I did when I relocated down south and fly back and forth for interviews".....
After having my car broken into and drinking drank, I lost my shit and informed her that she must have lost her fucking mind. Why had I not thought of that before?
Real talk.... Fuck flying commercial, lets just gas up the fucking jet....
Or better yet, we should get some damn unicorns.
Fly them junts back and forth. It's cheap, humane and best of all....it reduces our carbon footprint by relying on beasts of burden.
Yeah. I lost my shit and cursed quite a bit. I hate havin to inject realness into situations by cursing.
I drunkenly wander over to the bachelorette party. I was pretty perturbed but I brought all of my woo hoo. Less than an hour into the evening and one of the females that I'm with turns to me and asks me "Have you ever kissed a girl?"......
I can blatantly see how this night is going to be. We end up at Bourbon in Adams Morgan and I meet a very nice guy who lives in France. We proceed to have a delightful conversation (and some slight acrobatics) that almost results in a kiss until I am torn away to go off to "Lima".
Now at this point I have had 2 glasses of Red Wine, Champagne, Vodka, Tequila, more Champagne, Vodka, A Lemon Drop shot, more Tequila and some more Vodka. I recall 2 heartfelt conversations. One life altering decision. One girl on girl kiss. An Ass grab and confusion.
I eventually headed home (on foot cuz it sounded like a good idea while drunk) until I tripped over my own foot. Then I caught a cab. I woke up the next day, prayed for death and eventually found Gatorade. It was a solid weekend. Monday got more complicated but I shall skim over that. Lets just say, I saw some people who I hadn't seen in a while and was genuinely pleased to remake acquaintances.
Tuesday marks the return of "OH So". Can't wait til New Years Eve. I am ready. On to the next one.
I woke up Saturday and did my "Gettin my toes done" dance. It's a solid dance. It looked alittle like this:
Gettin my toes done. Gettin my toes done. Walk outside..... boppin to my car.
Walk toward my car and think, "Wow. Either my window is hella clean or I left that junt open" bop bop bop. Get to my car and see glass on the seat. Very very sad face.
Thieves managed to fuck up my window and thief my indash system, so ofcourse I did the 1st logical thing. I text my dad and my brother and say, "Car got broken into" and dad texts back "Are you ok?" to which I reply "That question makes no sense. I wasn't in the car. Wtf?".
So I call the car insurance people and they tell me that they cannot fix my window until Monday. This marks the first of several instances in which I wonder why the fuck I pay for car insurance. Stoopid car insurance.
I decide to do the only logical thing. I get into my car and drive to my cousins house to drink wine and ponder the all important question "If your window is broken, even if you tape it with all kinds of plastics, do i still need to lock the door? I mean, the windows broken..... do it matter?"
Whatever. Cuzzo and I drink wines and I am late for the bachelorette antics so off I run. It's cold as hell and I manage to get a migraine on the metro. Whatever. I am cold and contemplating my life.
I was gonna move down to Atlanta for school but the logistics aren't quite right.
I need 3 Things to relocate:
- School - Which would be the whole reason to move in the 1st place.
- Employment - Which will finance the move and the educationing.
- Housing - So that I have a place to live and sleep while I learn and work.
If I can accomplish 2 and 3 prior to one and get in state tuition, I will cut my costs in half, making all the proceeds from no. 2 stretch just alil bit further.
Now my mother wants me to move to Atlanta to go to school, so I call her because the logistics don't make any mother-fucking sense.
I let her know that I can move there but I would need to live with her for a couple of weeks to be able to interview and secure a job prior to getting an apartment.
The response I got was as follows:
"You should just do what I did when I relocated down south and fly back and forth for interviews".....
After having my car broken into and drinking drank, I lost my shit and informed her that she must have lost her fucking mind. Why had I not thought of that before?
Real talk.... Fuck flying commercial, lets just gas up the fucking jet....
Or better yet, we should get some damn unicorns.
Fly them junts back and forth. It's cheap, humane and best of all....it reduces our carbon footprint by relying on beasts of burden.
Yeah. I lost my shit and cursed quite a bit. I hate havin to inject realness into situations by cursing.
I drunkenly wander over to the bachelorette party. I was pretty perturbed but I brought all of my woo hoo. Less than an hour into the evening and one of the females that I'm with turns to me and asks me "Have you ever kissed a girl?"......
I can blatantly see how this night is going to be. We end up at Bourbon in Adams Morgan and I meet a very nice guy who lives in France. We proceed to have a delightful conversation (and some slight acrobatics) that almost results in a kiss until I am torn away to go off to "Lima".
Now at this point I have had 2 glasses of Red Wine, Champagne, Vodka, Tequila, more Champagne, Vodka, A Lemon Drop shot, more Tequila and some more Vodka. I recall 2 heartfelt conversations. One life altering decision. One girl on girl kiss. An Ass grab and confusion.
I eventually headed home (on foot cuz it sounded like a good idea while drunk) until I tripped over my own foot. Then I caught a cab. I woke up the next day, prayed for death and eventually found Gatorade. It was a solid weekend. Monday got more complicated but I shall skim over that. Lets just say, I saw some people who I hadn't seen in a while and was genuinely pleased to remake acquaintances.
Tuesday marks the return of "OH So". Can't wait til New Years Eve. I am ready. On to the next one.
Comments